[boogiesmash]

From my earlier meltdown, I realize something isn't working in my plan. Whether it's situational v day and wedding or full onset depression or combination of both I am majorly depressed. I want to stand by my meds. Besides my bday and this week I have been fine for the most part, except coming into darkness and isolation. I regret not taking pictures cause I hate my body, but I have none to look at to remind me of good times. Picture of my 20s are completely different than I am now. I'm still in tears and hurting. Not as bad as before but something has got to give.

I need to start getting out there.
I have to stop going straight to bed and do nothing.
I need to start watching a little tv. (Makes my 214 dollar bill worth it)
I need to get out more.
I need adventures.
I need more socialization.
I need to lose weight, I have lost 20 lbs already.
I need to love myself for who I am and
I need to realize the good in me and the potential I have. I came inches from my dream to have it taken away, that's the past. I need a new dream or my other dream of being a lawyer.

Please fill in things you think I need to do.

It is great that you have lost 20 pounds. If you are not watching much TV anyways--when does your cable contract (I assume that's what the 215 a mo is) expire--perhaps you only need internet. When we watch to much TV--I don't think it's that good for us anyways. Saving money is always a good thing....
I know you exercise. Spring is coming (it was in the 80s yesterday for us in Florida). Do you get sunshine? Sunshine and nature really helps my depression.
Boogiesmash--our looks just change when we get older. Of course, when we are seriously overweight, weight loss will make us look much better but we also need to accept some of the things we cannot change. It is helpful to me to do some socializing with people close to my age--I certainly will never again look like people who are in their 20s. Though I do what I can. I am also trying to lose weight and am going to get my hair dyed and cut today. Not fond of it being gray. I suppose I am also not fully accepting of my 53 year old self but to much vanity is not attractive. Once you get to know someone, it is the person inside and how positive and encouraging they are that matters. Though you are depressed, you seem positive and kind--that is very attractive!

[bizi]

good morning.
Are there any meet up groups in your area?
my nephew is trying to get into law school he has been studying very hard for the exam, he took it the first time and will take it again soon. He is a ferocious reader and good debater.
congratulations on your weight loss. I want to lose 20 pounds too. what is your dieting trick? Do you have any advice to share?
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Hi,

Whew, that's quite the list. And, guess what? It looks pretty darned familiar to most of us.

I think there is a lot to congratulate yourself for. First and foremost is that you have drawn up this list. Self evaluation can be pretty hard and good for you for being able to do so. I say Wow! for the losing of some weight. For many of us that is a very hard struggle.

Getting out amongst people - have you considered finding a support group. I would specifically try to find a self-moderated one. Therapeutic ones are usually run by a professional and in my experience that induces a gret deal of anxiety about judgement. On the other hand a self-moderated group tends to be easier to share, care, and support. The big advantage to support groups is that they can have a social component to them.

Television. Consider the purchase of an Android Box. I pay only for internet now - which has freed up money to eat better, and leave the house for entertainment. Adventure will come once it warms up in my location.

Acceptance of self - my self worth has drastically improved with the CBT I told you about.

[bioChE]

I'll put in a plug for the Roku. Best $ I have spent on a TV device. If you have Netflix or Amazon Prime, there's a pile of content available on those two services. You can also get free NFL highlights, PBS, and other services.

I'd also reiterate the consideration of talking to your doc. That's what they're there for, and when you can be completely honest with them it gives the best chance to try something that works.

[Unrigged64072835]

I have an Apple TV. It has access to various other services. I have the old one, so I can't play games on it.

You've got a lot going for you. Keeping up would be tough. But you've got this. Just go for it.