[TaraE]

Hi All - Ill try to keep this brief but very confused and hurt (again). The last time my ex bf broke up with me was just before an important exam - Im studying for a Masters. However since we have still been in pretty much in touch and meeting up now and again. He's been great and talking about our future once I graduate and how proud he is of me. He finished it cos he couldnt handle that I was studying 2.5 hours away but I still came home every weekend.

Cut to now, my results have just been announced and I achieved a distinction which I was so please about and I put it on my facebook page. What followed was a vile text message from him swearing at me and saying he was seething that he had to find out my results via facebook and not a personal text to him! We have not been in a relationship for 9 months and sometimes do not talk for weeks so why would I text him with my news? He is constantly on FB anyway - he then went on to say that I had had the time to reply to all my wellwishers but not text him first ?? Im flummoxed by this behaviour - he also kicked off saying he had wanted to buy all my uni textbooks too? This also is out of left field. Anyway a few days later I got a 'punishment' message saying he hadnt decided yet if he ever wanted to see me as he was still 'fuming' and had not yet calmed down.

I am at a loss - he has done something similar before amost like sabotaging any little achievement I have by this 'punishment' of withdrawing himself from me.

Is this a symptom of the illness or something more - Im so confused. But he has been ultra nice and then I know that sooner rather than later he will kick off about something.

Not sure. I doubt it? I've heard people get nasty and rude on FB. I don't use FB so maybe others can be more helpful.

Can you block him? That will end that behavior.

[TaraE]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Not sure. I doubt it? I've heard people get nasty and rude on FB. I don't use FB so maybe others can be more helpful.

Hi - thanks, its not so much the FB thing its the fact that he appeared to get very very angry that I hadnt text him first with my results. Like Ive said we are not in a relationship and havent been for 9 months and sometimes dont comminicate for several weeks so why would I text him my news? It just seems like any little achievement I get he likes to sabotage it by being vile to me - is this normal BP behaviour?

[TaraE]

Its not so much about blocking him - I am trying to understand how he can be so lovely to me and then do something like this over a trivial matter and still say he is 'seething' days after - he also did this before an important law exam of mine and will start criticising everything about me - one day I am so beautiful and the next I am someone with medusa hair and wild eyes who 'dresses to death' - I wear a suit for my job and have naturally curly hair - just wanting to know if its his illness causing this or is he as Im now inclined to think, just a vile individual who gets kicks out of trying to hurt me and damage my esteem for some reason

I don't see that behavior as a bipolar issue, IMO. Never have come across it.

I think the fact that the two of you broke up 9 months ago but remain in contact may be the problem. On a certain level, the two of you are still enmeshed and it triggers negativity for him, it appears. And he's projecting that negative behavior on you. No win situation.

A final, clean break may be best. I'm not friends with my ex's....no ill will. Just when it's over, it's over.

Hope that helps. Just my perspective.

Originally Posted by TaraE

Its not so much about blocking him - I am trying to understand how he can be so lovely to me and then do something like this over a trivial matter and still say he is 'seething' days after - he also did this before an important law exam of mine and will start criticising everything about me - one day I am so beautiful and the next I am someone with medusa hair and wild eyes who 'dresses to death' - I wear a suit for my job and have naturally curly hair - just wanting to know if its his illness causing this or is he as Im now inclined to think, just a vile individual who gets kicks out of trying to hurt me and damage my esteem for some reason

All the more reason to make the split. His behavior isn't acceptable and it's emotionally impacting you. Why have you all stayed in touch? FWB? Academic competition? Your desire to psychoanalyze seems to indicate you're still emotionally involved. You two may feed off each other. I don't mean this unkindly.

Bottom line, motive is irrelevant don't you think? It's over.

[TaraE]

Yep - I completely agree with you and thank you for your comments. Ive put up with this abusive behaviour for far too long but just wanted to see if it was infact his bipolar that atleast excused some of the abuse. But you're totally right - unhealthy and no more time to be spent analysing - thank you so much

[Trippin2.0]

Being an a**hole is not a symptom of bipolar, look it up if you don't believe me.


I've never treated anyone the way he treats you, please don't make excuses for him anymore, he clearly doesn't deserve it.

[TaraE]

Thank you

Originally Posted by TaraE

Yep - I completely agree with you and thank you for your comments. Ive put up with this abusive behaviour for far too long but just wanted to see if it was infact his bipolar that atleast excused some of the abuse. But you're totally right - unhealthy and no more time to be spent analysing - thank you so much

You're welcome. We can't diagnose but we can support you. IMO, that was just lousy behavior by him. Most people with bipolar are nice. The stigma doesn't reflect that. Glad you're moving on. No one deserves to be mistreated. Take care.

[TaraE]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

You're welcome. We can't diagnose but we can support you. IMO, that was just lousy behavior by him. Most people with bipolar are nice. The stigma doesn't reflect that. Glad you're moving on. No one deserves to be mistreated. Take care.

Thanks again!