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#1
Nov 02, 2016, 06:43 AM
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Today I saw my pdoc and T. When I explained to my pdoc how about 10 days ago I was hit with PTSD stuff and suddenly became homicidal and suicidal and very obsessive with plots and plans it all hit me full force again. Last Tuesday I woke up not thinking about it and instead became obsessed with studying for my exam. A good thing, but I was disordered in my thinking and despite working on it for days I made little progress. My thoughts have been racing, jumping all over the place yet super focused. I felt great but anxious.
But today when the rage and trauma hit me I instantly went mentally dark, while still obsessive. I want to act on my plans now. My doctor said I was hypomanic bordering on manic, as well as grandiose and delusional...plus of course PTSD. He wanted me in hospital but i refused. He kept me talking for an hour and convinced me to go IP to get me off Cybalta and calm me down. The private hospital I go to has a waiting list but he is pushing for Friday admission. I have an exam tomorrow. The information is in my brain but I don't know how well I will construct two essays in this state of mind. Good thing is I have had great grades so far so I don't even have to pass the exam to pass the unit. I think I am going mad. I still have a grip on reality but I feel it slipping. Tonight I am safe. Tomorrow I am staying with my parents. It has taken me a long time to write this post as my mind is jumbled and I fall into wild-eyed stares.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD  "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
 1278, Anonymous41403, Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, BeyondtheRainbow, BipolaRNurse, bizi, Coffeee, jpb4815, Nammu, OctobersBlackRose, Unrigged64072835, wildflowerchild25
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#2
Nov 02, 2016, 07:01 AM
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I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I'm glad you have a plan in place to ensure your safety. Have a safe trip and please keep us updated if you are able.
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| bizi
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 Wander
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#3
Nov 02, 2016, 07:07 AM
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So sorry your going through this. Please take care of yourself. Thinking of you and hugs
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| bizi
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| Wander
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#4
Nov 02, 2016, 07:09 AM
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Please stay with your plan, it is good to hear that you are having a dialog with your doctor about this.
__________________
BP1 OCD General Anxiety Disorder Meds: Clonazapam 1mg 2x daily Lamictal 50mg zyprexa 5mg Prazosin 3mg for night terrors Best of all I am off of the opiate replacements finally, no more methadone Almost Famous: William: "Penny I need to get this interview and go home" Penny Lane : "Poof! you are home." |
| bizi
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| Wander
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#5
Nov 02, 2016, 08:14 AM
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sorry that you have to wait until friday. did he stop the anti depressant?
bizi ((((((HUGS))))) bizi
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lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
| Wander
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#6
Nov 02, 2016, 09:29 AM
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Sorry you have to wait. Stay safe.
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
| Wander
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#7
Nov 02, 2016, 10:57 AM
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Hope you will be able to get the help you need.
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| Wander
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#8
Nov 02, 2016, 07:33 PM
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Quote:
Exam in two hours. My brain is a mess and I am anxious as hell. Just holding it together to get through the exam. Don't think i can hold on much longer. Haven;t heard from the hospital about when I can get in. really hope its tomorrow. not feeling right.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
| bizi, wildflowerchild25
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| bizi
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#9
Nov 02, 2016, 08:11 PM
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Sounds really tough, just do what you can about the test and take care of yourself!
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#10
Nov 03, 2016, 04:29 AM
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Got through exam. Didn't do well but I don't care anymore. Going into hospital tomorrow morning. Anxious dissociation mind racing and obsessive. Very dark and feel like a god. Traumatised. Not safe.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
| bizi, Coffeee, Unrigged64072835, Victoria'smom
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