[xRavenx]

Usually my manic episodes last long, but I am noticing more of a rapid cycling pattern lately. On my elevated days, I'm taking a lot of risks and have difficulties controlling my behavior. Then, in between, I have my depressed days lately.

I feel embarrassed lately, because of recent manic behavior. I reflect on that wish that I could have done things over again. This is especially bad when I'm meeting new people: friends or otherwise. That's not to mention that when my mood is super low, I also hate the way I come off as unapproachable and shut everyone out.

I want to be able to put my best foot forward with others, but I mess everything up when I'm rapidly cycling or manic. I don't want to be that person. I long for healthy bonds. I sabotage myself, yet feel in the moment that I don't have control over my behavior. One thing that bothers me deeply: I keep saying I'm going to make positive changes, but why can't I take my own advice (or the advice of my therapist) and apply it?

Should I explain myself to others when I come back down to Earth? Am I being too hard on myself? I wonder these things. I do a great job beating myself up. No wonder the mania turns right into depression.

Basically, I'm wondering, how do you cope with the aftermath of mania? How do you overcome the guilt and frustration you have when you look back on the things you've said and done? I'm so tired of this and feel like crap about myself.

[Moose72]

I just know that my true friends will forgive me.

You have to remember that the manic you is not the *real* you.

Manic or not, we should always accept responsibility for actions, but when we're manic, we should also accept the fact that our actions are not reflective of who we are.

I say all of this because we all are often overwhelmed with guilt after our manic episodes. So, you might be able to put your mind at ease if you accept that you were not in a stable mind and accept that you *can* better yourself for the future. Acceptance is key IMO.

If needed, I will apologize for what I did and explain. Whether or not the people involved want to accept that, that's on them. But apologizing and explaining is all I can do, and I did my part. I'm not saying that to be "nasty". I'm saying that because what else are you going to do? Sometimes time is needed to let things heal, and the best you're going to do right now is apologize and explain.

For the reasons above ^, I do feel a lot better when I know I've done everything I can to rectify the situation. Maybe it will help you too.

And like Moose said, your true friends will forgive and understand you.

[Wild Coyote]

^^^



WC

[JustJace2u]

It is hard sometimes for me to figure out who my true friends are. Sometimes I think people just say things that they think I want to hear. I'm constantly apologizing to people for my behavior and most of them just seem to brush it off.

[Moose72]

Possible trigger:

Your true friends call you in the hospital after a suicide attempt and tell you they love you.

[xRavenx]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling a little more at ease. It's true that real friends will understand, while I know I always want to take responsibility for my own actions. I don't usually say hurtful things while manic....not to say I haven't lashed out at people before from time to time at the people closest to me when I'm overly sensitive....

However, usually, I'm more the type of person who I view as over-the-top, annoying, and sometimes inadvertently push people into things they normally wouldn't do since I take a lot of risks and do reckless things when I'm manic. It puts me at risk and also people close to me at risk. I look back and hope I haven't caused them discomfort or pressure. I am not this way when I'm not manic though.

I apologized to a friend today who I felt I made feel that way, and I was happily surprised he said, "no judgments," and moved on to the next subject and showed he was still there for me. Same with my best friend today. She told me that I worry too much, and she is right.

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

It is hard sometimes for me to figure out who my true friends are. Sometimes I think people just say things that they think I want to hear. I'm constantly apologizing to people for my behavior and most of them just seem to brush it off.

Same here. (((hugs))). I think I also get a little more suspicious when I'm rapidly cycling, not to dismiss that it is totally a valid concern to worry about who your true friends are. I apologize a lot, and most people just tell me to chill out....but I need that constant reassurance once I come out mania.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I've been dealing with this same thing lately. I wake up the next day and feel so embarrassed. I hurry up and delete my messages before I read them and feel worse. But like others said, true friends will understand and hopefully forget about it too.

[fishin fool]

I have had to go through these very same issues as many of us have.
It is hard and the guilt can be very tough but like bluebicycle said the manic
you is not who you are.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I reread Emls a few times before I hit send when I'm struggling.
I don't type so thankfully my messages are short.
When I'm very sick I have complete memory loss. So I don't bother with apologies.
I've only lost one friend over the years. He was a former boyfriend anyway,& I think he got married. Dropping me was probably a condition.
Or maybe he got sick of my episodes.
I've lost other friends, but those I ditched myself.
Bottom line. People are going to be able to be your friend or not.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

I reread Emls a few times before I hit send when I'm struggling.
I don't type so thankfully my messages are short.
When I'm very sick I have complete memory loss. So I don't bother with apologies.
I've only lost one friend over the years. He was a former boyfriend anyway,& I think he got married. Dropping me was probably a condition.
Or maybe he got sick of my episodes.
I've lost other friends, but those I ditched myself.
Bottom line. People are going to be able to be your friend or not.

I'm so sorry to hear this. (((hugs))).

[RomanJames2014]

I am the same right now... I always wake up the next day like "WTH happened? And what happens next?" It's so scary.
All my friends love when I'm more manic but I kinda hate the person I become.