Is anyone else here shy or does anyone here have social anxiety? If you do, I would like to know: How can I be confident in myself to say "the right thing"? I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and regretting it!

Essentially, here's the dilemma:
I had a meeting with my boss yesterday to review my performance over the last 90 days. It went well for the most part, except he commented that I don't talk very much during meetings.

I'm actually a very shy person because of my social anxiety. To be succinct, I'm paranoid of saying something stupid that I'll regret (and this paranoia stems from some negative experiences I've had in the past, so I think it's somewhat justified).

The other problem is that people on my team like to talk for the sake of talking and I really don't want to engage in that aimless activity. It's a total waste of my time and I don't even enjoy doing it, so why do it? That's my logic. But of course since he's my boss, I can't just say "well, our meetings are fruitless and I don't want to engage in an aimless conversation". (He doesn't run any of our meetings or participate in them. Instead, he oversees a lot of projects and acts as a liaison between different teams within the company. But still... People on my team are his eyes and ears, and they like to b#tch.)

I have set up my own meetings and run them myself, and they are usually successful for the most part because I'm the one "in control". That's the key. The only time they're not successful is when other people arrogantly override me and start the aimless talking -- but that's not my fault!

[Wild Coyote]

Wow! Must have been affirming to have your performance review go so well!

As far as hoping to increase verbal participation in meetings, there's no guarantee we'll always say the right thing at the right time.

However, chances are you will have the right message or suggestion with the right timing. Why do I think so? You do so here. Repeatedly.

I am super careful about talking when I am hypomanic; otherwise, I trust myself.

You will build more confidence in yourself via increasing your verbal participation, even just a little.

Congrats on the positive performance review!


WC

[wildflowerchild25]

I don't talk in meetings either. Only rarely. We have a lot of meetings at school and I usually sit there silently, taking it all in. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.

[bizi]

Thank goodness I am self employed. I have social anxiety issues as well.
In response, what did you say to your supervisor?
bizi

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I don't talk in meetings either. Only rarely. We have a lot of meetings at school and I usually sit there silently, taking it all in. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.

I don't think it's a bad thing either, but my boss does! He says one of my responsibilities is to talk during meetings... which is bs. I'm a listener, not a talker.

Originally Posted by bizi

Thank goodness I am self employed. I have social anxiety issues as well.
In response, what did you say to your supervisor?
bizi

I said that I do try to engage in meetings, but then he said, "When you came to visit us in Europe, you sat there silently." But that wasn't true at all. I did participate in meetings a little bit.

The meetings where I did talk happened to be when he wasn't in the room. I'm not nervous around him per se; it was just bad luck/timing.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Wow! Must have been affirming to have your performance review go so well!

As far as hoping to increase verbal participation in meetings, there's no guarantee we'll always say the right thing at the right time.

However, chances are you will have the right message or suggestion with the right timing. Why do I think so? You do so here. Repeatedly.

I am super careful about talking when I am hypomanic; otherwise, I trust myself.

You will build more confidence in yourself via increasing your verbal participation, even just a little.

Congrats on the positive performance review!


WC

Thanks, but I don't always have the right message or suggestion in real life. At least on here, I have time to think about how I want to respond. When I'm talking in person, I have to come up with a response on the spot, and well, my social anxiety sometimes causes me to get too nervous to the point I say something really stupid.

I guess there are two things I'm struggling with: (1) I want to overcome my social anxiety and open up more, while (2) having a solid reputation at work for saying intelligent/insightful things. I don't want to talk a lot and say a lot of stupid things that I'll regret because then I come across as someone you don't want to work with, which is obviously bad.

[bizi]

This must be very hard when you are shy.
((((HUGS))))
bizi