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#1
Nov 21, 2016, 12:04 PM
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I am feeling very down the last 2 days. I know if I get so depressed again I'll be worthless again and my husband will leave again.
Possible trigger:
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
 Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, HALLIEBETH87, pirilin, Unrigged64072835, Wander, Wanderlust90, Wild Coyote, Yours_Truly
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 Coconutzo, Wild Coyote
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#2
Nov 21, 2016, 12:15 PM
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You will be without your husband if you do that.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 3 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
| Anonymous59125, Wild Coyote
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| cashart10, Wild Coyote
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#3
Nov 21, 2016, 12:18 PM
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I don't really have any solutions for you, but reading your post is sad. I hope you find peace soon.
__________________
Meds: Latuda, Lamictal XR, Vyvanse, Seroquel, Klonopin Supplements: Monster Energy replacement.  Also DLPA, tyrosine, glutamine, and tryptophan
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| Anonymous59125, Wild Coyote
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| cashart10, Wild Coyote
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#4
Nov 21, 2016, 12:41 PM
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(((Cashart)))
I'm so sorry you are thinking like this right now. (((Hugs))). Those are scary thoughts. |
| cashart10
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#5
Nov 21, 2016, 12:48 PM
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Thank you all. I am texting with a crisis counselor right now. I have just PANICKED and I'm so very worried.
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
| Anonymous45023, Moose72, Wild Coyote
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| Wild Coyote
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#6
Nov 21, 2016, 12:55 PM
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As intense as suicidal thoughts feel. they are difficult to ignore.
I go through this, too, and I try to remember it passes with time. Honestly, right now, I am getting by moment-by-moment. it's much easier for me to consider the whole picture moment-by-moment, as I can more easily get through one moment and then the next.  (((((( cashart )))))) Keep reaching out.  WC |
| Anonymous45023
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| cashart10
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#7
Nov 22, 2016, 05:43 AM
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Sending love and peaceful vibes Cash!!! I know that feeling and can assure you it will pass. You are doing the right thing by seeking help. Keep posting here if it helps and do let us know how you go.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
| cashart10
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#8
Nov 22, 2016, 05:02 PM
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Lots of love to you Cashart as you go through this rough time.
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| cashart10
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#9
Nov 22, 2016, 05:04 PM
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Thinking of you cash.
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
| cashart10
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#10
Nov 22, 2016, 05:47 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Dx: BP2 and MDD Current meds: 100mg Wellbutrin; 200mg Lamictal; 400mg Seroquel at night; Xanax 1mg/PRN; 100mg/PRN Trazodone at night for insomnia Diagnosed in May 2016 |
| cashart10
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| cashart10
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#11
Nov 22, 2016, 05:57 PM
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Thinking of you Cash. I hope you are okay.
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| cashart10
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#12
Nov 22, 2016, 06:15 PM
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But we also know that we all bounce back. It's a cycle that we try to control but we always come back to some good times. Just be you, no more no less.
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| cashart10, JustJace2u
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#13
Nov 23, 2016, 11:40 AM
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You are all so kind. I am having a better day today so far.
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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#14
Nov 23, 2016, 11:50 AM
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Hello cash. So Sorry to hear that you are going through this right now `BUT` as so many kind people have said `THIS WILL PASS SOON` We have all been there and 100% sure we will end up there again, and again! When I am really down and suicidal, I cry a lot thinking what I have done and what I have been through from child-hood! Sometimes` it can last a day, a week or a few weeks`.
You take care................ 
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My home is my sanctuary and also my prison. |
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#15
Nov 23, 2016, 12:38 PM
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Listening to Tori Amos' cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit that Wander shared...feeling raw, emotional. Sinking into the beauty of sadness. Wishing this feeling would go away. Wishing this feeling would never end. Hating and loving darkness. Wanting to share how this heaviness feels to me...but I can't...too vile, too wicked, too evil. Instead I fall into intense passion; I fall into the vigorous fire of my sex, the addiction of depression. Wishing the deepest depths of mania had never ended. Wishing I could die from this sudden pain. Hugging the grips of madness...once again.
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
| Victoria'smom, Wander
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#16
Nov 23, 2016, 07:21 PM
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Sorry if the song upset you Cash. Maybe write down how you feel if you cannot write it here. We won't judge you if you do choose to share. Best thing is to get it out somehow. I too long for my mania. I was so euphoric and powerful, indestructible and at one with the multiverse.
Can you do anything to stop the slide into what you call, 'madness'? Stay safe and keep posting. xx
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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#17
Nov 24, 2016, 06:59 AM
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Quote:
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#18
Nov 24, 2016, 08:42 AM
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Big HUGS cash!!! I hope today is better for you
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
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#19
Nov 24, 2016, 10:58 AM
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Thinking about you, cashart. Hope you start feeling better soon. Lots of HUGS.
Oh, wanted to quick add, I worry about my husband leaving me again too if I start spiraling out of control again. Just wanted to let you know it's something I fear too.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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