[zijax]

I'm so tired of them. My parents have been divorced for 25 years and still can't communicate. The problem is they have my sister who is physically and mentally disabled. She was born with spina bifeda. There are decisions that must be made about her care and they gripe and moan about talking to each other about it. So they pull me in the middle. The latest is my sister's health insurance problem. My Mother signed her up but my Dad is paying for it and he doesn't understand why the payments are so high but my Mom won't talk to him because she's afraid he'll yell at her. And the insurance won't talk to him because he didn't sign her up and my sister isn't capable of talking to the insurance so they all try to drag me into it. And I know nothing about it. They all tell me bad things about the other one. This has gone on for years. Why can't they just grow up, get over their little hurt feelings about each other, and help my sister?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Ahhh that's tricky. Maybe just tell them to stop? Cut down how often you talk to them if you can. My dad is a trigger for me and I don't even answer his calls.

[Wild Coyote]

Your last sentence/question may be one to pose to both parents.

I, too, have a dysfunctional family.
Instead of helping one another, they get caught up in wounds and in retribution -- and it's all crazy-making. Instead of "stepping up," people want to nurse old wounds and will not help anyone truly in serious need. They are too caught up in themselves.

My family used to try to put me in the middle; however, they cannot force me into the middle. If I don't take the bait, I am not in the middle of anything.

No amount of conversing changed the patterns they are locked into. it looks like they love to despise one another, love the drama, etc.
I had to let go and totally do my own thing, find my own support elsewhere, etc.

It can be difficult to "let go" of your role with your family; yet, your sanity may depend upon allowing the to hash out their own stuff without getting involved.

Will your parents sort out their communication with each other (eventually) if you refuse to play that role?

What happens if you let go of this role of being in the middle?

Take good care of yourself.


WC

[zijax]

How do I let go of it when part of my job is looking after my sister? I clean her apartment, take out her trash, I helped her move up here close to me so I could take care of her. I don't know where the boundary exists, where I need to stop and let go. My Dad is in charge of her finances so I can't do anything with that. I guess it will need to be a case by case thing.

[Moose72]

My parents got divorced when I was 22 and they still acted like children. It's more a divorce thing. Not saying it has to be that way but it's not surprising. The kids often get caught in the middle, unfortunately.

My ex husband and I rarely communicate. As infrequently as possible since we divorced almost 17 years ago. We cannot get along and my ex lashes out at me over the guilt he has for being in and out of jail and rehab my son's entire life. My ex has admitted it's his guilt and apologizes for how he acts but he can't help himself and is like a broken record. I have NEVER asked my child to communicate for me or handle anything sensitive. I think your parents are asking too much from you and you need to tell them so at some point or another. (((Hugs))))

I'm sorry about your sister.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by zijax

How do I let go of it when part of my job is looking after my sister? I clean her apartment, take out her trash, I helped her move up here close to me so I could take care of her. I don't know where the boundary exists, where I need to stop and let go. My Dad is in charge of her finances so I can't do anything with that. I guess it will need to be a case by case thing.

It's very kind of you to take care of your sister!
The world would be a better place with more people like you.

Maybe it's time to sit down and talk with the whole team -- your mom, your dad, yourself -- and let them know their ways are too hard on you. Explain you do all you can to help your sister and you need their help/cooperation?
Be honest with them.

Is something like this -- a team talk -- possible?


WC

[st0psign]

that last part.. maybe you should talk to both of them and say for the benefit of your daughter you need to try to work together for this and this alone. not only that but mention that you have problems of your own (if they already know) and that its not fair for them to drag you into the middle of their circus.