Klonopin as an escape

I think I am addicted to my klonopin. It allows me to escape from the pain of my depression. My T is very concerned about me driving and working while taking it. It is a low dose but still makes me a little loopy but it feels good to escape reality even for a little bit. I am allowed to take 0.5mg 3 times a day plus 1mg at bedtime. My pdoc would like to see me reduce it if I can but he just wrote me a script for 150 more pills.

Does it make me a bad person to want an escape from the pain of this severe depression even if it is with the use of drugs?

Are you honest about your depression? It sounds like you are not properly medicated.
Do you have a therapist to talk to about this?
Can you be honest with him or her?
Addictions are hard to break....
It depends upon how long you have been abusing them.
How much have you been taking?
bizi

Wow 150 more pills?!? My pdoc only prescribes it 30 at a time. And usually every other month.
It doesn't make you a bad person do want to escape pain. It's not healthy resorting to drugs but it doesn't make you a bad person. You need to find something healthier that can be an outlet from the depression.

Yes they know how bad the depression is. They all want me to go inpatient. My pdoc wants to give the meds a couple more weeks to see if they work but with the Klonopin I don't think we will get a true assessment. I haven't been using it for too long but I really like how it makes me feel. I wanted something to make me numb and in a way this takes the pain away even if it isn't the numbing effect I was looking for. It was either this or alcohol and my T and pdoc preferred this. My T is concerned about me driving and working using this much Klonopin. I told her I really didn't care because it takes the pain away and lets me escape reality even if it is just for a little while. I am worried about the withdraw further down the line though.

how much are you taking?
Withdrawls won't be too bad if you have not been doing this too long.
bizi

I take 2.5mg per day for now. Only been doing it for about a week. But I don't see me stopping anytime soon. I used to be on only 2mg a day but my pdoc recently increased it because I asked him to.

My heart goes out to you. I just got Klonopin for the first time and I'd say it's the only one I've ever been prescribed which makes me feel a bit loopy. I personally enjoyed the previous elation to this loopy feeling though. But I can see how I might feel different if I were depressed so my heart goes out to you. It's a pain in the butt to find a med that even works and when you do it works too good. You can't freakin win!

No.......many of us have been there before. Consider easing away from it and getting back to just being you. No more, no less. Just Crook32.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Did you know that klonopin causes depression and has suicide ideation as a side-effect? I found that out the hard way after it made me so hopelessly depressed that for the first time in my life I was actually plotting how to kill myself. Fortunately I realized something was very wrong and went off it, and my mood returned to normal.

Pdocs are a strange lot. My former Pdoc told me how her husband who was also a Pdoc at the largest medical clinic in the county would become concerned about his patients becoming addicted to klonopin so he's just cut them off causing them to go into withdrawals. Your Pdoc sounds like one of those doctors who over prescribes, and could be raided and shut down for it. A neighbor of mine who is also bipolar but untreated was getting a lot of pain meds from such a doctor until she was arrested.

With depression, you need to understand that just because whatever you're doing isn't working doesn't mean that there aren't treatments that will help you feel happy again. With depression and other mood disorders including anxiety, I personally believe those of us that suffer from them aren't able to produce adequate neurotransmitters to keep our moods stable, and need to take supplements for that. I compare it to an insulin dependent diabetic.

Neurotransmitters are produced from amino acids that can be taken as supplements. I've been using them for over 9 years now, and it's amazing the difference they've made in my life. I ws on meds for bipolar 2 for 13+ years with very, very limited success and more side-effects than I care to mention. About all the meds did was numb me up. Now that I'm taking the amino acids, I'm genuinely happy because my brain is getting the nutrients it needs for me to be happy. It's not a put on a happy face type thing as I've never been good at that--I'm happier than I've been in decades.

Here are a couple of good articles about treating depression with amino acids along with a brain function questionnaire showing the emotions and feelings associated with the different neurotransmitters.

http://drjolee.com/Brain-Function-Questionnaire.pdf

Natural Alternatives To Xanax, Ativan, And Anti-Anxiety Drugs - Reset.me

Natural Nutritional Supplements, Clinical Anxiety and Depression Treatment

Natural Nutritional Supplements, Clinical Anxiety and Depression Treatment

Please don't abuse your clonazepam.

I abused benzos for years. Four years to be exact and got totally addicted. Last year I got a new pdoc who didn't prescribe benzos (for anyone! Not just me) and she took me off of 4mg a day, which I had taken for four years, in only two months. It was one of the worse experiences of my life. The withdrawal was really intense. Overall the experience was four months of a nightmare. I can't properly tell you how horrible it was. Words cannot describe. You'd have to experience it.

So you don't want that to happen to you. Put the clonazepam down. Drop it off at the police station. Get rid of it!

Hugs.

Klopnopin addiction is no Joke, I have been dependant on them for coming up on 10 years now. I have successfully titrated down to ,25mg a day, but then my ####show of a life popped up and here I am back up to the regular 3mg a day. I have had the conversation with my doctor that I will probably be forever dependent on some dose of benzo, due to their nature. But I don't abuse them, half the time I don't even take them all through the course of a day, but heaven forbid the time when I forget to take them for a couple of days in a row.

Good luck to you, just realize now that you are taking the baby steps down a road which may lead to years of pain.

Benzos can cause/contribute to depression even when taken as prescribed. If you are abusing them, they are granted to cause you to be depressed and with the chemical dependency, it will be hard to get back to your baseline.

It does not make you a bad person, but it is NOT helping. You will not escape from your demons by feeding them, by making your body and brain dependent, by shutting down your natural neuroreceptors.

It helps temporarily, but it does not solve anything. And when the drug wears off, you likely feel worse than before.

My pdoc did not like the fact that I was drinking and taking benzos. So A year ago my pdoc wanted to get me off of klonipin to sleep. I was taking 1 mg at night and that was all. None during the day.
So she tapered me off klonipin and started me on trazadone But she also lowered my geodon which was a bad idea.
The trazadone made me mildly psychotic for about 3 weeks before I stopped the trazadone and went back to the klonipin and then back up to my prior dose of geodon. It took a while to stabilize. Well I got down to .5mg of klonipin to sleep so she was happy with that thankfully.
I hated the trazodone, made me super dry, super drying stuffed nose, could not sleep. And it was supposed to help my sleep.
Awful.
I have heard of some people taking seroquel for sleep, and that is an AP so that could help you too.
bizi

I told my pdoc it was either klonopin or alcohol and I don't even drink. He said he preferred the klonopin. I am allergic to trazadone and Seroquel never helped me sleep. I am worried about over using the klonopin but it numbs out the painful feelings and makes the day more bearable.

Why? Klonipin doesn't treat depression. If you are not anxious you shouldn't be using klonipin at all. You were requesting (if this is the case) klonipin rx right off the bat to misuse it and it was a bad idea by your psychiatrist to give in and prescribe it for you. He or she should've have known better. I don't let my patients try to corner me into prescribing an rx for them that I feel will be detrimental to their health

The think with drinking alcohol... it is equally dangerous as benzos, imho. Only you cannot pretend you are taking "medicine" and that "doctor prescribe it, so it's okay". No way to fool yourself you are using mind altering substances.

Substances are useful... but you need to have life in order. Otherwise, they can turn into dangerous coping method.

As others said here, it's really true Klonopin addiction is to be taken very seriously. Benzo withdrawal is hell and besides Alcohol, benzo withdrawal is one of the most dangerous withdrawals out there. When I was tapering down, I even noticed some psychosis. I still struggle sometimes with taking too many, but now I can go a few days at a time without taking any. Kicking the addiction and tapering down is tough, and you'll need medical assistance doing it properly.

I think the body gets so dependent on benzos to the point where anxiety goes up just as a result of not having enough of them in the system. Once I tapered down, I realized this firsthand. It is possible that you are not being treated properly as far as meds go, because there are other meds that help reduce anxiety and agitation.

In my experience, an increase in Seroquel made a difference in me not depending on Klonopin as much. I'm not saying that what worked for me is the answer, but talking to your pdoc about alternatives could help. So please take what everyone says into consideration. I feel for you and have been in your shoes, but exploring other options for the management of your symptoms can make you healthier and happier in the long run. You might not be ready yet, but you might want to consider this in the future. ((HUGS))

I have been on and off benzos. M currently back on lorazepam and have been for a year or so. I have never had a problem withdrawing from zanax or lorazepam. No withdrawal side effects when doing a slow taper. I guess it's just an individual thing. For the most part I don't take it for anxiety anymore, just to help me sleep. But I think looking forward to taking a benzo as an escape method could be rather dangerous. But I have been through very heavy long depressions and they definitely aren't anything I want to go through and would feel rather desperate for relief were I to enter a prolonged one again. For me therapy is as important as medication too.

The Klonopin has stopped helping. Not even helping me sleep anymore. This is what happens to me. Meds work for like two weeks and then stop. I guess I will just always have this pain that I can't get away from. Every fiber of my being wants to end it all but I can't because of my kids. Not sure how good of a mother I can be though in this condition. I can barely do the bare minimum.

Im IP right now and on 4-6mg a day. Before IP I was on 2mg and had it down to 0.5mg before i became very unwell again. Have been on it for 6 years. have been through benz withdrawals before and it is hell, even if you taper fairly slowly. Knowing that I went back on them as despite my coping skills my life was out of control and I needed something to keep me safe. My life has been crazy for the last six years so I could't get off it. Did try once and had a good two months tapering but, well, here I am again. It can get you through a crisis so don't feel bad taking it. When you're ready you can start the taper.

It could be withdrawal.... so you will slowly get better.

Are you in therapy? Are you dealing with your issues in other ways?

Focus on your kids now. You will be okay.