Processing after therapy

I had an appt with my therapist this morning which was really challenging. I can't bring myself to go to work so I am sitting in the parking lot at Starbucks. I wrote this in my little notebook this morning:

I am beginning to understand why people say "I wouldn't wish bipolar disorder on my worst enemy". I thought they were referring to the debilitating lows and destructive highs. But i think in a way it's because it colors, it affects everything we think and do. We have to be constantly on guard. We always have to ask ourselves, "is this me, or is this the disorder?" We lose a piece of ourselves when we are constantly questioning what is real.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Well put. Yes, every day of my life.

Yup! All the time.

Well said.

You captured my experience quite succinctly. Stay well.

Very well put, but I have to disagree, at least in some cases. Certainly this forum is going to skew towards those most questioning who they are in the context of BP, but I do think it is possible to develop the insight, over time, to determine what is 'me' and what is 'bipolar.' It's not easy, it takes time and effort, but I think it can -eventually- be done.

I think it's especially difficult for rapid cyclers to not know who they're going to be when they wake up in the morning, but for those of us who have episodes more few and far between -which I believe is the majority, but maybe not on this board- it's possible to have that breathing room during which you can figure out -over time- the difference between what is BP talking and what is you talking.

Or let's hope this for the future and health of all of us!