[cashart10]

My husband and I are moving at least 30 minutes away from civilization this summer. My best friend came to me in tears yesterday protesting this. She says my husband hasn't yet shown himself competent in caring for me and has failed to redeem himself. For those of you who know me, my husband and I have seemingly fully recovered. My best friend seems to think this move is almost his subjugation of me although I do not perceive any manipulation; he just wants to move closer to work. She is afraid I will be all alone with no one to take care of me and I will end up dead or completely psychotic. She thinks my husband is both unwilling and incapable of helping me. She asked me when he last went to an appointment and what he thought of the doctor I've been seeing for greater than half a year (he's never met or asked about her). Help me process this please.

Boy, that is a tough situation. Will you have any support nearby or will it just be your husband? How close is your doctor and the hospital compared to now?

[cashart10]

I am about the same difference in the opposite direction from my pdoc and hospital but I will only have my husband at hand.

How far away are your family and friends compared to now? Is it realistic for them to come and see you?

[cashart10]

Right now my whole lifeline is minutes away. When I move, it will be at least 40 minutes, likely more.

If you need your family or friends which it is likely you will, can they make the drive to see you and help out?

[cashart10]

I would think so.

Explain that to your friend. (((Hugs))). Reassure her she came come see you anytime. Do you feel you can commit to her that you will call her if you need help?

[cashart10]

I will try that. She is very begrudging of him because of how he treated me so it is hard to help her to see anything beyond her thinking.

I can understand how this would be hard for your friend. Sounds like you have a caring friend. This puts you in a tough place too which I'm sorry for (((hugs)))

Living in the the city, it's always 30-40 minutes to everywhere. It really isn't that far in reality; we just get used to everything being more like 5-15 minutes away when we live in a smaller town. You will find ways to get together, places to meet midway, etc. May take a bit more forethought, but it can be done.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm concerned too. How often will you see your therapist? 40min. Isn't that far but who will hold your meds for you? Can a visiting nurse come to check on you? How are you doing?

[Coconutzo]

I agree. A half an hour isn't so far away that it should be detrimental to relationships or your safety. Just a little trickier.
Have you talked to your gf about the progress that youve made in repairing your relationship? I'm sorry she is worried about you, but she also needs to meet you where you are. Do you think the move is a good idea?

That is a very good question. How do you feel about the move Cash?

[cashart10]

Well...I have tried to make her understand But it is hard. I stand by my husband and I realize his need to move. But, I was in 4 accidents in a years time when I shouldn't have been driving and she and/or my mom had to take over handing me my meds because he gave me access when I wasn't supposed to have it. His track record concerns her.

If he has a bad track record, that should be concerning to everyone. How do your parents feel about the move?

[cashart10]

I have been feeling down since I woke up yesterday and this has only made it worse. I don't know what to do about this.

[cashart10]

My parents are telling me that I can't live my life in the what ifs. They think it will be fine. My best friend thinks they are being naive.

What a tough and confusing position to be in. (((Hugs))). I see everyone's point and don't know you well enough to say one way or another. (((Hugs)))

[Wanderlust90]

Honestly Cash, I've been put in a similar situation. We moved interstate (actually 3.5 hour flight away from my family/friends & original pdoc) to a regional town to be with my partners dad. I went downhill pretty significantly, felt very isolated, didn't have anyone to lean on but my partner, who sounds somewhat similar to yours in that he either doesn't understand or is unwilling to accept my own struggle with my mental health, he just plain doesn't believe it really exists, & is completely in the dark as to how to support me (I think it's too much stress for him).

Since I've returned home I have much more support. I know you get a lot of support from your mum, which is where I find my rock. She's willing to do anything. It could turn out to be perfectly fine Cash, but consider your own needs before doing this.

I like MiguelsMums suggestion, a nurse can come to give your your mess & check on your welfare? 40 min isn't terribly far but if you can't drive your stuck relying on your husband. I understand you guys have made progress though, such a tricky situation.

[Wander]

When married my husband made us move into a caravan on his parents property as he was intending on rebuilding a bus so we could live in it and travel. Problem one was my bipolar hubby didn't hardly work on the bus and problem two his parents were crazier than us, very manipulative and fake nice while blaming me for their sons lack of progress. After several trips to the ER I ended up living IP until better living circumstances were arranged.

The property was about 1.5 hours away from my family and friends. I went downhill fast without any support except my obliviously manic husband and mean, judgement parents. I know your circumstances are different but it does worry me you being so far away from support and that you cannot trust your hubby with your meds.

Is this already definitely happening? Can you take your hubby to see your pdoc and discuss concerns with the move.

Take care.

[newtothis31]

I can understand your friend's concerns but it's ultimately your life and decision to make.

[cashart10]

Thank you all. I went to my husband with my concerns. I told him what my best friend said. I told him I am terrified of letting him know I am depressed for fear he will leave and that I also am afraid to go to him important issues. He told me he has no intentions of leaving again regardless of the situation and that he is always willing to talk about any concerns, large or small. He also claims he understands how severe my illness can be and that he will never again go against my doctor's wishes. His claim is that he doesn't want to treat me like a child by dishing out my meds/having me committed but I disagree with his argument and think that even if he believes this it isn't true. I think he simply drops the ball. Time will tell on this but if he neglects withholding my meds when it is his responsibility than he will have much on his shoulders if something happens. I hope he never has this on his shoulders. I have decided that since I had no reservations with any of this until my friend came to me that it will be safe to trust my instincts. I am holding to the facts that 35 minutes isn't impossible for anyone to drive and that we won't be moving prior to this summer.

My best friend wants to go to my next appt but I have decided this is likely too intrusive on my relationship with my husband, especially since when asked he agreed to go to this same appt. I am not going to take her.

[Victoria'smom]

I think you've made good choices. I know it's expensive but what about a locked pill dispenser?