It's getting worse

Thanks so much for all the information. If/when I go I'll be more prepared and know what to expect. I just don't do well with talking to people about anything. I get so nervous I forget what to say.

I also don't want to seem dramatic because you can't tell all my symptoms are happening. I don't want my mom to think I don't need to be hospitalized.

Thank you very much. It's nice to hear good things.

Stop worrying so much about what other people think and start caring more about how you feel....you DESERVE to feel better. I've had 2 ambulance rides to the hospital and nobody made a peep about it. You are not being dramatic...you're being proactive ((hugs))

You have to take care of yourself and not worry about what other people think. Your mom may not be the best judge because she may need to protect herself from how ill you are right now. This is up to you. It is your health. You are having psychotic features and many other symptoms. You need treatment, intensive treatment, to stop them. That's true no matter what anyone says.

I was in the hospital for Christmas a few years ago. My mom was mad at me for messing everything up and later when my therapist had her come into a session to hear about how suicidal I had been she was upset at that and told me flat-out that I was not suicidal. Yet that hospital stay saved my life and I was dangerously suicidal for a long time.

This has to be up to you and you alone. We can give you things to consider but the decision comes to you. But if you wait you'll just get sicker. I've been there and it was awful.

Thanks both Elsa and Beyond. I'll try to not care about what others think. I'm just worried my mom will stop talking to me. That's worse case scenario. I'm still going to wait to see what my T and pdoc have to say. Then I will decide if I have to go in on my own? Should I bring a luggage bag? What all should I bring? What's prohibited?

Can you really talk to your therapist about this and try to make a decision with them? I hate to see you wait 2 weeks for pdoc and suffer that long (and it could get worse).

I take a bag with 3 days of clothes (all strings removed), slippers (no ties), toiletries, pajamas (warm ones), a few things to do, a fuzzy blanket, and I guess that's about it.

Strings, shoelaces, glass, caffeine, electronics (some hospitals vary) aren't allowed at my hospital.

Should I bring more clothes so I don't have to worry about washing them? I don't want to mess with that. What kind of bag should I bring?

I see my T next week so I'll talk to her about it then.

Different hospitals are different about the amount of clothes. Some are pretty strict I've heard. The first time I went I packed for a week b/c I had been told I'd be there that long. They were ok about it but didn't give me all my clothes, just a few days worth. I'm not exactly sure why.

I usually take a smallish suitcase and a backpack with my blanket and a pillow (I hate the hospital ones). They seem ok with that.

Hope you get the help you need.

I'll try to look up the rules at my local hospital. I really wish we could bring more clothes. I don't like not knowing where my things are. I'll be sure to remember a pillow and blanket. Does it get cold there?

I'm also worried that if I have to go in myself my mom won't take me. Last time I needed the hospital I told her and she just told me to take a Valium and we didn't go.

I wish I could give you a ride so you wouldn't have to worry about it. Could you take an Uber, a taxi, or a bus? I realize this is additional stress, but if you gotta go, you gotta go.

Thanks for the thought. There are no buses around here and we have no money for other arrangements unfortunately.

I think PC helps some people afford the things they need to keep them well. I'm wondering if they could help you with taxi money? Maybe you could ask.

I'll have to look into that!

Good idea and good luck. Keep us posted.

Will do. Thanks for all the support!

Anytime...I'm routing for you.

My T appointment is now the 7th. Had to change because of mom's work schedule. Do you think I can hold out until then?

It's always a possibility but I don't think you should risk it. I get the strong feeling you should be seen sooner rather than later. (((Hugs)))

I'm going to try to hold out. I'm only having suicidal thoughts but nothing extreme. It usually never passes that stage. If I absolutely can't take it I'm working on raising money for a taxi. My mom gets paid tomorrow so she might be able to help out some. She'll have to come with me though. There's no way I can talk to people and admit myself. I'm already dreading the interview with the first doctor I see.

Your first interview with a doctor will be the first step out of your suffering. Don't dread it.

If it helps the only time I've gone in via ER the dr part was about 15 seconds long. He asked why I was there, I said that I was undergoing 2 major med changes rapidly due to a dangerous side effect and that I was feeling suicidal and not safe at home. He said that they would help me and that was it.

The psych resident asked more questions later when I was on the unit but the ER doctor was nothing.

I have done what you are doing and tried to push past one goal after another before. I don't recommend it; it's so much easier for things to be solved if they aren't as bad as they can possibly be.

I know I should be relieved but people just make me so nervous.

That's nice to hear. I hate talking to people. Did the psych interview last long? What were the questions about?

I know I shouldn't push it. It's partly because I don't want to go and partly because I have no way of getting there.

the psych interview is longer. They'll ask you what your pdoc typically does as well as a history of your symptoms. The good thing is that pdocs are really well trained in asking questions and talking to people so they make it comfortable. They'll ask about the meds you are taking, what your symptoms are, how you are sleeping/eating, if you feel safe, that kind of thing. I honestly don't remember that part very clearly but I've never had a bad or upsetting experience.