[dihahey]

Hello all. Here is a quick background on me. I am a 35 y/o female with history of trauma as a young child. I started using drugs at the age of 12 and being very promiscuous. Drugs and sex were not my only way of escaping. I loved cleaning and started cleaning the bathrooms w/o being asked at the age of 13. I would scrub the floors and shower. Sometimes after putting my clothes away, I would think about how they were not placed perfectly in the drawer and this would keep me up at night until I fixed it. I developed an ED (bulimia) when I was about 20. Stopped drugs around 19, bulimia stopped around 30, started drinking to excess at about 26.

I was diagnosed wth depression, then OCD, then ADHD, and now bipolar. They jjust keep switching the diagnosis. I do not think that I had OCD.

Anyway, I am trying to quit alcohol and I am taking the medications as prescribed but I am just not sure I have bipolar.

My main complaints are depression and racing thoughts. I think that sometimes the racing thoughts cause the depression. I cannot get my brain to quiet down. It is so hard to concentrate on anything. When I am feeling motivated, I think that I am going to change everything about my life. I will eat 100% paleo, workout everyday, meditate everyday, all chores done, journal daily, track food, think about why I am grateful everyday, no more negative talk. I make lists and meal plans and check off each thing daily. I fail every time and then the next day I try again. After a while I get depressed and give up.

Those are the quick details. I thought that since you are living with bipolar that you may be able to help out and give me some information. Thanks in advance!

[still_crazy]

Diagnosis isn't all that important. Diagnosis is mostly used for billing and to guide treatment. If the treatments don't work, then maybe the diagnosis could be re-worked, or maybe you need a different doctor.

[dihahey]

I know that finding the right treatment is the most important thing. I just started on lamotrigine yesterday. I am just wondering if any of my concerns are typical of bipolar. I know that having the diagnosis is not going to fix things but it could help me to understand and guide me through treatment.
Thanks for your input.

[Icare dixit]

It sounds like BP. It could also be BPD. It could be OCPD (or OCD). Or a bit of all/any three (or all four).

Do you ever feel self-destructive? Do you ever feel just extremely confused (so not motivated with lots of inspiration or very fearful but highly creative, associative).

Are you conscientious? Do other people think you are?

Do you ever deliberately hurt yourself or others? Why do you drink?

Do you see your perfectionism as a problem? Do others think you are reliable, someone who takes responsibility and can be trusted with it?

Is there a reason why you become motivated or depressed?

[Icare dixit]

And does the lamotrigine help? You wouldn't know yet, but that should help in answering your question. But that it works isn't enough to know for certain whether BP is your (only/actual) problem.

[xRavenx]

Hi dihahey,

As what was stated above, it's the truth that diagnoses are often used as more of a guideline for symptoms and billing (not to undermine the importance of an accurate diagnosis though). Also, a provisional diagnosis is sometimes made until a doctor digs deeper and rules out different possibilities before coming up with the best fit. That process can take some time, but the doc will want time to observe how your medication is targeting your symptoms. Bipolar can be difficult to diagnose since the symptoms sometimes overlap with other conditions. One that comes to mind is Borderline Personality, where most people engage in risky behaviors to escape, experience significant shifts in mood, impulsivity, etc. Past trauma can also bring out these types of patterns. Health issues (like Thyroid problems) also need to be ruled out. It's not uncommon for different diagnoses to co-occur either.

Although lamotrigine is most commonly used in Bipolar Disorder since it is approved for that (and epilepsy), I hear of it being prescribed off-label for treatment-resistent depression, Borderline Personality, OCD, Schizoaffective BP Type.... I'm sure many other things.

Racing thoughts are terrible, and I'm sorry you are experiencing them. (((Hugs))). The cause varies. For me, I get them during manic, hypomanic, and mixed episodes. However, I have read people experience them as a result of many different mental health conditions. For instance, some people with anxiety disorders and ADHD struggle with racing thoughts.

I know it's hard, but it will take time before learning more about whether the meds are working and for the pdoc to explore what would help best. Did you ever consider doing a mood chart (at least during the process) so that you can keep track of your symptoms daily? There's moodtracker.com, for instance, which has helped me. It can also serve as a guideline for your pdoc to assist you better.

[Theresa1991]

Hi dihahey!

I behave pretty much the same as you and had a few different diagnosis as well. Now I am in diagnostic process once more and probably bipolar II as well.

I know exactly what you mean by saying that you "screw up" and then plan to do everything 100 % right. I periodically quit partying completely, start to do sports every day, go on a diet, start studying like crazy and then I screw up one day and everything goes down the drain. I also experience states of very low and very high energy, love to clean when energetic, went through eating disorder and drugs experiences.

Probably the others are really right when they say that diagnosis is not the most important thing, but it can help to treat you with more success.

[Phoenix_1]

Lamotrigine took a while to work for me. I was in a very bad mixed state. I was diagnosed and my pdoc prescribed it in August 2013 and it took a few months for me to feel relatively normal (whatever normal is cuz I don't know). I wouldn't go off it now. I'm sure it saved my life.