[LadyShadow]

Hi there!

I have no words for what it's like to go through Bipolar Hell I call it. I suffered so much last week with it. It was a mixed state with extreme highs and extreme lows. I was doing shady crap on the internet too, that was totally screwing with me and made me question myself God and my Faith. I know we are not supposed to talk about religion, but that's not what I am speaking about. What I am speaking about is Faith.

I was so disgusted with myself with the way I had been carrying myself online (in the sex arena due to the mania) and spending ridiculous amounts of money I don't have and then coming home and falling into a deep depression that I just couldn't crawl out of because it was so gripping. So I googled "Losing Faith" and of course a lot of religious sites came up but this interesting Psych Central article came up I wanted to share that really helped me.

The Pain of Losing Your Faith | Psych Central

This article really helped me because I didn't want to turn to some cult religion to help pull me out of my Bipolar Hell. But what I needed to do was surrender and ask forgiveness, to myself. People call it "God" but I believe its your inner spirit that you pray to that amplifies out there into the universe. Call me crazy but after surrendering and asking "God" to please forgive me and crying countless tears, things really turned around for me.

Within three days, I landed an amazing dream job that is perfect for keeping within my disability financial restrictions as well as will get me out of the house. I will writing, marketing and going to several music venues for one of the oldest Music Magazines in the country. I will actually be writing and getting paid for it! A once in the lifetime opportunity!

And just a week ago I was drowning in Bipolar Hell. But I surrendered myself, and just asked for help. It's okay to ask yourself and your higher power for help because there are just some things in life that people can't give you, and you have to be able to give it to yourself.

So to all of you struggling, hold on. There is a light over the horizon, and the Bipolar Hell doesn't last. It is just this passing thing, this shadow. As Sam told Frodo, "But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for

Just remember we are all here for you and it will pass.

Hugs and comfort to my Psych Central friends

thanks for sharing

apreciate it

[LadyShadow]

Thanks shattered sanity! I know I seen you around the forums and its been tough, but you know its all about weathering the storm. But you make great threads!

(((Ladyshadow))). Thanks for sharing a little light of hope for me and everyone else. I'm glad things are working out for you and I wish you continued success. Keep up the good fight and keep posting about your success. (((Hugs)))

You sound like such a wonderful and sweet person and I'm glad good things are coming your way. (((More hugs)))

[Unrigged64072835]

Thank you for sharing, LadyShadow.

[Standup2me]

Lady, many times in my life when I have been right at rock bottom I reached my hand out to the higher power and I was pulled up. Call it God, the Universe, Allah, call it whatever you like, to me it exists.
I understand what you are saying

Yes, my creator seemed to keep me alive under impossible odds. I'm not a fan of religion for various reasons but connection to spirit, to the truest deepest strongest parts of ourselves and giving that negative energy away to someone else can be liberating in and of itself. Sometimes it's needed to see clearly. And smart when you are not thinking clearly.

[LadyShadow]

Thank you all for the wonderful positive responses! I feel like sometimes surrendering to our feelings can produce the most positive outcomes. When both mania and depression hit and you're riding through both of them, it's hard to decipher what is what, and you just throw up your hands and say "ENOUGH!!!"

In my case I did the crying version of that and just said "Enough" and cried it out as I called upon the creator to help me. I like that Elsa calling it a creator. I mean to me it's God, but the way God's name has been poisoned by so many it seems I look for other names to call the "One"