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#1
Dec 22, 2016, 05:01 PM
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I am really disappointed and angry with some friends and family. I have been feeling up and down and going through one therapy after another for years. I have been seriously depressed and suicidal and in hypomanic states done very risky things. Noone knows about all of this. Anyway many people know about a lot of it and they know how desperately I am trying to improve. Anyway, when I tell them (like my closest friends and family, others don't know), that I decided to look for a diagnosis after ten years of depressions and hypomania (supposedly) and maybe go on meds and after telling some of them that I am probably bipolar II the reaction usually is this one: Don't make a drama, don't make things bigger than they are, you are for sure not bipolar, don't go on meds, just stop overthinking and try to get out of your depression by doing something against it, don't pity yourself, you don't need a diagnosis.
It literally makes me want to smash their faces. I am not the kind of person to pity myself. When I am depressed I get my ****ing *** up and go to work. Even though I feel like jumping out of the window and sometimes can't avoid hurting myself I meet up with friends, get up in the morning, talk about it to get better, and do sports. I went through five therapies and one hospitalization. It has been like this since I was fifteen. I don't know what the **** is wrong with them. I know that I am sometimes hard to read, because I am very "successful" and high achieving and can control my feelings pretty well in front of other people. But when I tell them seriously about my situation and they have seen me struggling for years to at least some part, how can they react like this? I just had one more difficult episode and the above are the words of one of my closest friends here in Berlin. It made me want to get up and never look back, moreover since she knows depression and anxiety. Once I went to my mum and told her that I was so depressed that I could barely get up. She just looked at me and told me to stop telling nonsense, I didn't even know what depression was. I don't know what about me it is that makes people just take me for a drama queen, because I usually don't act like one - to afraid of showing who I am. Why are they my friends if they don't think it is necessary to take me seriously? Why am I not like that when they tell me about their problems? Am I doing anything wrong? Sometimes I just want to burn all the bridges and erase all of them from my life because it makes me feel more lonely to be with them when I can't tell them about me than just being alone. Do any of you have similar experiences? Sorry for the long post but it makes me completely desperate and I feel I have noone I can talk to and I have to hide who I am. |
 *Laurie*, Misssy2, wildflowerchild25
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#2
Dec 22, 2016, 05:24 PM
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 I don't blame you for being angry and disappointed. Many people just don't understand mental illness or don't believe it exists. You are fighting a difficult uphill battle. You are not being a drama queen. I'm glad you are looking for an answer and treatment. It does get better.
__________________
 Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg 
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 *Laurie*
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#3
Dec 22, 2016, 05:29 PM
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It really makes me doubt I have something at all. I mean, I have felt for years that there was something different or wrong with me. But with all these close people telling me I should not make a big deal of it and just calm down, I start to think maybe I am just crazy (but not mental ill crazy, just exaggerating and everything I feel, all the ups and downs are my fault). I feel I am finally doing the right thing by looking for a diagnosis and therefore for stabilization but they make me feel very insecure about this.
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#4
Dec 22, 2016, 06:33 PM
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You're just going to have to be your own best friend and stand up for what you need. If you think you need help you are probably right. Be strong
__________________
Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg
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#5
Dec 22, 2016, 06:36 PM
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Onc you are diagnosed things will "click" and the better you will feel.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat  Ingrezza 80 mgPropranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 3 mg Gabapentin 100 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
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#6
Dec 22, 2016, 06:43 PM
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I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. In fact, someone told me yesterday that maybe I need more sex to feel better. Really?! I'm married. I have access to that as much as I want. You really think that's all that will cure this terrible disease I'm fighting? Screw you. It rubbed me the wrong way. You have every right to be pissed off.
__________________
BP2, previously diagnosed with Major Depression and Generalized Anxiety. Latuda Luvox Klonopin |
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#7
Dec 22, 2016, 06:47 PM
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 More sex?? Seriously? People say the most ridiculous and insensitive things
__________________
Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg
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#8
Dec 22, 2016, 06:59 PM
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Quote:
__________________
BP2, previously diagnosed with Major Depression and Generalized Anxiety. Latuda Luvox Klonopin |
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#9
Dec 22, 2016, 07:20 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg
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#10
Dec 22, 2016, 07:24 PM
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Theresa! OMG..you write so eloquently...yes..I idenify with you...I held it together..career...looks and all and when I left my job and told everyone it was anxiety and depression (even before Bipolar Diagnosis)...they all wanted to THINK it was something else.
Or someone elses caused it....or I would get better and suck it up and go back to work. I was making 100k...so this was a big quit....and they think I'M NORMAL? LOL. So, I do understand how you feel. I think all you can do is stop talking (not altogehter talking to them)..but don't even bother talking about depression...find those people that do understand (those few) and stick with them. It is so frustrating..it is... Its so sad...that the people closest to us....the people we NEED to understand just don't. My mother told me 2 weeks ago...not to talk to her again until I was properly medicated and that she didn't need my abuse. She gets I have mental illness..but she doesn't get IT really...because when I talk to her alone...about my problems...she brushes them off like everyone else...she only uses the mental illness AGAINST me when it is to her benefit (she doesn't want to come to my house for Christmas Eve). And she doesn't want to because she has never been to my house....I'm 52 years old...I've had the house 20 years... She always complained I never had anything here...now I am .....she won't come...you don't do that to people you love...she has mental illness too..only she doesn't understand that SHE DOES. So...there are like 3 people that love me...mental illness and all...know I have it badly...ask how I am...2 are x co-workers and when I worked with them..they would keep me afloat by telling me how great I was...etc...and I WAS at work...in the work I did...but falling apart at the seams all the time. So FIND THOSE PEOPLE. |
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#11
Dec 23, 2016, 01:02 AM
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As far as I'm concerned, as long as there's humanity on this planet, there will always be those ignorant idiots who will treat you just like you described. Funny I came across this post just now too because just today my little sister (well she's an adult) said the reason my dad is abusive is MY fault and that I'm not BP, I just need to get a friggin job!! This is when she already knows that I've been to sick from rapid cycling that I can't even hold a job. I literally had to set my phone down and force myself to breathe so I wouldn't do or say something stupid. Even to myself. I felt so pissed off I thought about self harming just to feel better. And now I'm absolutely dreading looking at her uneducated, narrow minded face on Christmas. Yea can't you tell I'm just delighted?! Lol. Now I totally get why this time of year is when the psych wards are so packed. Totally friggin understand that now. You are not alone here!! |
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#12
Dec 23, 2016, 01:07 AM
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Wow sorry I posted my reply before I read others msg'es but yea if sex treated BP then I'd be the most stable person ever lol. My bf and I don't need any help there so yes I can assure you this will not balance your brain chemistry lol. |
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