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#1
Dec 05, 2016, 05:45 PM
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I just need to vent right now about something that has been bothering me. I have always tried so hard to achieve my goals despite being burdened by bipolar disorder. I've put so much effort into school and work that by the time I get home there's nothing left. No friendships, a romantic relationship ruined, and constant emotional agony. I'm suffering, but no one would believe you if you told them. I suffer in silence. I suffer alone. But I appear normal. Some people used to see the cracks in my mask and ask if I was okay. Other than that, no one sees the truth. So I must continue to be strong and wear the mask. It's a curse to be strong: the expectations are high, but I just can't live up to them for long. One day I will break in irreparable ways and the warning signs will have gone unnoticed.
__________________
Bipolar 1 Latuda 120 mg Adderall 40 mg |
 Anonymous45023, Icare dixit, wiretwister, xRavenx
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 bizi, scatterbrained04
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#2
Dec 05, 2016, 06:27 PM
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((((faltering)))) I understand
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#3
Dec 05, 2016, 06:43 PM
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Strength (of mind) doesn't help with anything psychotic/delusional (including mania and arguably depression). Quite the opposite.
But I think masks are fine. Denial isn't.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
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#4
Dec 05, 2016, 07:19 PM
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Why are you unmedicated (not that you have to be, but it may help)?
Do you create expectations (beyond what would normally be expected of you)? If so, you may need to find ways to lower them to focus on other or more important things: friendships, feeling more free, more satisfied.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
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#5
Dec 05, 2016, 07:31 PM
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I'm unmedicated because it turned out I couldn't afford the meds I was prescribed in IP last month and I'm now waiting to see a psychiatrist. My fault for quitting treatment in January.
I'm a perfectionist because of my anxiety and it's hard to change. I do need to though, for my own sanity.
__________________
Bipolar 1 Latuda 120 mg Adderall 40 mg |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, Icare dixit, wiretwister, xRavenx
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| bizi, Icare dixit
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#6
Dec 05, 2016, 07:39 PM
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Quote:
 Perfection is being free from expectations you cannot meet.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
| bizi
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#7
Dec 05, 2016, 10:24 PM
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I identify with you. I continue to try very hard all day every day. I do not use bipolar as an excuse ever. I push myself to overcome the daily struggles and I do not give up. Sometimes this is not in my best interest because I get completely overwrought. I look forward to the seroquel at night so I can just go to sleep and forget about it all, But the next morning I'm up ready to face the day. I'm not going to let this illness win.
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| bizi
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| bizi
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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