Unsure of diagnosis

Just to brief - I'm not sure if this is the right forum to go about this. I'm just asking in general. I thought maybe this would be a good place.
So, I have suffered from what I always thought was depression unti last year. I was under my psychiatrist's eye for about 6 months before he diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. From taking effexor, I had a manic episode. I have also had a lot of people tell me that they think I am borderline - these are some of the people closest to me. I'm not sure if I have both, only one, or something else entirely. I am a mostly depressed person - although I have periods of mental stability that are somewhere in the middle. I am sad, though, by nature. I have a history of cutting and suicidal thoughts/actions. I fluctuate between thinking that I am chosen and important to the universe. Thinking, no, knowing, that I am going to be famous and change the world and make a huge difference. I sometimes can see auras, feel like I have a sixth sense, I am super super confident during these periods. These are also the times I tend to use drugs the most. I don't feel like I have a lot of "impulsive" behavior....I don't sleep with random people or anything like that. But I do talk a lot, don't sleep, have huge ideas, and trip over my words as I am talking a mile a minute and one thing leads to another and I want to reform the world. I am unmedicated right now. I am relatively stable currently. I have bad anxiety, but aside from that, I am not entirely depressed or anything of the sort. I'm also not manic. There are times when I feel like I'm almost mixed - I'm super irritable but also depressed and sad and bored. I have a big problem with boredom, where I will freak out because I feel claustrophobic and like I am wasting my life away. I have also had brief periods - although I think it was primarily because of the medication I was on - in which I was almost catatonic for a day or two. I would stare at the wall, not leave bed, sleep for an excessive amount of time (12-16 hours). All of these ups and downs, and in betweens, have definitely taken a toll on my life at points. As in, missing work, having trouble with my relationships, etc. So they were not minor. Now, for when the borderline comes in.... my personal relationships are a hot mess. I have severe jealousy issues. I am crazy jealous of other people. I get angry at them for having things I wish I had etc. I don't actually visibly act angry, I just harbor anger inside and wish that it were me instead of them. Sometimes, little things will happen that just cause me to go kinda...well...crazy. It'll be something small, like someone gets drunk and I'm not there, or they hang out with someone instead of me, etc. little tiny things that aren't a big deal. but for some reason, it'll effect me really badly and I will be mad at them and upset and get really depressed and uneasy. I am sorta passive in my anger. I can be manipulative that way. I get quiet or refuse to talk, I direct attention back to myself but I am not open with what is bothering me because I know the things I'm upset about are ****ing crazy. Someone can say something insignificant, and I will convince myself that they hate me or want nothing to do with me. Whenever someone gets upset with me or even just a little irritated, I am convinced that I am the worst person in the world and that I ****ed up the entire relationship and that they hate me. Now, those are where my friendships are concerned. As far as romantic relationships...I've really only been in two. They were both AWFUL. completely destructive. The first one, I'm not really sure how to explain. We were best best friends at first and had a totally healthy relationship, but when we actually got together, it was a mess. It was also long distance, which did not help. She was horrible, we were equally horrible. I would try to confirm her love/care for me by saying that I had tried to kill myself (yeah, i know...crazy..) or not answering her calls/texts after making it obvious that something was wrong. I would accuse her of cheating and lying all the time, whether she was or not I'm not really sure. I would be passive aggressive when upset. In the second one, I was completely mentally abused by a textbook narcissist. I was ******, but nowhere near even a fraction as ****** as her. I would never ever talk about my feelings or open up. I would try to play mind games...only as a result of her mind games. However, I was in what I think might be a borderline psychosis during this relationship as a result of the way she would play with my head. I was convinced that everything in my life was intertwined and connected and playing out divinely - as if someone was watching all of us and making these weird things happen (just a lot of coincidences). I wouldn't sleep for days and almost never ate. I would write out, in depth, everything that happened around me and interactions that took place. I would make charts and lists and webs about how everything was connected. I would obsess over every little thing that went on around me. I didn't leave my room much. etc. Anyway, sorry this is so long. I just am curious on other people's opinions. TL;DR - I'm not sure if I'm bipolar or borderline. Neither or both.

---- response. my main hope for you is that you have adequate support from your meds doctor and your talk therapist. Just one of these is not enough and you should be going often. After having struggled w bipolar mixed for 30 years i think that the docs mostly treat the symptoms rather than pinning down diagnoses. Its more important to provide relief. Im not saying a correct diagnosis isnt important. Find out online about distinguishing symptoms for borderline for example. I am thinking of one in particular that you did not mention. If you are not taking an anti psychotic medication, ask for one. Hope you feel better.

I read your story and hope that things go well with you. I have been diagnosed with multiple illnesses myself. First it was paranoid schizophrenia, then depression w/ psychosis and OCD, then BP I when I ended up in the hospital. Some people still think I'm a schizophrenic even though that has been ruled out. To be frank a diagnosis is helpful to know but it is the therapy and meds that have helped me. Finding the right combination of pills has stabilized me alot. Time to time it needs to be adjusted and therapy with my doc has helped aswell.

Welcome, childofthemoon8

Well, whatever it is, it doesn't sound like much fun. We obviously can't diagnose, but you do describe a lot of borderline behavior and reactions. Indicators of bipolar seem to be fewer, but present. Sometimes that just boils down to what one happens to write about (being but one of many reasons we can't diagnose -- lack of full and objective IRL picture -- which is an inescapeable reality for everyone).

Long/short -- it could be both. But not to worry. The important thing is that the symptoms are treated, more than what label it has (not saying label is without merit, because I believe it is, but to point out the importance of remembering the larger picture).

If there is BPD (borderline), there is some good news for you, and that is that it is curable. With a lot of hard work and therapy (like DBT), because it basically arises from skewed perceptions producing maladaptive behaviors. They likely were useful (probably felt protective) at some point in time, but they no longer serve you well. In fact, make problems for you. But because they were learned (even if subconciously), they can be unlearned. Takes dedication, but very worthwhile in making one's life less tumultuous (especially in regards to relationships of all kinds).

I have both BP and BPD. Some of what you said resonates with me. I hope you have professional mental health experts that can treat you and give you what you need.