[Aliendaizy]

First post...I'm new here. Just looking to hear from any women who have become pregnant or had children while having bipolar disorder.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety as a child and then bipolar disorder officially when I was 18. I'm in my mid twenties now and have been very successful in managing my illnesses and taking care of myself.

The prospect of starting a family and having children has always been very important to me. I was engaged for a little over a year and the conversation about children began coming up more often. I immediately started questioning my OBGYN, psychiatrist and therapist about having a successful pregnancy and being a mother with the issues I have. It's obviously a very complicated process. I was told I would need to ween off my medication for six months before even conceiving and then would possibly be able to be on certain medications/doses during different trimesters, doctors would all work closely with each other, etc. It's scary to think about the fact that I may not be stable enough to handle a pregnancy, let alone become pregnant in the first place. The more my fiance and I delved into educating ourselves, the more distant he became and eventually he just up and left for somebody else. It was too stressful for him, I think.

I have since moved on and am with somebody else. This topic has again come up, as having children is important to the both of us. I want so badly to have my own children, if possible. If not, I would of course consider other options, however I'm not sure if my illnesses would affect my being able to adopt a child. The only other option I can think of at that point is surrogacy and that is not necessarily a route I would prefer.

So I guess my point here is...can any ladies please share their experiences with me? I want so badly to be a mother someday and the last thing I would want is for my illness to get in the way. Any information you can give me would be helpful. I really prefer to hear real experiences rather than read endless medical articles that all day the same general thing. Any men who have raised children with a bipolar partner are free to share their experiences, too, as I always like to know what things feel like for people on the outside.

Thank you in advance!

[Victoria'smom]

I wasn't dx before I had my child. He has his own health issues. My husband is also bipolar. For a long time we lived with family that helped us out. He had his own therapist and we were all on meds and therapy. The first couple of years were hard as he got older potty trained things like that it got easier. Now as a teenager there's a bunch of bumping heads but that's normal. Just make sure you have a strong support system in case you need hospitalization when the baby is young.

I was only diagnosed with depression when I was pregnant and had stopped taking Paxil a few weeks before I became pregnant. So I was dealing with withdrawal brain zaps and dizziness from pregnancy at the same time. My doctors tried to encourage me to stay on meds while pregnant but I refused and refused treatment for sometime after delivery. I was a mess in someways and at my best in others. I decided to go back on anti-depressants and that is when all hell broke loose for me. I became manic, and made questionable choices and almost got myself killed.....but I didn't endanger my son. I remained somehow functional for him and excelled in life....working full time, getting straight A's in college, providing love and financial support for my child despite being in a very unhealthy marriage. When my son was 2, I locked myself in my bedroom for a month and refused to see anyone but my husband. My parents took care of my son during this time and I'm thankful. Without a support system I would have failed. My husband abused me in every possible way when I was locked in that room. My parents begged me to come out and at least let them see my face but I wouldn't open the door or let them inside. My mom screamed at my husband and said "you're letting her die in there" and he screamed back "she's just lazy". My parents had the police come over and they stood outside my bedroom door begging me to get help. I didn't and almost died for various reasons. Having support when you have children and this illness is critical. I'm so embarrassed about that month I spent away from my child. About my IP stays and need for help. But even mentally healthy people need help when it comes to having children.

My son is 19. He ran away from home at 15. Not because he was unhappy but because he was about to hit it big as a rapper. He called me and said "don't worry mom, I'm fine....I'm moving to New York with the help or some friends and I'm going to be the next Eminem....I know you are worried but I'm fine I promise so please just wish me luck". That incident along with several others have convinced me he's "one of us". He most likely lost the genetic lottery and now has grandiose delusions at times. But he's such a freakin awesome kid. So handsome and genuine and caring and kind.....passionate and intelligent and fun to talk to. He struggles so much because he battles a deadly physical disease as well as apparent mental issues and depression. But he's wonderful and I do not regret it and I don't think either of my parents or anyone who knows me would consider me a bad mother. If I had it to do over again, I would have stuck with treatment and therapy. I'm glad I stayed off meds while pregnant and would choose the same. I'd rather stay IP for 9 months than risk ANYTHING med related being forced upon an unsuspecting infant. But this is not the safe choice for everyone.

I will be 42 in January and really want to have 2 more kids or be a foster parent. With my illness I'm not sure either is a good idea but history proves I'm a good parent and the one thing I have plenty of is patience and love. Good luck on your decision. I didn't think much before having children or I might have talked myself out of it back then. I'm glad I didn't and very grateful for the lovely son I had the privilege of giving birth to and loving for nearly 20 years. Without him my life would have less meaning....I would probably be dead now if it weren't for him. He made me an even better and stronger person and showed me the true meaning of unconditional love.

Best of luck and I wish you nothing but happiness.

[Aliendaizy]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I wasn't dx before I had my child. He has his own health issues. My husband is also bipolar. For a long time we lived with family that helped us out. He had his own therapist and we were all on meds and therapy. The first couple of years were hard as he got older potty trained things like that it got easier. Now as a teenager there's a bunch of bumping heads but that's normal. Just make sure you have a strong support system in case you need hospitalization when the baby is young.

Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it! Now that your son is older, has he shown any signs of having problems himself? If you don't mind me asking. I know it definitely runs in my father's side of the family.

[Aliendaizy]

Thank you so much for that...I'm so sorry to hear about everything you went through with your husband. But you're right, having a strong support system is key and I am very lucky to have good family members and friends that have stood by me all these years. I'm trying to go about this in the safest, and most educated way possible to avoid any complications, and I do know that there's a good chance I'll pass along the same issues to my child...so sometimes that makes me feel a bit selfish. I wouldn't want my child to experience the things I have. But at the same time, I don't think I'm a bad person. For any of it and I'm happy with myself now and I don't want that to hold me back from being a mother. Its scary to think that I could go off the rails like that in the beginning but I want so badly to be a parent. Hearing your story and knowing what a positive impact your son made on your life...that's very helpful. Thank you again for sharing. I really appreciate it.