[Melmo]

Do you have intrusive thoughts? What kind of thoughts do you have? Have you mentioned them to your dr and if so how did they react?

[Ocean Swimmer]

Intrusive?
Sometimes when I'm depressed I think why bother fixing up the house an earthquake is coming to ruin everything.
Or trigger
Why should I take care of myself ?-I'm going to die anyway. Or want to die.
Just got a new Pdoc. He's like 100 yrs old. I needed meds but he didn't give me much chance to talk.
Is this what you call intrusive?

[Melmo]

No I mean like...sudden thoughts that come out of nowhere like for example I was standing next to a coworker a few years ago and suddenly had the image of myself grabbing the scissors on the counter and stabbing her in the back with them. Thoughts like that are disturbing because it's totally not me, and I wouldn't actually do it.
Or...when I am walking over a bridge and look down and have the sudden though of throwing myself over.
Or throwing myself in front of an oncoming car.
Or like last night when I was feeling really depressed, having the thought of just taking my whole bottle of meds so I wouldn't have to deal with my ****** life anymore.
Which is wierd because I am NOT suicidal, I am actually scared of dying.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Trigger. Oh ok.
I was I. The jeep. Undid my seatbelt and kicked out the door. Then I tried to lean out onto freeway.
My husband caught me though

[Melmo]

Scary Yea I have never actually done anything I have had thoughts to, or came close but they scare me because it's like wtf.

[Moose72]

I've had those plenty of times. They are scary and can be consuming.

[Victoria'smom]

I get thoughts like that. When they get really bad pnurse will up my AP. I told T and she wanted me in IOP because to her they're suicidal thoughts and doesn't trust me to act on them.

[BipolaRNurse]

I have them so often that I'm used to them. I'll be going along, having a nice day, when suddenly I'll get a graphic vision of one of my kids being killed by a truck or me drowning myself in a certain lake near my house. I have lots of other ones but these two are the most common. I've learned to tell myself that my brain is lying to me and that I'm OK. I also visualize a big STOP sign and tell myself to do exactly that. It works more often than not.

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I get thoughts like that. When they get really bad pnurse will up my AP. I told T and she wanted me in IOP because to her they're suicidal thoughts and doesn't trust me to act on them.

That's what I am afraid of. I have never mentioned these thoughts to either my family dr or psychiatrist because I am worried they will think I am suicidal or a danger to my kids which I am not.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Melmo

I have never mentioned these thoughts to either my family dr or psychiatrist because...

With one exception from many years ago, same here.

In my own case, I think the thoughts are related more to curiosity about what it would be like or what would happen than any kind of actual wish or desire to cause harm. So overall, I just capture-and-reject them as quickly as they come while being certain my hands remain otherwise occupied for a bit.

[Moose72]

I'm in the second balcony here at the concert. I've thought of jumping off while the singers were singing in front of thousands of people no less.

[wiretwister]

******** trigger warning ... true but maybe a little rough to hear ****************

sometimes I would get overwhelmed with the raging desire to kill and rip those around to little bitty pieces .... when I was young I used to travell with a shotgun and pistol praying that I would hear a call for help so I could become the avenging angel of the lord ... I though of nothing but dead and killing every momemt of the day ... sunk into church work deeply so I would feel justified for these feelings ... after all I was doing the lords holy work ... those heathern needed to be distroyed ...I drove 100 plus miles an hour every where I went ... practiced bootleg turns and such to escape if needed too ... actually did out run a sheriff one night ... went to religious school to contine my path to better beat those "others" down with my biblical knowledge ...

funny thing was as I learned more about the corruption of our churchs and the lies taught to and regurged out to unsuspecting believers the less "justification" my distructive thoughts had to hide behind ... learning the "truth" about organized religion actually caused me to no longer wanting to run others lifes and as such my desires to kill and hurt did lessen to just the level a normal screwed up kid would have ...

I never even considered this as not normal as it was all I ever knew ... I am the exact opposite of that now as I no longer even want to deal with others much less control them in any way ... as my religion beliefs died my humanity bloomed for the first time ... meds have helped a lot to strenghen that and to pretty well cement it to stay ....

as funny as it seems I feel I am a better person today but not as useful as I totally want nothing to do with anyone at anytime ....

this may not be what most of you feel or experience as "intrusive" thoughts but they were mine and consumed me for several years ...

bipolar ... psychopath ... just f**ked up I don't know ... but these thoughts flooded my mind every minute of ever day for years ... do not know if this fits the bp model or not ... BUT the meds have helped 100% ... my depression is mostly because I do not have an outlet for left over feeling and I turn this hate inward on my self ... they also help to deaden those feelings ..

It is very easy to believe if I had never went to that school I could be blowing up "heathern" today ... doing gods work ...

sorry so long winded but I have wanted to say this out loud for years ... it helps with the healing ... Tigger ...

ps: it anyone is offended please forgive me as the last thing I would ever want to do is express anything but love toward all of you ...

Originally Posted by Melmo

No I mean like...sudden thoughts that come out of nowhere like for example I was standing next to a coworker a few years ago and suddenly had the image of myself grabbing the scissors on the counter and stabbing her in the back with them. Thoughts like that are disturbing because it's totally not me, and I wouldn't actually do it.
Or...when I am walking over a bridge and look down and have the sudden though of throwing myself over.
Or throwing myself in front of an oncoming car.
Or like last night when I was feeling really depressed, having the thought of just taking my whole bottle of meds so I wouldn't have to deal with my ****** life anymore.
Which is wierd because I am NOT suicidal, I am actually scared of dying.

Yeah, I've had the same exact type of intrusive thoughts like that as well.

Like Miguel'smom, my pdoc had to adjust my medication until the thoughts (mostly) went away. For me, this was increasing my Lamictal.

I'm also like leejosepho. Mine are out of curiosity. "What if..." this, "what if" that...

But anyway, sorry that your thoughts are scaring you. I think you should be honest and tell your pdoc. As long as you explain it like you have here, I think you'll be okay.