Ashamed

The last couple weeks have been a bit of a decline in my mood....my lithium was upped as my pdoc seen my levels as low.
Im doing my best not to let myself spiral any further.
Last night I attended a wedding for friends of both my husband and I.My hubby was on call,so I made arrangements to attend with another friend until my husband arrived.For over 4 hrs I was asked by this same friend "whats wrong"......by 8 I had had enough.
I had quickly run home with her(friend) to let my dog out for a bit and while waiting....."are you sure theres nothing wrong.....Im your friend you can tell me."
When I asked her why she kept asking she said "your preoccuppied,distant,and not the friend I know."
Finally I blurted out the BP dx.......and begged her not to tell anyone.She says she wont.......but trust is not something that comes easily.
I told my pdoc and t that.....I am not the girl I once was...happy,mischievous......always ready to party.
Not drinking has been a huge challenge.....but two weeks now I havent touched alcohol.....not drinking throws red flags up for all my friends....always questioning WHY.
Maybe Im ashamed of bp,maybe its trust and the lack of it.
All I do know is that Im withdrawing more and more from the people I used to spend so much time with....and its not helping my depression...I feel sad about the whole thing.Its been difficult for my husband too.....I dont want to go out....its hard on him cause he doesnt like to go anywhere without me.....I just wish I could feel a little more hopeful.

Dreamrunner, please don't ever feel of being ashamed as being bipolar, even if all your friends that didn't know you are bipolar til now they should understand it's just an illness. If those friends think differently about you and avoid you, then they are not your real friends, friends stick together no matter what. either its a physical or mental illness it doesn't matter they are both illnesses reguardless. I'm also bipolar and I am not afraid to admit it, when I found out that I am bipolar and told the people and the family I know they still look at me the same way as before they found out that I'm bipolar. so don't feel ashamed at all.

Things will turn around...give it time. Your hubby loves you and will help you through this whole depressed episode. Your friends must be concerned because they are noticing that you are not acting the same. Why don't you talk it over with your T to see what he/she thinks about it. In your discussion with your T, you may come up with some ways to combat the problems.
Just smile when they ask you....so what's been going on this week with you..... and let them have it.

don't be ashamed if your friends can't take the dx then they are not really your friends. which i have been through. finding out the people you trust the most and hang out with the most are well shallow at the least. love you be who you are. i know what you mean about not being the girl you once were. i m there too. catch up with you later-onyx