[JustJace2u]

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way, but, why does is feel like such a chore for me to change my way of thinking? Met with my therapist today who says she will do whatever it takes to help me, but I just don't feel confident in myself. At the same time, as I told her, I don't want to end up in the deep dark place I was 3 weeks ago.

[CarriB]

If I had a dollar for every time I felt that way!! At least try doing what the therapist suggests. I know it's hard and it sucks but you have to at least give it a shot. Think about it... we as humans are always learning and evolving and this is no different.

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by CarriB

If I had a dollar for every time I felt that way!! At least try doing what the therapist suggests. I know it's hard and it sucks but you have to at least give it a shot. Think about it... we as humans are always learning and evolving and this is no different.

I'm definitely gonna give it my best, but at the same time, it's that whole 'old habits are hard to break' mentality. I've spent most of my life trying to make everyone else happy that I've always put myself on the back burner. I know it isn't healthy, but it's just the way I am. I grew up thinking I had to 'buy' a friendship because otherwise I felt like I had no friends.

What exactly are you trying to change your thinking on?

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by rose1985

What exactly are you trying to change your thinking on?

I guess it's hard to explain. I keep just being so negative towards myself and like I said, feeling as if I need to take care of everyone else before myself.

[Wander]

That is going to take time to change. Maybe try a few acts of kindness towards yourself daily before you attend to others needs. Little things like a long bath, time listening to music or whatever makes you feel nurtured and calm. Just an idea.

[usehername]

I don't know if this will help at all... but I simply correct myself. Every time I catch negative self talk, I remind myself that it's a lie, and reframe it. For example, "dammit, I can never get anywhere on time!" becomes "wow... I have a lot on my plate and I'm actually handling it pretty well. Not everyone could do that" (because let's face it, this is true for anyone battling MI).

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

I'm definitely gonna give it my best, but at the same time, it's that whole 'old habits are hard to break' mentality. I've spent most of my life trying to make everyone else happy that I've always put myself on the back burner. I know it isn't healthy, but it's just the way I am. I grew up thinking I had to 'buy' a friendship because otherwise I felt like I had no friends.

Sorry you've grown up that way

I hope you don't try to buy friendships anymor. You don't deserve to be abused like that. No one does.

I only have online friends, but I'm okay with that. I used to get abused by my real-life "friends", but then I realized over the years that they weren't "friends" at all. They just wanted my money and other things from me, as I was the only one who was always left out. So I'd rather be alone than be surrounded by a bunch of useless people.

All in all, my advice is to treat yourself like Wander said. You deserve to be happy. It's hard to break that mentality (I know because of what I said above), but it can be done by taking little steps.

For starters, you should take the time to figure out what you enjoy doing or something that you know can benefit from, then get other people involved. For example, maybe take a lunch break at work and ask someone to go with you to get some delicious takeout food that you normally don't get. Or maybe host a small party at your place

[Ocean Swimmer]

It is said if you do something 21 days in a row it becomes habit.

[imaginethat]

I've felt the same way, that some problems in life just don't seem to be solvable, no matter how much I try.

The best advice I can give is to keep trying different things. Read books, go to therapy, find a support group. Sometimes I read a book and get nothing from it. Then that ONE time I'll read something that gives me an a-ha moment. Suddenly, I figure out how to deal with a problem. That always feels good and gives me hope that I'll come across something else that will help.

Don't give up! Things can get better. Hope this helps.

[JustJace2u]

Thanks everyone. As I said to my therapist and pdoc yesterday, ever since I got out of the hospital I've been really trying to change my way of thinking, but I guess it's just a process. I'm the type of person though who is stubborn, but at the same time I want instant results.

[usehername]

Try to have patience with yourself... it's hard to make changes like that. It's hard to stick with them, too. That's normal. Recovery is a journey, and is not linear. I'm sure you're doing your best each day, as we all are, and really, that's all any of us can do... but try to let that seed of hope grow. Water it, give it warmth and light. Take care 💜

[LifeInProgress]

Yes, it is hard. I have been working for years to change my thinking and self talk. Sometimes I make forward progress, sometime I go backwards.

But over all it has been more forward lately.

I agree, make an effort and give your therapist's suggestions a shot.

Negative thinking, eh? Does this include poor self-worth. Ask your therapist about behavior therapies (Cognative Behavior Therapy is more common, Dialectical Behavior Therapy is geared more towards personality disorders). This therapy starts with addressing negative automatic thoughs. First you need to recognize them. Then you need to realize they are not working. Then you find solutions to finding alternate ones. With a great deal of practise you learn to redirect these authmatic thoughs to better outcomes. The negative thoughts won't dissappear on you, but how you react to them can be changed. This helped me a very great deal with improving what was a very poor self-worth.

[Unrigged64072835]

It seems like I'm hardwired to do that, so I have to consciously make an effort in order to construct new neural pathways in my brain. It does take time and effort, but eventually I'll get there.

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I agree, make an effort and give your therapist's suggestions a shot.

Negative thinking, eh? Does this include poor self-worth. Ask your therapist about behavior therapies (Cognative Behavior Therapy is more common, Dialectical Behavior Therapy is geared more towards personality disorders). This therapy starts with addressing negative automatic thoughs. First you need to recognize them. Then you need to realize they are not working. Then you find solutions to finding alternate ones. With a great deal of practise you learn to redirect these authmatic thoughs to better outcomes. The negative thoughts won't dissappear on you, but how you react to them can be changed. This helped me a very great deal with improving what was a very poor self-worth.

We've discussed using the CBT method. I've been trying to keep track of my thoughts so I can discuss them with my therapist.