[mossanimal]

So awhile ago before the official diagnosis of atypical bipolar disorder... my psychologist thought I wasn't depressed in a bipolar sense because I hadn't faced issues of catastrophic importance... i.e. dealing with multi-thousands of dollars in loss. Yet... I wanted to end my life because of a $1000 sword commission failing. This doesnt seem like a normal response to that issue. Now I want to stop living for no definite reason ... other than the sense that I will never succeed at anything. Last week I was on top of the world.

[mossanimal]

I just realized what I wrote above might not have made sense. My point was that my past issues were not what one would call true mania.. i.e. building up gigantor debt, flying off to Thailand for a massage with a happy ending, etc. There was no recognition of any kind of spectrum. I guess he was just telling me that I was silly for being depressed.

If it's any consolation, I don't think he meant that. But I *do* think -- if he feels the ups must require those particular parameters-- that that would be kind of weird on his part. He seemed to not be cognizant of the spectrum?? BP II has been around quite awhile(!) Or maybe NOS (what was previously called, sorry I can't remember current nomenclature) fits your situation better(??) (Not to diagnose, just thinking "out loud").

It's kind of weird how sometimes people can get hung up on the major spending thing. After all, spending is relative and BP doesn't care what one's economic circumstances are(!) If someone gave me a credit card, they'd be more out if their minds than me so the spending marker really couldn't apply to me anymore. There's only so far on can get carried away with no money and no credit, lol(!)

Just checking if I understand... The atypical dx was ok with you, it was just something bothering you upon reflection, yes?

Aside from all this, I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy and hope you get to feeling better soon.