[uniandcid]

I have a problem of not feeling able to keep a job. I feel like I've tried so hard since my diagnosis at 15 to be as productive as possible. I became certified as a cosmetologist, I graduated with a B.A. from a university, I have been active in my field for three years and yet I still cant hold a job. I try everything I can to show the people around me that I matter. When I am feeling good, I over compensate to make the people I love feel special and happy. I don't get to be selfish because of my illness, because if I do, I'm a bad person. I feel like the world makes me feel like I'm taking up enough space as it is and how dare I have any real feelings. I should just continue to be grateful to be alive and that there is any support for me at all. The thing is, I do feel grateful. I feel grateful for everything I have been given, and every bit of support I receive, but I also feel a deep sadness and loss for the person I could have been. For the me I wanted to be, and my limited possibilities due to my illness. I live at the mercy of others and it is a scary place to be. When everyone else has the luxury of taking a job they enjoy without worry about stress, scheduling, environment, and work flexibility. I have to question every aspect of the environment before accepting a position, which usually results in me having to take a low paying position where my potential and hard work is under appreciated.

[Travelinglady]

Hello, uniandcid, and welcome to Psych Central! I know a bit how you feel, since I had to go on disability because of bipolar.

Bipolar is a real bummer. I wish I could help. I'm wondering how well your medications are working. I am finally stabilized on meds, but it took docs a long time to come up with the right combination.

[Ocean Swimmer]

You have value.
Bipolar doesn't matter. You have aptitude and a college degree.
Go for what you want.
If it ever gets too much for you,leave on your own terms.
I've dealt with bipolar for over 35 years.
I ran successful businesses. I was an independent contractor for years.
When I go ip and it seems hopeless,I just start again when I can.
I can say I've done more, made more $ and had more progress than anyone I know and they don't deal with bipolar issues.
You can too.

[Shazerac]

Hi and welcome to Psych Central. You have every right to your feelings and NO you are not just taking up space on the planet. Don't beat yourself up and tell yourself what you "should" do or how you "should" feel. It's negative self talk and it's lies your brain will try to tell you. You have done amazing things so far. Hang in there. It will get better.

[Melmo]

I know how you feel. I'm not working and it's because I don't handle stress well at all, and it's very stressful trying to handle working full time while being a single mom of two kids. I am on my feet going going going ALL DAY. I don't get enough sleep which makes it worse. On top of that, fast paced environments are not good for me because I find I am slow. Especially when I am anxious, my brain will litterally freeze up and I can't think what I am/should be doing. I forget things. I make mistakes. I make a fool out of myself and feel stupid. My last job was at a hotel as housekeeping and I was told I wass too slow, but also told I did a great job cleaning the rooms. So now I feel too anxious to work because I am too stupid and slow.