[BipolarMama31]

Im so depressed today. Im snapping at people. Angry in general. And i just want to be alone. With noresponsibilities.

First of all. Im on day 2 of going from 150mg trileptal to 300mg.

Second. I went to the endocrinologist today. He said my thyroid is 35% scar tissue. Meaning its functioning at 65% i guess. And theybalso found a nodule. They are doing a biopsy on it on wednesday.

Im so worried. My best friend literally just got done with radiation and chemo for thyroid cancer.

They did more bloodwork today. When the results get back in about a week, i will go back in to start on meds.Synthroid im assuming.

I also found out im 147lbs. Thats high for me. Like, ive gained about 50 pounds in the last year. I feel gross and fat and sad. And im effing scared.

I really just wanna say ef this and get drunk tonight.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

((((BipolarMama31))))

I'm so sorry you have so much on your plate - what a frustrating and scary time for you! I understand the impulse to say 'screw it all' when it just feels like too much - I think most of us here get that all too well.

Whatever you decide to do ultimately tonight, be kind and careful with yourself. It does sound like you need a way to release all this stress - I'm not sure what normally works best for you (and what is a safe option for the long term), but I hope you can find something that helps you to cope with the not-knowing, the negative self imaging, and the med change.

Any way you could get a night away on your own? Would that be helpful? I did that once when I was in a pretty harsh postpartum depression and wasn't able to get any sleep at home. I went to a hotel for a night and let my responsibilities go, just briefly. Can you do something like that? Crash at a friend's house? Get a sitter for 4 hours?

Good luck, mama. Take care of you.

[Coffeee]

That sounds like a whole lot to deal with! I hope you muddle through somehow. I'm rooting for you hugs!

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks.

Had a good long cry last night.

[OctobersBlackRose]

(((Hugs)))

[Unrigged64072835]

(((((BipolarMama31)))))

Hope you feel better soon.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

So sorry! If it makes you feel any better, I have Hashimoto's and 4 nodules. One was biopsied and it was negative for Cancer. If you have ever been on Lithium then it can cause nodules. Keep us updated on the biopsy! Hugs!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( hugs ))))))))

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks everyone for just replying. It means a lot.

I had a good cry, and now im back to living my life.

Something good came from this. Ive been super estranged from my father for years. And i reached out to him because he had his thyroid taken out many years ago. He replied by text right away to reassure me it will all be okay.
Then we had an amazing phone call last night. Our relationship is back on track and im so happy about that.

So, I cant change anything now. Will just wait.

Hashi- question for you. The dr said since my dad had a thyroid prob i was 50% likely to get it also. Now my husband has hashimotos. He was diagnosed at the mayo clinic. But he is not on thyroid meds bc his levels are all over the place.
So if i have hypothyroid and hashi, and my husband has hashi, we have 2 kids. Does that mean they will 100% have an issue in the future?

[BipolarMama31]

Its cancer.

I just found out today. Im so sad.

Doing another biopsy to rule out genetic conditions.

Then surgery to remove half of the thyroid.

[Moose72]

I'm sorry.

[hopeless2015]

I'm so sorry, thoughts and prayers your way. HUGS

[Daonnachd]

Warm thoughts and fervent prayers on your behalf.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm so sorry.

[*Laurie*]

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Remember that you have a lot of support here.

I'm so sorry and sending lots of hugs. You're in my prayers. Much love and support from us.

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks guys. It's beyond appreciated that you took the time to comment good thoughts.

Im so sad. But im so medicated I can't even cry.

The meds wear off around 8pm, so I'm probably gonna have a breakdown later.

My bff is coming over tomorrow.

I email my family updates on my health, and I sent todays update earlier and they haven't answered yet. Which is weird bc we habe a group email going and I usually get a quick answer from atleast one person.

But, my hubby is here and my babies are happy so I'll have a good cry, then live life.

[Aardwolf]

Sending you warmth and comfort at this time. Keep fighting the good fight !

[Unrigged64072835]

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks again everyone. The love is amazing!

I have heard back from my grandma and my aunt. That was nice. My mom hasnt said anything yet. Im worried shes freaking out and doesnt want to worry me.

Ill talk to her tomorrow on the phone.

Im worried that i didnt cry. Im just being rational. I came up with my plan for surgery, what i want to be tested for, etc. Then went to bed. My husband was up all night. He threw up today from stress twice. And is treating me like I'm broken.

I'm just doing what i normally do. Im not even sad.

I told my closest family. My 2 bffs and my old work bff.

I havent told my dad yet, and we just started talking 2 weeks ago after over 2 years. But he does know i had weird levels and gave me advice.

Idk when ill tell him.

Im just numb? Maybe? Too rational.