Bipolar and going off meds impulsively

Well last week I took myself off Abilify as I felt the hypomania and agitation had passed and was worried about weight gain (I had put on a bit on weight but it could be muscle as I have been working out). If I get agitated again I will take the Abilify. So, yeh, I do change my meds between pdoc appointments. Once I took myself off Lithium and I was ok for a few months then went mixed on and off for 6 months. I went back on the Lithium but it took forever to stabilise. I guess I am a bit naughty when it comes to med compliance as I hate being on meds and want to be on as little as possible. I worry about my organs and weight gain. Gosh even last night I skipped my Lithium because I had drank quite a bit of alcohol though I don't do that too often.

Seeing a new pdoc for the first time in 9 days so I will see what his opinion is and if we want to go ahead and work together. I intend to comply with treatment, to give it a go and see if I can find more stability than I have in the past. I don't really trust my current pdoc so that didn't help with compliance.

maybe this is why you only got 2 hours of sleep?
bizi

I'm not so sure this is a smart idea.

I don't believe I go off meds impulsively. I go off because of side effects that would make any person stop with warrant. I have a feeling, based off the treatment I have received that I'm listed as non compliant and I feel it's an erroneous allegation which doesn't take my personal experience into consideration. I stop with good reason and it's then assumed that I stop impulsively because that's what bad bipolar folks do ya know? It's bull pucky! I've also stopped meds because I just start forgetting for various reasons but it's not an impulsive "decision"

Oh I know it isn't. I was just curious if it's something that's common among people with bipolar. I've started them again today, hoping I don't get impulsive again.

Yea that's how I felt too when I told him I would go a day or two without because I would forget (only noticing when I would suddenly get dizzy and disoriented) and he wrote that I was non compliant in my file. I was upset. Not like I did it on purpose.

I'm very depressed at the moment, and am stopping the Abilify I was taking. I don't have to work the rest of the week because of road closures here in CA, so I feel it's a good week to 'experiment.' I'm just hoping it will make me feel better. I haven't had a hypomanic episode in over 2 years and I'm craving it like a meal when you haven't eaten in so long. Or maybe nothing will happen. I seem to be in remission. Anyway, I hope this experiment goes well. A friend told me I should call my pdoc, but I know what she'll say, so what's the point. We'll see how it goes. I just want to feel better. Or better than better.

What if you get depressed?

She already is.

Thanks, but I doubt it. Got 9 hours sleep last night so back to normal.

From past experience, do not go off of your meds without doc supervision. I've tried, some years ago, and each time they put me right back on. It seems once they put you on you can't get off without them telling you to.

I can't emphasize what PolkaDotStars is saying enough.

My Uncle did the exact same thing as the OP, went on a manic high, decided he was better off without meds, and then plunged into such a deep low of a depression that he wound up taking his own life.

I use this as a warning to anyone foolish enough to try and go off of meds without medical supervision. Please do as the doctors advise and take the meds. You can't get better without them.

My hope is that it will help me get out of this depression. I guess I'm hoping for hypomania, but a lite version where my horrendous anxiety can melt away, even temporarily, and get back some focus and gumption. I already got the Seroquel down to 25mg under doctor's supervision and that's been good. I only take half that on work nights (3 days a week) ok per pdoc. I haven't told her re Abilify bc I know what she'll say but I have a week without work now to 'experiment' and I want to see what will happen. If it goes south I'll go back on it.

In answer to your question, I guess it could make me more depressed, in theory. If so, I'll go back on it. I just want to see what it's like, feel what it's like and I have this feeling that it will lift me out of this depression. Could be very wrong, but want to give it a try.

If you are taking the pills, they work without deal breaking side effects and provide higher quality of life, then it's best to stick with them. If they cause a serious reaction, get off right away. If they decrease your quality of life but make your doctor happy, get off them. If your doctor doesn't take a look at the full picture or consider you a part of "the team" in finding wellness, I would run, not walk and find a new doctor. They are not in our bodies or our heads so our self assessments are just as important as their quick clinical one.

I'm not med compliant but I've had logical sound reasons behind my lack of compliance. If a drug works without major side effects, I take it consistently. If it doesn't work and causes unacceptable side effects I get rid of it. I've done it enough and have researched medications extensively so I know what requires a taper and how to do it. It's not too complicated but I have logged many hours researching and my husband is a mental health professional so my situation is a little unique.

The psych nurse got very pissy with me when I told her I'd stopped my medication due to horrible side effects. She blamed me and said I wouldn't be in crisis if I hadn't stopped. Funny since I was in crisis before I stopped. She just assumed something and considered it her right to treat me like garbage. Non compliance is a judgement. Ignorant people don't need all the information to make a judgement against you. They had no idea how scared I was because of the horrifying side effect I had. The paranoia I had about trusting them to prescribe something new when the last med nearly killed me and the one before that. They don't care. I'm considered paranoid and my non compliance as pathological. It's ignorance and not fair.

Don't feel bullied into taking something that doesn't work and can have very serious long term effects. My doctor tried to bully me into taking something recently and it's left a bad taste in my mouth so I plan to talk to him about it.

Deciding to take meds is a big responsibility. You are just as important as your doctor is in finding something that helps more than it hurts. Good luck! (((Hugs)))

I went off my seroquel for a while in September 2015... I was ok at the beginning but mania crept up on me pretty quickly. I ran out of valproate yesterday (only had enough for one dose yesterday) & won't be getting any until at least tomorrow... Might not get it I'll see how I feel... I SHOULD get it though

They even get skeptical or act funny when you mention that you have stopped using their meds. My docs told me I am a good patient. Each time I stopped the meds, I could tell that they were indeed disappointed I railed against them.

Yes, I felt fine with no lithium for about a month too. Then reality jumped in. It only got harder and harder to live. So I took it again. Suddenly, everything was 300% better. The psychiatrist explained this is common because lithium is a mood stabilizer. Most people are on it for life. I am also a Stevens Johnson Syndrome (SJS) survivor (this is very rare but much more commonly found in East Asians, and I am Chinese) through Tegretol. So I can relate to all this near-death stuff. My MD says I am very lucky.

I sleep 5-7 (or less hours) and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. I become impulsive with speech (which can lead to other people taking offense or giving me odd glances). My speech flows out faster and I tend to just buy whatever tickles my fancy (I don't NEED these books but they're great and I will read them- is the mindset).

I love cracking jokes - sometimes inappropriately to the setting (ie: sexual jokes at work...) I also get more flirty and want to have sex more with my partner.

My pupils dialate a lot more is something I've also noticed. And I have a "manic smile" like a devilish grin (something I've noticed personally.)

On the downside, I can be more quick to anger snd find myself irritated by people who seem to be moving too slow.

My thoughts race, and I often have several tangents going in my brain at once.

Then the crash... I can only hope for stable and not a downward spiral to the other pole (depression).

Don't do it please . You can commit involuntary suicide , I quit serquil randomly and ended up in the hospital