In my head?

Last night I was at a friend's house. She brought up her anxiety and how she was on meds for it. She asked me about different kinds of meds, because I know a lot, having been on a lot of them. She asked me why I wasn't on a particular med and I told her I didn't want to depend on that med for sleep forever. She agreed. I then told her that my psychiatrist did tell me I will have to be on meds for the rest of my life because of Bipolar Disorder. This isn't something I'm happy about. She then said, " Do you ever think this is just all in your head?" " This disorder or the need for meds?" I got very frustrated because it felt very invalidating. I told her I have tried the no meds, and that didn't go well. I lasted a couple months before they put me back on stuff. I told her it wasn't in my head. She then compared her thinking it was all in her head about the anxiety as an example. I told her we have a different diagnosis. I'm irritated that she would say that to me. I seem fine BECAUSE I'm on meds. Am I over reacting? It just seems ignorant. Also, what experiences have y'all had with invalidating comments and judgements?

I WISH it was all in my head!!!!!!! I could probably do CBT and get rid of it. This is a DISEASE we just can't brush off

I totally get it. The worst for me is when I know I'm cycling but when my husband dismisses it as me overanalyzing my 'normal' mood changes. Just because I can hide it well, doesn't mean I don't feel what's really happening with my illness...

She has problems too. She was just having a conversation and expressing how she views it. DOn't take it personally.

That is pretty invalidating, I'll admit. She seems ignorant, like many who don't have it. I've had to learn to calmly try to enlighten people (who genuinely want to know) and ignore the ones who desire their "ignorance" because it fits their beliefs (oh no, if those are threatened, hell will freeze over). She might have been genuinely curious, though. I've had to have that conversation with a few people and let things like that slide off my back.

I've posted full threads about my family's "Mind over matter" policy. Don't get me wrong, there are times when it makes sense, but I didn't hear that crap when I was diagnosed with cancer. Why the hell should I hear it with another disease that's out of my control? For ****'s sake, just back off and accept that I can't actually control this without any type of substance. To say I have tried would be an understatement. It just doesn't work that way. I have another family member who stands by "Diet and exercise" religiously. She thinks doing enough of it will keep me out of a depressive episode and get energy out when I'm manic. I'm not saying that these aren't tools, but it doesn't work that way, either. If I go on a "run" while I'm manic, I'll think (and I have) it's a good idea to run until I can't breathe, stop, and then run again and never go home because there's too much to explore. Good luck getting me up to do crap after I've crashed, I'll sleep for a day and a half and still not want to get out of bed. Not to mention, when I'm "up", I don't even realize it half of the time. If I don't know I'm there, how do I "mind over matter" it or "diet/exercise" it out? I've literally tried every aspect of each subject because I didn't want the meds. I would do anything not to have to take 'em, or pay a therapist once a week, or a shrink once a month. ANYTHING.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

her friend has issues though.

We should not be offended and cut off people who have different opinions just because they don't coddle and enable us.

I for one believe in "mind over matter" and I have it. I find somewhat ignorant to think we are slot machine with "insert prozac here" programming, eh. It is first step of the journey to accept we have problems... then we have to accept we CAN do things for ourselves.

Do not judge everybody as ignorant and not understanding just because they don't say what we want to hear right now....

That would be very frustrating and I am sure that as your friend she did not mean to hurt you. Maybe she thought she could help you make it all go away by saying those words. We all have different genetic make up and some of us are predisposed to certain things. If she had a family history of breast cancer and ended up getting it there is no way anyone would ever think it was all in her head. It is the same thing but unfortunately it is harder to pinpoint a specific diagnosis with mental illness.

I would tell her how you feel rather than have it bother you and keep you angry.

Ignorance- lack of knowledge or information. It is not offensive to call someone ignorant. It is true in her friend's case and I'm not saying to cut her off. I'm saying she needs to be informed. People telling me what I don't want to "hear right now", that's so common for me, I truly don't give a ****. I'm not here to change anyone's mind or beliefs because I don't care to. It's not my job, nor my right, to try and sway people into my way of life. "Coddle or enable"? When did I say in that statement that that's what I want from people? If I had it my way, people wouldn't exist around me. I don't want anyone to know what goes on in my head and I sure as hell would be disturbed by anyone who agreed with it, let alone enable or coddle.
I never said we are "slot machines". I will never say that. I won't take anymore than my mood stabilizer because I don't believe in medication to the point where I refuse to touch anything that I don't have to take until it's almost or already too late. It was my upbringing. Yes, we can do things ourselves, I didn't say we were helpless. Like I said, there are times when "mind over matter" makes sense and I will never deny it, along with "diet and exercise", but there does come a point where neither of those can do the job. I'm at that point.

I agree with venusssssss.

And it might be all in your head. Meds prove nothing. It's just that you are less likely to change what's "wrong" in your head (whether it's all in your head or not) than someone with an anxiety disorder. Even if it's all in her head, her brain will have changed. Maybe less structurally than yours has changed, but maybe not. You both don't need meds. You probably shouldn't call it an illness because you won't die from it even if your immune system were compromised, for example. It's not really essential. It's just that you can do more using meds.

You invalidate yourself and she does not.

And with doing more using meds I mean more of what's expected of you (people tend to expect the wrong things of us, but some of them are more reasonable).

I disagree. I know some people with mental illness don't need meds but I do. Without meds, it's very possible that I WILL die, from suicide. There have been times that I have been so impulsive and upset from ammixed episode that I would have killed myself if I had the means. And I have made an attempt, which absolutely would have killed me if my mom hadn't come downstairs. So I do think bipolar is deadly. Maybe it won't kill you physically but it IS an illness that DOES need meds sometimes.

I also feel like doing the "right things" only does so much. I know when I'm severely depressed no amount of diet, exercise, dbt training, or positive thinking is going to get me out of it. In my personal experience nothing helps severe depression except meds or ect. I know that's not true of everyone but it's true for me.

On a side not I don't think your friend was trying to invalidate you. She wa simply sharing her experiences. I don't think she meant to offend you.

Keep in mind my favorite quote from Harry Potter:

Is this real, or is it just happening in my head?

Of course it's happening in your head, Harry. But why should that mean it isn't real?

Well it certainly is not happening in your lungs or toes.

Thoughts and thinking processes are in your HEAD...

Hopelessness is inversely correlated with psychosis severity for anything from BPD to SZ. So the more severe your "illness" is, the less likely you are to die from it.

The word isn't helpful. It's a form of denial. It is you (completely; mentally; every bit of you) that has a problem, not some isolated part of you.

Well, as I said, I disagree. But I understand where you're coming from.

I COMPLETELY disagree with everything you just said. Yes, my friend might have been referring to herself and not me, but I am in NO way invalidating myself. Mental illness is just as serious as physical illness. If you have diabetes, you have to take insulin, otherwise you could have serious consequences. Mental illness is the same way. The consequences might look different, but it doesn't mean it's not serious. It's extremely difficult to function or get by without medication. If I weren't taking meds, I probably would not be able to hold down a job. I've tried the no meds thing, and it went very badly. It's very invalidating when people make ignorant statements about "getting over it". People with mental illnesses that aren't as severe or the can be managed without meds should definately try not to depend on them, but some people don't have that option. You have the right to believe whatever you want, and I have to right to disagree.
Mental illnesses may cause issues with the way you think, but it is NOT all in your head. When people say that, they're saying it's made up or not real. That is NOT a judgement you have the qualifications to make. Being told that something you struggle with is not real is very invalidating. My Bipolar disorder, PTSD, BPD, GAD, Anorexia- are all very real and troublesome. No one can tell me otherwise, because they are not me. We can agree to disagree on this.