[seoultous]

If you have kids, how has your bipolar impacted them? Are they more compassionate and empathetic because of your struggle? Are they angry because you weren't there for them or let them down? Do you talk openly about your illness with your kids?

I consistently feel like a bad parent specifically because of the impact my illness has had on my children. No amount of therapy has shaken that belief from my thoughts.

[Daonnachd]

Like you, I feel I'm falling short, but I do think talking openly about the impact of the illness opens doors to a more compassionate social pattern for the kids.

[Moose72]

My daughter told me the government pays for everything in our lives. She also the listed other people she knows with jobs who aren't on disability. I don't know if she's disappointed in me or what.

I would hope that they'd see how hard I work day to day to keep body and soul together for us all.

We've always been (age appropriately) open with our three sons about our health, physical and mental. We did our best not to spend too much time focused on those issues though, and just kept our family life as normal and supportive and upbeat as possible. We are very close-knit. Our sons are all grown (or just about) now. They are responsible, generally content, adults. They each have had relatively mild issues with depression or anxiety along the way, but nothing that has become a major issue for them -- all fairly short-term problems that were worked through quickly.

I think the fact that we had treated our own health problems - physical and mental -- as treatable, as just something that had to be dealt with, as something we could talk calmly and openly about, they felt very comfortable coming to us when they encountered their own issues with their own health, knowing we would help them find the right support and treatment.

[wildflowerchild25]

My poor son has had to deal with so much in his short life. He's had to deal with me being too depressed to play with him. Me losing my temper and screaming at him. Me being hospitalized (for all he knows I just disappeared randomly) six times between the time he was 2 and 4. And then on top of it all his father died when he was just four and a half. As a result he's had a lot of anxiety. He's very attached to me. He climbs in bed with me every night in the middle of the night. He doesn't like it when I leave without him but he deals with it as long as he has an approximate time of return. I text whichever family memeber is watching him if I will be later than expected.

But he's also extraordinarily happy and loving. Everyone tells me how happy he is and how he makes their day. I've been stable for a long time. When my husband died I had a bit of a breakdown for a couple of weeks but I realized I am the only one he has left to depend on. So I took my mental health seriously and threw myself into treatment. It's been almost two years since I've been hospitalized and I plan to keep it that way. He deserves a stable mom.

I haven't talked to him about my mental illness. I think he's too young to understand. I will when he's older. I have mentioned the disease of addiction (his father died of a drug overdose). I will definitely explain that more in depth because I want him to know he's at risk for it.

I'm scared what will happen when he's a teenager. I'm scared he'll get into drugs. I'm scared bipolar symptoms will arise. But at least he knows he's loved and that I will always, always be there for him.

[Theresa1991]

My dad is very probably bipolar II and our relationship was always difficult. Anyway I think I can say here as a daughter of two mentally ill parents that there are things way worse concerning being a parent. Bipolar is noone's fault and I think if you handle it openly children can learn to cope with it pretty well. The important thing is that they know it has nothing to do with them and that they are being loved whatever happens.

[Smileonmyface]

my kids are too little to understand but i feel like they miss out on some of the stuff "normal" families do. i feel like they spend too much time in the house because I'm afraid to go out and try to be "normal". I feel like they miss out on me playing with them more because i am down and don't feel like it. or when i'm manic i'm so focused on whatever is obsessing my thoughts that i just let them to play with each other.
it sucks and i want to do better.
i just hope they know how much i love them.

[bioChE]

I have kids. Like the previous poster, they're too young to understand. I plan to tell them as they get older. We are also pretty open with our kids when it comes to health issues.

I think the impact on them has been as minimal as can be hoped for. The major factor in this is that my wife is normal and is solid as a rock when it comes to taking care of them and planning activities outside the home. Because of her, I'm able to get out more than I would otherwise. There are times when I need more sleep than the rest of the household, but I do what I need and go to bed earlier, take a nap, or whatever. My BP is well-controlled with meds, and hopefully I'm giving my kids the most normal growing-up experience possible.

[*Laurie*]

My husband and I both have mental illnesses. When we were raising our family we were quite open with the kids about our challenges, and we ALWAYS let our kids know how much we loved them. I don't feel that my parenting was negatively impacted by mental illness. If anything, my children have grown into especially compassionate adults.

[Trippin2.0]

I don't see that it has impacted her negatively.

I pray it hasn't, and like she says, this is her normal, so I shouldn't question myself or my parenting skills... According to her yes.

I've been very open with her since day one.

I was extremely symptomatic just before my dx (as I'm sure we all were), and she was basically demanding I see a doctor because I wasn't acting right. (I was depressed, had some psychosis and then a mixed episode)...

Anyway after reassuring her I would get it sorted, she wanted to know what "It" was.

So at 6 years old I explained a mood disorder as best I could, assured her she had no reason to worry, none of my BP symptoms was ever in any way her fault, and that she can ask me questions about it any time she liked.

She's naturally very kind and considerate, so its not BP that made her like that.

7 years later, we have a good BP rapport going, open communication, which means I encourage her to call me out on my bullshyt.

When I'm depressed she intuitively gives me alone time with a box of tissues, when I'm hypo she grabs the opportunity to enjoy it with me, although she confiscates my phone on week nights so I have a better chance of sleeping And when I get agitated, she alerts me that my *****face is switched on, and I put myself into time out.

I don't think I screwed up my daughter, if anything, she's been the best motivation for getting a handle on my MI.

Also she said the sweetest thing to me when she was about 10...

We were having a Q&A session when I was particularly vulnerable, and she asked if she would also have it one day...

I started bawling and saying sorry in case you do...

She said "I don't care if I also get it, at least you will be here to help me with it, you've had to struggle alone"

[Unrigged64072835]

It was very rough with my daughter. Not just the bipolar bit, but also being a single mom in the military for most of her life.

We made it through and we still love each other. She has anxiety and depression, but she's managing it.

[Nammu]

My daughter has definitely been impacted by my illness and especially the combo of BP, C-PTSD but she is a mature well balanced woman in a long term healthy relationship with one son and another baby on the way. I insisted on therapy so she could deal with my illness. She went though a period of hate and blame as a teenager but we got though it. The early therapy also helped her with her own struggles with her BP. She's much more stable than I ever was. A lot of the credit goes to my mum for being there for her. My mum went to education classes for relatives of those with mental illness along with my aunt. I have cousins with BP too. So although my father's side of the family doesn't acknowledge MI my mums does and it has helped all of us.
In my view the best things for kids is honest dialogue with emphasis on it NOT being their fault.

[Nova567]

My dad is bipolar I and I don't have a relationship with him anymore.
Growing up as a child wasn't always bad, but no one told me he had an illness until I was much older and his rapid mood changes and change in attitude scared me so bad. Some weekends, he'd be so nice and take us places and buy us nice things. The next weekend, he would be blackout drunk, screaming at us, scaring us, telling us we we're gonna grow up and be horrible people. I now know, he was experiencing mania (good times!) and depression (bad times).
I don't hate my dad for what he did to me growing up. I wish he got help a lot sooner, which he does now, but the relationship is so damaged there is no going back. But he's my dad and I'll always love him, even if he was a really big jerk at times.

[Hobbit House]

I have a daughter who knows I'm not always well. She knows about the Bipolar... not so much about my other stuff. We don't have any kind of relationship due to her lifestyle choices. She is married to a drug abuser and abuses them herself. I think she might be self medicating due to mental illness of her own. We had a wonderful relationship when she was growing up but that ended. She had her phone disconnected and lives in another state so we don't talk. I wish things were different but people have to want to change before you can help them. Now I feel bad. I wish things could change.

[raspberrytorte]

She's five so we haven't had the discussion, but she's smart and empathetic so she knows there's something wrong with me. Not to mention I've been in the hospital a lot, and my husband left me, moved five hours away, and my daughter was separated from me for two months. She's really sensitive to my moods. I'm sure I've scared her in the past. I hope I haven't ****ed her up too bad.

Wasn't dx'd when I had him (he's 24 now), so yes, sad to say it impacted him. My untreated MIs could not have been fun for him, after all. But I'd most say he's impacted because he may have it. He's definitely dealt with bad depression, including suicidality. More than once. They put him on meds. But not a stabilizer, which has me nervous, but I told him what to watch out for. He had contacted me over his concerns because, well, no judgement, right?

He's pretty empathetic and didn't even bat an eye when I got dx'd. Funnily enough, he had "dx'd" me a few years earlier when he was 13. Sitting on a plane, he showed me that ad (think it was for Abilify) where the lady was all over the place. "That's you", he said. "Nah, I've never called anyone at 3 am.", I replied (pointing to the ONE thing that didn't apply to me on it, lol.) "Yes it is.", he insisted.

And he was right.

[Moose72]

I've missed that Abilify commercial.

Originally Posted by Moose72

I've missed that Abilify commercial.

It was a print ad. This would've been 2005. I looked for an image, but couldn't turn it up. I remember being put off (med advertising was still relatively new -- 7 years at that point), but then again, med advertising in general I think is bad to this day, so not like I would have liked it(!)