What is it Like to Have Bipolar?

It's a battle. It grips you tightly and spits you back out. I had a few good days, and got through Christmas. But today is a bad day. Carrie Fisher dying hit me hard. It made me realize how old I really am. It made me realize I may not live a long life. It made me realize that I am a screw up because I drank beer and wine yesterday and binged on cigarettes.

Why do we do this?

WHY? WHY? WHY?

I feel like a defect, a failure. I can't shake this feeling.

Is this what it's like to have bipolar? I mean I was diagnosed so long ago and am on meds but when will it end?

Why not? It makes life interesting.

You can't fail in life. There's no rule book.

I beg to differ. I have failed at life. Didin't further my education, made poor choices many times, let my kids down bc of my illness, was married 3x, alienated people with my unpredictable behavior, etc etc. I can give you another 100 reasons I have failed, but I am tired

I think we set our own standards for pass/fail. You can change those things though. Set small goals. If you lose one pound instead of the 20 that you wanted, make sure that you celebrate that. It is still an accomplishment. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a hug (I know it sounds funny but it works). You are a beautiful person

Just don't expect anything and you won't fail. Others might think you do, but you don't have to live your life as others expect you to.

Has BP taught you nothing? Have you lost any real friends?

Do you think you've been (or are) a bad parent?

Give yourself credit, I bet you have learned a ton in your life. It is never too late to mentor others with similar struggles as yourself. Don't beat yourself up over the past. While you can't change your past or even your present, you can change how you view your life. Instead of beating yourself up over indulging on the not so healthy habits and worrying about the amount of time you have left, realize that you are enjoying the things you like and if you don't like that stuff then work on that. Don't worry about how long you have, make better use of the time you have. Sure bipolar is a lousy illness and for me it really has been like 1 step forward and 5 steps back, and it is frustrating, but it is a different kind of ride and I could definitely do without the valleys, but the peaks are great, but you can't have peaks without valleys. Bipolar disorder has lead to some of the greatest inventions and works of art, and even spirituality in humanity it really is a gift and the best gifts always have a drawback just like the drawback of life is death, of love is loss, of extreme highs is extreme lows.

This is really inspirational, very helpful insights. Thank you!

You're right, I can make my own rules if I choose.

For me, it doesn't end, it progresses. I can go months without a problem, and then the mania starts to creep up. This is why I stay in touch with my pdoc. I've had 5 medication adjustments in 2016 and none in 2014 and 2015. It's frustrating, but that's the way it is for me and I've come to accept it.

I binged on cigarette's, too. Now I'm gonna have to quit all over again. She is one of my idols.