Where Do I Start?

I'm a train wreck inside. I can function, but its like functioning chaos. My moods are erratic from one extreme to the next. I have Bipolar Type II, PTSD, anxiety disorders and phobias, mild OCD. I was molested as a child, sexually abused by my first boyfriend emotionally and mentally abused by my parents. I don't know what its like to feel loved and valued, I'm starved for love and affection yet terrified of it because I don't know it. Also scared of it due to my PTSD. I have psychosomatic symptoms...tingling in the forehead, dizziness and arm/hand tremors.

I'm a disaster. Where do I even start to put myself back together? I've been in therapy for years but I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere and I just don't know what to do. I'm on meds too. A lot of meds. But I'm still a mess.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Maybe you need to change the type of therapy. I don't really know. I haven't been in counseling for a while, but I know it helped me. I see a pdoc for my meds and he is always having to tweak them to keep me stable. I don't have PTSD so I don't know what would help with that. Sorry I don't have more ideas for you.

That's okay. I really appreciate you took the time to respond. I've had 3 different therapists this year. Maybe its me, I don't know what I should be doing differently. If it was just one disorder, that's one thing I could focus on, but I have a list and its so many. I don't know what to focus on. Soon I'll have a lot of time to myself. I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Try to change therapist/therapy.. that's all I can say unfortunately

Good luck!

I hope you're able to find a therapist you can really 'click' with, have a good, trusting relationship with, which must be hard given your history

But maybe with your current therapist, the two of you can decide what is most pressing, what is causing the most pain and dysfunction and go from there. Maybe once you've resolved one of these issues (which could take some time) other issues will get resolved as well. Which issue do you think is the most pressing, is causing you the most pain?

Go to a day program if you can. It sounds like you need intense help but not a danger to yourself or others. They're better equipt to get you stable.

Hi vintagexsoul!
I honour your courage and honesty in sharing your story! Have you tried EMDR therapy? It's the newest hottest form of therapy out there. I'm starting in december. It's intensive and brings alot of things to the surface, but from my understanding it's super effective!
Wishing you all the best!

I was doing EMDR but my on my third session the therapist was called up to assist the military and had to leave my clinic. So I never really got to benefit from doing it.

I can't do a day program because I work. I wish I could attend even a support group, but I can't fit that into my schedule either.

I will try addressing the important issues at my therapy appointment on Friday. I know the PTSD is a major one, as are my anxiety disorders. Recently I started Lexapro for anxiety and I think its starting to kick in. Today I feel sane and stable anyways, but exhausted. I sustained intense levels of anxiety for over a month. Coming down off that, I'd love to sleep for a few days. But I'm moving into my own apartment this week and have a lot I need to get done.