[goodluckguessing14]

I don't even know where to begin, I can hardly think right now. I had to take aderall today get hours and hours of school work done (huge mistake). I guess the trigger, if I had to place one, was later in the day. This girl who lives in a different state whose a girl I matched with on tinder, who i've been talking to for a a month or so now consistently got into the topic of our past sexual history, and we've actually grown to like each other, well more so fond of each other. Long story short, i find out that she's been lying about the last time she's had sex. First it was two weeks before we started talking and nobody else since then, then I find out (through her constantly changing and ****ing up her stories and knowing she was full of ****--I couldn't let it go until I got the truth and the full story) that she had another guy three days before we started talking. Then I find out she had one of those guys two weeks after we started talking, when she got mad at me in an argument one night, and another this week when she found out I went on a date. To put it in a context: We both know a relationship wasn't possible, and weren't exclusive, but it was the fact that she kept lying to me non stop and changing her story that really set it off, and that's exactly what happened. I ****ing went off, I couldn't control it. I knew I had made my point, but then I kept going, and going. We argued and I screamed at her for hours until she finally cracked and told me the truth, and really---I would have just been satisfied if she had told me the truth from the start instead of dragging it out for hours and causing so much damage. I knew she was lying and the fact she kept changing her story just infuriated me. i was definitely in psychosis, I lost it--I'm still fuming. I was driving to the gas station to get an alcohol beverage just shortly after she admitted the truth to me, and on the drive there I was seeing street signs that were actually bushes--like bright yellow signs that dissapeared as I drove there. I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom before I went to the gas station, and I couldn't even recognize the person I was. My eyes looked different than I have ever seen them before, I looked scary, even to my own self--really scary. I was definitely in psychosis, but i've never seen that image of myself before. I could hardly look at the people at the gas station because I felt like they knew I was going through it (obviously they don't), but I didn't want them to see my eyes. I couldn't even make eye contact with my mom. My anxiety was through the roof, and my temper was just boiling, I couldn't turn it off. I just took some valium and am able to calm down a bit now in typing this, but for those of you who have experienced psychosis before: Is there any way to stop it? I knew I was going through it, I knew I was overreacting, but I felt like I wasn't in control. I wasn't myself, and my anger lingered far longer than it ever should have. Also snapped on two other girls and drove them away (oh well, they'll get over it). Idk, tonight was bad.

I don't feel bad about any of it, as I ended up just convincing her that it was all her fault (I mean it kind of was her fault, but I used that to negate how overdone my reaction was) so she felt extremely bad about the whole situation. Whether she'll start being truthful, probably not--but now I know what to expect if me and her continue as friends. In calming now, I realize that I was absolutely out of control, and just want to find a better means to prevent that from happening again

Is there any fix or ways to stop it when it comes on?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

The only way I know to stop psychosis is a AP such as seroquel. But there's many out there. I would contact my pdoc asap and good god no more adderall! That's probably what sent you flying.

[goodluckguessing14]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

The only way I know to stop psychosis is a AP such as seroquel. But there's many out there. I would contact my pdoc asap and good god no more adderall! That's probably what sent you flying.

Oh without a doubt, the aderall is what really triggered it. I take everything but an AP, even though I probably need one. The side effects or possible long term side effects just freak me out too much, and I see many people saying they feel a cognitive decline so I've tried to not touch those--even if they may be my only solution

[goodluckguessing14]

calmed down today. At about a 2/10 compared to yesterday, but ****, that wasn't fun at all

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I know a lot of people are scared of APs but I've been on a lot with no side effects. You just have to find the right one for you. I used to abuse stimulants like adderall and wow I think I was hypo/manic the whole time I was on them. I ended up losing my job over it because I was having mood swings from going way up to crashing on a daily basis. It was hell. Take care of yourself and get some rest. When all else fails, I lay in bed with my eyes closed whether I'm sleeping or not. At least I won't get myself into trouble laying in bed lol.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I sometimes cannot focus to read long posts so I honestly couldn't read yours.

Please know I hope things get better!!

[goodluckguessing14]

does anyone have experience with abilify? Might look into that one

@Halliebeth87 - Long story short: Rage, delusions, anxiety, paranoia. Totally lost my ****

[Moose72]

Why would a bipolar person get prescribed Adderall? I'm confused

[goodluckguessing14]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Why would a bipolar person get prescribed Adderall? I'm confused

It was something I asked for. I work full time in a career environment, am doing my masters, as well as a professional license. Studying and work is all I do. Try keeping your focus and energy from 8am-10pm with mentally draining activities and you'll see what I mean, but obviously I need to lower the dosage or stop it completely

As a person who is currently on and off psychotic currently, I can tell you what helps me "sometimes". I have a mantra "I could always be wrong". Sometimes this helps....sometimes it makes me more confused but it keeps me from acting impulsively sometimes. I relate to not being able to look in people's eyes, the paranoia, and not recognizing yourself in the mirror.

Just remember, just cause you have psychosis, doesn't mean you're wrong about everything. This girl lied to you and pissed you off and your feelings were valid. I'm sorry she triggered you and hope you feel better soon. AP's can help if the paranoia and psychosis continue to haunt you. (((Hugs)))

[HALLIEBETH87]

All that stuff stinks! Hope you're feeling better soon!!

[Gabyunbound]

Originally Posted by goodluckguessing14

does anyone have experience with abilify? Might look into that one

@Halliebeth87 - Long story short: Rage, delusions, anxiety, paranoia. Totally lost my ****

I've never felt any side effects from Abilify.