So...

My parents are fighting about money again, honestly I'm just so tired right now. There's never any food in the house, my mother continues to argue with me, my dad is still an asshole. Things will never change, my life keeps going around in circles, my moods are constantly cycling, when will it end? I hate it so much. I've been depressed for months, barely hanging on by a thread. Between struggling with bipolar and my family just exacerbating the situation my energy is gone. I'm alive but been dead inside for years now.

Edit: so I threw some stuff in my room and now my mum is screaming for me to go to the asylum. I'm not threatening them, I'm just angry and releasing the built up rage. Gosh I hate them.

I'm really, really sorry. That sounds awful.

It sounds like a horrible situation. Maybe you could seek out a school counselor. Maybe they could help you survive the chaos. I hope you find help because it can be awful to face such things alone.

(((HUGS)))

Please look for help, don't try to cope with it alone.
Sounds like a rough situation, I'm sorry.

Throwing stuff seems like a reasonable response in your circumstances! Who can you turn to in your area to help you find a healthy place to live? Do you have a trusted counselor?

I am so sorry. I also grew up in a home with parents constantly arguing/fighting. That was decades ago and now, no matter how I am feeling otherwise I am grateful that my home is peaceful.

What meds do you take? When do you see your pdoc next?
Hoping you have a therapist to talk to....time for an appointment.
bizi

Thank you guys so much for the hugs and support. I see my pdoc on the 29th. Its honestly so hard because my recent therapist dropped me like a hot potato, I was on the waiting list for a new one but I can only see them after 4 and she closes at 4, I live in a rural area so its hard to get resources, my pdoc is an hour away and I don't drive, I have to rely on my dad to take me there. I've been depressed for over 5 months I haven't moved from my bed except for pdoc appointments, now I'm rapid cycling again with mixed episodes. I've been in hospital 7 times in 1.5 years since I was diagnosed, and in hospital I almost died because staff gave me medication I was allergic to, plus my medical aid won't cover any more visits for this year. I had to take a year off school now I'm certain I will drop out. My life is going up in flames around me, I'm tired, physically and emotionally. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since age 6 but now I just can't cope anymore. I give up. When will this hell end?

I'm sorry to hear about you going through this rough time. My parents were pretty much the same way when I was growing up. I do hope you get some help from your pdoc and you get a new therapist soon.

can you call your pdoc and get in sooner?
Your medications are not right.
you need to be seen.
ASAP!
I feel really bad for you.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Just want you to know I am thinking of you and hope your situation improves soon. I agree with Bizi, can you get into see your psychiatrist sooner? Please post as much on this site as you need. We are here to support you.