Stable?

I feel like after the maelstrom (hypo, depressed, and worst of all the mixed episodes to bad, bad, bad) of this past summer I feel like I'm at a baseline. I'm on 200 mg Lamictal monotherapy and it seems like it is working. I'm less volatile, I'm staying on task in the shop with less wild diversions, and my business is actually beneficial to my household. Part of me wonders if this is just the winter season. This coming spring will be the real test. Springs have been the wellspring of wildness for me.. followed by the trenches in summer. I KNOW this is best for me. But.. if it truly has stabilized.. I will miss the hypomanic behavior that has likely brought me to where I am as an artist ... if not a businessman. If it were not for the crap depressions (when I do NOTHING)... I suppose I could have gotten by with where I was. I don't know... anyway. There it is.

So glad to hear things are going good!!

Glad to hear you're feeling good. I am an artist and I used to think that I did better work when I was manic. But now that I have a body of work ( hundreds of paintings) to look back on I can see that my work was actually much better when I'm stable.

Thanks... well it was hit and miss for me... always on a tightrope. You know the whole risk taking side of things. And when I'm like that I tend to ignore the bread and butter and actual paying commissions. I think my most creative/original work happens when I'm in these moods... but my efficiency and business sense go straight down the tubes. But this is still better than depression when I basically do nothing. Mess around on the internet, reading, sleeping.

Glad you are stable and good.

Another BP artist here. I get exactly what you are saying, it sounds like me.

Another thing I've noticed: When hypo I get more creative perhaps.. but it's also rushed and sloppy. My best technical work happens like I am now. And I tend to do straight up historical reproduction work.. which is not even creative at all.. at least in a sense of originality. I'm a swordsmith by the way.. and my work ranges from 'art swords', mytho-poetic and historical reproduction. The latter happening when I'm 'stable'.

Also.. when I'm not 'stable' I may not even do swordsmithing. Last spring I suddenly became a potter.

Suddenly became a potter? That's hilarious. Did you enjoy the change of pace? I change my style of painting drastically sometimes. I went from doing portraits to surreal abstract landscape pictures

:-) yeah well sorta. It made sense at the time (and still does in my isolated universe). I see connections between everything when I'm in that sort of mood. I'm an historical swordsmith you see. And I'm interested in the early origins of iron making. So.. I've taught myself to make my own iron using Celtic technology (i.e. clay furnaces, charcoal, etc). Well I noticed that the clay became a sort of pottery of when exposed to the high heat.. and the slags became a sort of glaze. And the ores I was using were similar to what the Japanese use to make glazes as well. So... I rallied all the local potters, asked tons of questions, hunted them down, drove them crazy, built several kilns, made a bunch of pottery using nothing but the resources derived from my iron making. I saw a new path... pottery, swords.. all from local rocks. I tried to get everybody involved.. I wanted a weekend where we made glass, iron, pottery all from a single smelt. Nobody was on board. I thought they were all boring and narrow minded. This was all in the space of about a month in a half. I spent crap loads of money (relatively), hid most of it from my wife (who wondered where my new little coffee cups were coming from), completely set aside paying commissions. In the end I had several cool but poorly made pots and cups, a very frustrated wife and crash into a depression, hospital etc. Quite a summer. I still drink tea from the one cup that was actually good.
So yeah.. I sort of became a potter. The nice thing is that I know how to do it now.. and if I ever want to make a random pot I can.

(edit: by the way.. I also look back it as being pretty funny.. so don't feel bad. In some ways it has been the best thing for me.. because it led to my diagnosis and some stability)

I hope you can hold onto stability for a long time....forever! I get a bit manicky during spring so I can relate to that. Running your own business is hard work so make sure to give yourself the credit you are due. (((Hugs)))

Eek sorry to hear that you ended up in the hospital. that's not fun at all. Buts it's good you learned something new and got diagnosed.