[Pearl9327]

I am glad to announce that I am at a stable place in life. I have two good paying part-time jobs, I have a decent amount of friends, and I am not under enormous stress. Basically, I am at a peaceful place in life now.

So why am I going crazy?

Earlier this year, I had a severe depressive episode where I cut myself and spent a night in the hospital. Here's the thread: http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...triggered.html

I couldn't figure out what was driving me crazy, and neither could my therapist. We both assumed work was stressful for me, but even that didn't seem to add up. Something was wrong, and I couldn't put a finger on it.

For the past two weeks, I've been experiencing similar symptoms where I am irritable, depressed or thinking other people are out to hurt me. I've also been experience a desperate need to be creative. I suddenly want to work on a screenplay and take a sewing class so I could learn to make clothes. Mind you, none of this is coming out of left field; I have plans to write a screenplay and I have an on/off interest in making clothes. I am a creative person by nature. It is just that instead of waiting to do all these things, I want to do them now!

I also am seriously considering leaving one of my jobs (at a newspaper) so I could freelance. Since I'm not in the best financial state to do that, I am practically looking around for barista or waitress jobs - even though I have little experience there.

The other day, I finally realized what is wrong with me: I'm bored. I don't feel excited with life and I want to do all the aforementioned to add excitement to my life. I also feel if I do not do anything drastic as soon as possible, I will suffer another bout of deep depression, like I did back in the spring.

I read that boredom and bipolar disorder is a dangerous mix, because it could lead to depression or irrational moves. Boredom comes when stability and structure takes place, which is needed for bipolars, but comes at a price it seems.

How can I cope? What should I do? I've already contacted my psychiatrist and I'll probably get my meds changed (I have an appointment next week). But I am really scared that I may do something stupid or suffer from deep depression again. It seems one or the other will occur. Honestly, I'd rather do something like quit my good job and do something risky, than experience that form of depression again. I was out of control back then, and I don't want to go down that route again.

Help me!

[bioChE]

I'm stable and bored most of the time. My meds make it really hard to feel anything at all.

Boy, I understand this. I am bored, Bored, BORED.

I have been volunteering and trying to fill my calendar with activities - even errands each week.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I think evaluating the things that you would be excited about trying - like writing the screenplay or taking the sewing class - is a great idea. Find something (or a couple of things?) that excites you now without having a high probability of negative consequences later (i.e., quitting a job before you have another lined up). See if indulging your creative impulses helps with the boredom. Give yourself the space to alleviate the boredom before you have to go to risky extremes.

I hope you can alleviate some of this feeling.

[Pearl9327]

Originally Posted by NoIdeaWhatToDo

I think evaluating the things that you would be excited about trying - like writing the screenplay or taking the sewing class - is a great idea. Find something (or a couple of things?) that excites you now without having a high probability of negative consequences later (i.e., quitting a job before you have another lined up). See if indulging your creative impulses helps with the boredom. Give yourself the space to alleviate the boredom before you have to go to risky extremes.

I hope you can alleviate some of this feeling.

Thanks for this, NoIdea! I definitely need to discuss this further with my therapist. I have been unhappy with my job for a while now (I don't think my employer and I are a good fit), and I really want to eventually freelance. It could be that I am feeling stuck, so that is why I'm being a bit impulsive lately.

As for my creativity, that is something I try to focus on each day. But like most creative people, I wish I could do it all day, every day. But gotta pay the bills...

[hopeless2015]

I understand what your saying. I'm feeling more stable but very bored with my job which takes up my day. I'm also stuck here....I have fmla to cover me when I'm sick and I could never quite and make ends meet working somewhere else. I'm just stuck. Something to talk about on therapy for sure. The suggestions above are good.

[Pearl9327]

I just did more personal evaluation and discovered why I want to make a drastic professional change: I'm not only bored, but also lonely. I work as a field reporter, so I am often working alone with very few co-workers to chat with, grab coffee with, go to happy hour with, etc. I mainly talk to my co-workers on the phone or via email. It's hard to feel visible when you're just a voice on the phone. I'm mostly on-call, with little face-to-face interaction.

I guess that's another reason why I'm feeling blue with my job (for the second time in one year) and willing to leave it to work as a barista while freelancing. I don't feel visible. I don't feel noticed. I don't feel like I'm part of a team. I may be an introvert, but I am not anti-social.

Just for the record, I just want to leave the newspaper job because of the above, but I will keep my other part-time job (an adjunct professor). That one entertains me because I get to interact with people and not feel invisible. Also, I do not get any benefits from either job, so I am not missing out on anything.

Yeah, my plans don't make sense, and I am being very immature right now. I have been trying to find another job in news, but not much luck. And the loneliness and isolation is so aching! I just feel impulsive and stupid and immature right now. I could be undervaluing myself a great deal now too. Wait, I am.

What's wrong with me? I do feel a bout of depression is coming, and I'm trying to keep it at bay. Yes, I am bored and aching to do something about it. I'm feeling very lost now, and don't know what to do now. I do have goals to be a freelance journalist while also running a video business (which I recently started, yay me!). So I am not without direction. I just feel lost and confused on how to get there, hence another reason why I am considering the whole freelance/barista thing. I guess I have no discipline and/or confidence.

Can anyone figure out what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I being so immature and impulsive? Am I really that lost? Or am I really unable to cope with loneliness and boredom?

[BastetsMuse]

I sure can understand boredom - I've been working on that one for several months now. I'm going to try and volunteer to get out of the house. But becoming someone people depend on scares me.