Switching therapists

I'm considering finding a new therapist and wanted some advice from people with more experience. I haven't had much experience or luck in the past. I went to therapy for about a year when I was 15 or 16. We mostly talked about my mom because we had a very bad relationship at the time (it's not much better now, to be honest). After that I went to therapy with 3 different therapists for a limited number of sessions. One I went for 2 sessions, it didn't feel right. One I went for 5 sessions, that was all that was allowed at the counseling center at my college. Another one I went to maybe 6 or 8 sessions? I never felt that it was helpful and I also didn't really have the money for it, even at sliding scale places.

Well, this current run of meds and therapy (through a sliding scale place, actually) I've been seeing my therapist for almost 2 years. Because of the program, after my initial intake they assigned me a therapist (so I had no choice in the matter). She seemed all right at first, but I'm starting to think it's not working out.

She's really into talking about my childhood. While I understand there is a time and place for that, I don't feel like it does me any good. I'm very self aware. I keep a journal, I do a lot of soul searching, I've got a pretty good idea of why I turned out the way I did. In short, I'm not getting any insights out of this. We never talk about things I'm not already aware of.

I feel like it would be much more helpful to focus on developing better coping skills and learning how to react in a crisis. How to stop myself from getting sucked into a cycle of negative thinking. I want concrete things that I can do to make progress. I just don't see how talking about my childhood helps in any way when I'm having trouble talking myself into getting out of bed in the morning.

We've talked on 4 different occasions now about how I don't feel like I'm making any progress and it's just not working for me, but nothing changes. I've asked specifically to do these things - I've told her I want "homework," that I want to learn new skills, etc. Nothing.

I actually feel a lot worse after therapy than going in. And it's not in a "we've been dealing with a difficult subject so of course I'm going to be upset." It has happened when we've just been talking about my social anxiety, not a childhood trauma. Sometimes it's because I feel like we've wasted 45 minutes talking about crap that doesn't matter (she's asked what kind of food my restaurant serves, for example, which seems like the dumbest thing to talk about). Sometimes it's because I've just wallowed in negative thoughts without a resolution or without any meaningful strategies for dealing with things. Sometimes when we do talk about my social anxiety, for example, when I walk out I'll feel bad about myself because I don't have any friends and no one cares about me. It sets me off on a cycle of brooding which I know from experience is the worst thing that I can do.

Last week, I decided it might be worth trying someone new, so I made an appointment with someone else. I went in to my regular therapist intending to talk about how things weren't working (again) and that I was looking into other therapists. We started off in that vein, but somehow she turned the conversation back to my childhood before I could even tell her about the other therapist. I actually stopped at one point and thought "why the heck are we even talking about this? I wanted to talk about our relationship and my progress." But because I'd already decided to start looking for another therapist I just went with it.

Anyhow. First, I'm having trouble even making a decision about this, whether or not to switch therapists. I met with one last week who seemed more my speed but I'm not 100% sure about. I have an appointment tomorrow with someone else. How many times do you go before you decide? What questions do you ask? Do you just pick and hope for the best? Because I liked her initially. She's nice and all. I just don't think she's helping.

You have sort of the opposite problem I had in the past. Prior to this therapist I tended to get frustrated and quit before giving it enough time. You are giving a ton of time to something you feel isn't working. But I think the solution is about the same: find someone you feel fairly comfortable with and see them for some set number of sessions and then decide if they are doing what you need.

For my current therapist I promised myself I'd stay 3 months before trying someone else. I didn't need that long to know that it was a good situation and we're still working together 10 years later. You can choose a shorter number of sessions since you need to decide about moving, but that did work for me.

I've had similar problems in the past. I've been through enough therapy to know what works and what doesnt. And usually I can tell within the first visit if it will not work. I give a new therapist up to three days for me to feel at ease and comfortable with him/her and know that he/she will help me with my problems that brought me into therapy in the first place. How I look at it, if I'm paying I want my money's worth. There's no problem with looking for another therapist. If that is how you are able to grow as a person, then so be it IMO. Either way, do what you think is best for you. Take care.

I sprang for the more expensive health insurance so it pays 100% unlimited mental health visits. Since I don't even have a copay I feel like I could try out a ton of new therapists.

I had a session tonight with another potential therapist, and I think I might stick with him for a while. My first time seeing a male therapist. We had a good rapport and I laid out exactly what issues I want to address and how I'd like to do so.

Question: how do I go about "breaking up" with my other therapist? Like I said, I tried to address this before but she steered the topic to what she wanted to talk about and I didn't get a chance. Can I do it over the phone, or do I need to go to one last session?

Whatever you're comfortable with the last session is usually just to give the client closure. I went to my last sessions. It's a bit sad but a good way to leave a door opened.

It maybe wrong, but I just cancel my appointment and don't look back. Hopefully others have more reasonable ways to do so.

Just cancel the appointment and don't reschedule. There's no reason to pay for something you're not going to use, and that's a slot they could use for someone else.

just give them 24 hour notice so they don't charge you for the visit.
bizi

Personally, I feel it may be in your best interest to go once more and address the issue. It's important for you to learn to speak up and redirect the conversation in therapy. After all of the work you've done together, a proper "goodbye" is a civil way to handle termination.

Should you ever want to meet with her again or need her help with something, you can approach with ease, knowing you'd terminated in a mutually respectful manner.


WC