[Tucson]

Hello all,

In another thread I talked about my self-doubting and guilt. Well I decided to chamge that. I went to the person that has been taking advantage of my good nature and put her in her place. I told her that she is arrogant toward me and told her why. She threw me out of her house. I am very upset but still believe I did the right thing. I have been depending on her help, help which I pay for. Maybe it is time for me to learn how to do without her and save $5,000 a year at the same time?

I feel very shaken over this incident, however, she had it coming to her.

Tucson

[zijax]

Awesome, way to go! I have found that when I became more assertive the people I confronted did not take it well at first. They usually got angry or defensive. But I kept staying strong and over time the relationship dynamic changed, usually with them being out of my life. Good for standing up for yourself. You are a victor and not a victim.

Standing up for myself never works out for me. I just end up feeling guilty in the end. I admire the courage it took for you to do this. I hope you continue to feel good about your decision. (((Hugs)))

[Bigmike727]

I know you feel a bit upset but if someone was manipulating you, you did the right thing. The thing is when I stand up for myself, I often blow up completely and will curse as much as what I drink water in a day. Everyone is different though, my personality allows me to just take and take until eventually you are going to push the wrong button and I will lose it on you. That's why I left one of my old jobs as a security guard, dealing with idiots was making me a very angry and hostile person, left the job and returned to my calm demeanor in a few days. Standing up can be hard to do, but it is needed to be done, otherwise people will just push over you in life.

[Unrigged64072835]

You did the right thing. Stay the course with it.

[Tucson]

She is arrogant and can be manipulative. She feels that she can do a better job at running my life and how I raise my child. I let this pass for years not thinking much about it but I have my fill of it now. She likes others to see her being very generous with me and I would not be able to handle my mother without her. Arrogant and naive. Furthermore, I pay her good money to help me by babysitting my mother for me. She does not tell anyone about that. This is my first step not letting her not walk all over me. I had psychologically developed a dependant relationship with her which helped me not feel alone. That is all. A place to escape to during those really bad days. She took advantage of this.

I am also considering lowering what I pay her. Rarely do I use her for a couple hours a week, but I pay her $100 a week for her "help". When I was in a bad position years ago, she got me to pay her $200 a week and think nothing of the burden this was on me. I am thinking of using the same amount of money to bring someone in for one to two days a week, three hours a day for attendant care. This means bathing her and changing her diapers, not just babysitting. Then I will no longer have problems with bed bugs which infest her house. This is another thing I have had to contend with.

Tucson

[bizi]

If you hire some one thru an agency it will cost you at least $15 dollars an hour. and a 3 hour minimum per week. Hiring some one privately will cost you less but will not have the guarantee that an agency will give you.
Not sure of what you were expecting them....but it is expensive to hire good help.
bizi

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by bizi

If you hire some one thru an agency it will cost you at least $15 dollars an hour. and a 3 hour minimum per week. Hiring some one privately will cost you less but will not have the guarantee that an agency will give you.
Not sure of what you were expecting them....but it is expensive to hire good help.
bizi

For the same amount of $100 a week, I can hire a competent caregiver for attendant care, which is much more than babysitting. I have one interested in coming for two days, three hours a day. This will be much more than what I am getting out of the neighbor and for the same cost. In the past, the neighbor had tried to hit me up for more money which I flatly declined. So I just want someone to work for the money that I am giving them. I then can take a nice break twice a week.