Scared of having another episode

So, as you some of you may know, I recently had a severe episode that ended with me OD'ing and my husband wanting a separation.

I've been living with my parents because I didn't have anywhere else to go, and my husband moved up by his parents.

My parents like to drink, which is really triggering for me.

After some rude text messages that my mother sent my husband while drunk, my husband finally decided that this isn't the best place for me to be.

And I've been stable for three months now (with exceptions of being sad obviously because I'm not with my family).

So in a month I'm moving back in with my husband and daughter.

Which is wonderful obviously. I miss them. They miss me. Since I've been stable my husband trusts me caring for our daughter again (she's four).

I'm terrified I'm going to have another episode! I'm really scared about this! It makes me sick I'm so scared.

I know that as long as I keep on taking my meds and getting my shot, etc., this may not happen for awhile.

Is anyone else scared of having an episode?

I don't want to lose my family again!

That fear is what keeps me on my meds.

That's awesome rasberrytorte! I'm glad to hear it. Yes I'm always afraid of that happening but there will be less chance in a lower stress environment than your parents house.

I'm so happy for you, you'll be fine, just keep doing good what you've been doing and take care of yourself! Being back with your family will be good for your you

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Absolutely I'm scared of my next episode. If it follows the pattern of the past, it will start in 1.5 months and will last 3 months. Then I'll have a better month, and then I'll have another episode for 2.5 months. That's almost the entire next six months.

I've had this pattern for almost a decade with two really severe episodes a year. I only just found the pattern a year ago, so I was really scared both times this last year before the episodes started. I talked to my therapist a lot about it. He said to expect the worst but hope for the best and that the episodes would come if they were going to come and so I would just cut through it like I always have.

I have another episode coming up , like I said. I was really scared for a few months. Now I'm in a dangerous place of " bipolar doesn't go away. I could keep trying, but what's the point? There's no point. And if this is what my life is going to be like, if bipolar is going to ravage my life forever, if I will keep having episodes like this, I don't want to live this life." But it's not sad. It's mostly numb and a little angry.

I hope some people here have good ideas on what to do about this.

I'm happy for you, raspberrytorte. I think you will actually do better since you won't have the stress of your parents.

I think this is a good thing. Maybe look into iop? That way you have extra support.

Oh, that is good news! I think being worried is actually a good thing in some ways. That means you will be more likely to be med compliant and also willing to do whatever it takes to be well. Hugs to you!!!