[Theresa1991]

Long silence. For reasons.

I was hypomanic for at least two or three months. Then I crashed into depression for about two weeks. Everything was fear, panic, dark thoughts. I had the flu, which made it more complicated.

And now I feel myself. I am neither low nor high. I can concentrate. I can sleep. I can meet friends and drink a beer without going through the roof. I read books and I draw and I write. I am back to who I am.

And it seems like all the troubles were forgotten. I don't have any problem. I am not ill. It will never happen again. But it will.

I feel like I could cancel my next t appointment. What do I care about that psychic ****? I am going to make a tremendous career. I am perfectly fine.

If only it would last.

If you become "normal", not being in an episode, do you often think that all else was imagination? That you are cured? That it never happened and was not real and that it won't ever happen again?

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Originally Posted by Theresa1991

It will never happen again. But it will.

Yeah.

Originally Posted by Theresa1991

If you become "normal", not being in an episode, do you often think that all else was imagination? That you are cured? That it never happened and was not real and that it won't ever happen again?

This is what i thought when i was younger. So i went off my medication. Now i am still recovering from a financially ruined life because of a mixed episode this winter.
And yes, I am older than i was last year. Yesterday, even.

[bioChE]

Yep. Tried. Failed. Back at it.

[raspberrytorte]

Yes. I feel like that frequently. I always forget how bad things felt.

[Manic Trance]

I have often had a feeling like, I've ARRIVED, I'm THERE! It's super manic
I don't think I ever have normative periods that last more than a few minutes
I have less problematic times
Long stretches of hypomania
But when I think everything is fine, that's mania, I think...

[BipolaRNurse]

Oh, yeah. I totally get it. There have been many times between episodes when I believed that all the mood swings I'd been through were only figments of my imagination, or at most they were only minor blips on the radar. I didn't worry about being "cured" because I'd never been ill in the first place. In fact, I went through something like that recently---I'd been stable for almost a full year and thought perhaps I'd exaggerated my symptoms. But then I had a mild mixed episode earlier this month, and it reinforced the reality that I do have an illness that is going to come back, over and over again, even if I take all my meds and go to therapy and do all the other healthy lifestyle things.

It doesn't mean I have to suffer constantly or that I can't live a satisfying life. I'm stable far more often than I have episodes. But every now and again, I'm tempted to go off my meds and see what happens because I don't FEEL sick and the other mood swings I've had weren't really all that bad...

Then I realize I'm full of it and continue being compliant. I don't really want to find out what it would be like to be off meds.

[Musician1980]

Yes, that is completely natural. I had a similar experience with "transformed/chronic migraine" before I knew what it was. I would have bizarre symptoms and strange sensations at certain points in the day and then something would just click and I'd feel relatively normal and basically blot the bad parts out as though they never happened and "everything has always been fine."

I haven't been a breakfast eater in 20 years and I did learn over time that I feel more grounded and alive after my first meal so having these issues earlier in the day stopped bothering me much as I knew things would improve after I'd eaten and had coffee. If I tried to eat too soon after waking up, especially a big breakfast, I would feel so ridiculously tired and out of it.

[Misssy2]

Originally Posted by Theresa1991

Long silence. For reasons.

I was hypomanic for at least two or three months. Then I crashed into depression for about two weeks. Everything was fear, panic, dark thoughts. I had the flu, which made it more complicated.

And now I feel myself. I am neither low nor high. I can concentrate. I can sleep. I can meet friends and drink a beer without going through the roof. I read books and I draw and I write. I am back to who I am.

And it seems like all the troubles were forgotten. I don't have any problem. I am not ill. It will never happen again. But it will.

I feel like I could cancel my next t appointment. What do I care about that psychic ****? I am going to make a tremendous career. I am perfectly fine.

If only it would last.

If you become "normal", not being in an episode, do you often think that all else was imagination? That you are cured? That it never happened and was not real and that it won't ever happen again?

I LOVE this description. Ok, maybe I'm never ok either.

[b1ghr0ll3r]

Originally Posted by Theresa1991

If you become "normal", not being in an episode, do you often think that all else was imagination? That you are cured? That it never happened and was not real and that it won't ever happen again?

Hi Teresa1991, I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is definitely a normal feeling & you aren't alone. It will most likely unfortunately happen again. The best thing you can do for yourself is try to remember the signs, you might not be able to stop what's happening but you might be able to stay one step ahead. Take care.

Pretty sure that what's in experiencing now will never go away but what you've written sounds familiar. It's why people have a second baby....they forget the pain of childbirth. It's written into our DNA to forget pain....it helps ensure survival. The pain is real though. Torment.

Glad you feel better. Enjoy.

[Unrigged64072835]

No. I remember my bad times even when I'm stable. I'm stuck with this disease.

[Hobbit House]

Originally Posted by Theresa1991

Long silence. For reasons.

I was hypomanic for at least two or three months. Then I crashed into depression for about two weeks. Everything was fear, panic, dark thoughts. I had the flu, which made it more complicated.

And now I feel myself. I am neither low nor high. I can concentrate. I can sleep. I can meet friends and drink a beer without going through the roof. I read books and I draw and I write. I am back to who I am.

And it seems like all the troubles were forgotten. I don't have any problem. I am not ill. It will never happen again. But it will.

I feel like I could cancel my next t appointment. What do I care about that psychic ****? I am going to make a tremendous career. I am perfectly fine.

If only it would last.

If you become "normal", not being in an episode, do you often think that all else was imagination? That you are cured? That it never happened and was not real and that it won't ever happen again?

Sounds very familiar... glad I know better now!

Theresa, yes, when balanced or hypomanic, I totally forget how it was when I was depressed; then when I'm depressed, I forget how it was when I was not depressed.

I have kept a stack of index cards about 1/2 inch thick, each one was "counselor." None of them helped, till I eventually found an excellent clinic in a new city. But it took over two years to find that clinic. I also have spiral notebooks filled with depressive writings. All this "proves" that yes, I am a very mixed up? person.

I also keep the nice cards and letters that are special, from friends and relatives. Sometimes I make/refresh my list of "news and goods," and "what I am looking forward to." I make a list of people I love, who love me.

Originally Posted by Hobbit House

Sounds very familiar... glad I know better now!