Trying to hide it

I'm really just not feeling well. I've been practicing DBT skills to get through this but I broke down and called my pdoc office to leave a message today. You always have to leave a message..then they tell pdoc.. Then you hear back. It usually takes at least two days.

I think the Latuda was helping my depression last year and now that I'm not taking it I'm feeling worse. Idk. All I know is I'm putting on a show for everyone when deep down I feel like ****.

I am sorry you feel this way it is hard to feel you have to hide things. I do the same everyone around me thinks I am doing ok but inside it hurts so much. I am sorry I cant offer much advice but please know you are not alone.

You have friends here to listen.

There's not much to say. I don't feel ok. I'm doing all I can to fight this and feel better but right now I just don't. I don't know what I expect my pdoc to do. Tell me to come in? His appointments are hard to get quickly anyway. Bah.

that is hard. all i can think of is just keep trying and maybe something will start working as frustrating as it is.

Also, I have the best boyfriend in the world and I'm hiding all this from
Him. I've been home from ip for a week and feel almost as bad as I did there.

Yes, sounds familiar! Usually when I get this way my psychiatrist will call in Zyprexa for me. It works for me when nothing else works.

sometimes it takes a while to adjust back into the "real" world from ip i found after i left there i felt worse than i did when i was there for about 2 weeks after then it settled a bit but that is just me.

Im just want to be ok again

Hugs, Hallie. I don't have advice, but hope you hear back from your pdoc soon and start feeling better.

Well I talked to my doctors assistant and she said I needed to make an appointment. I was confused because at the hospital they made one for me on February 16th. She said
They didn't make it for the right office then! Gah.

Anyhow...I have an appointment for tomorrow at 4. And just happen to have gotten a birthday gift for the exact amount for copayZ

Great news! But sad you have to use birthday money on copay!

Well I'm already using birthday and Christmas for my car registration. I'd be silly to think I could use it for recreation lol

I know it really sucks when you can't enjoy money given for pleasure and have to use it for necessities but maybe it will make you feel better.

Well just found out I'll have to pay $101 to see him bc I haven't met my Medicare deductible.

Ouch! Hope you can work something out. Being seen is important, especially with how you're feeling.

It usually takes a while to get used to life outside of IP. I'd had to readjust my meds a lot after discharge. With the environment being so different I didn't need as much. I know it sounds like your case is different.

Hugs!

Thanks. I got the money to go. I'm afraid he will be annoyed because I haven't been home long. He assistant suggested I go in tomorrow so I am.

I just don't wanna fall so deep that I end up ip again.

I'm really nervous to see him tomorrow but I know what I will talk about.

1) my depression has worsened since leaving up and I'm afraid med change
Of dropping Latuda wasn't helpful

2) I need Ativan refill. I'm supposed to take it prn and I haven even refilled it since last summer.

3) the haldol Is giving me akathesia and I need to know if I can take cogentin more often then just at night.

At least you're going in with a game plan

Well Ive been planning all day. I have to think these things through because when I get there I get really nervous for some reason and forgetful.

Try writing it down. My wife makes me write down everything I want to say, and it works well for me.

How did the appointment go? or have you had it yet? i should have asked the second one first lol.

I got at 4pm. It's only 11 here right now.

I don't know if anyone has asked on this thread, but I'm curious...if Latuda was helping you, why did you stop taking it?