[PolkaDotStars]

So I was just wondering what peoples' experiences are with this? Like the title implies, I was wondering about both the childfree and parenting worlds while BP.

I turn 24 in April and I'm still undecided as to what I want to do about this. I know that there is a lot of discrimination regarding the former. However, I have two aunts and an uncle who never married or had children on my paternal side. No one ever said anything about that. So I like to think my view is a little different from most.

When I was younger, me and most of my friends and classmates thought we'd be CF forever. I didn't care if I got married or not (they didn't want to), but my father hated parenting. Then I met some women in their late forties who told me it's different when you get older. You start wishing you had kids. They went through many relationships which ended. Now they don't regret them. But they still wish they had children. And it looks like that's not gonna happen.

The rest of my fam has done their part. All my cousins have married and have kids except two who have married with no kids. I have an older sister four years my senior and she has no husband or kids either yet.

It makes me kind of anxious to think about the future. I did consult my LCSW a while back (summer of 2015). All she said was that I better be careful since my father does not want to raise any potential grandkids. Also, it is often difficult to get pregnant when taking bipolar medications.

I've since gone through two BFs. One did not want kids. The other seemed to but not at the time, thankfully.

Sorry for ranting. I really needed to get this out. Thoughts? Thanks in advance.

I'd say don't worry about it until you are in a lasting, committed relationship and preferably really serious about getting married.

I always knew I wanted several children. I come from a large, close-knit family, so family is really important to me. My husband and I have three sons and we've created our own close-knit family.

I don't think it is necessarily difficult to get pregnant on bipolar meds. What is difficult is being pregnant while bipolar because many meds can't be taken during pregnancy and pregnancy can be very destabilizing even under the best of circumstances.

I had my sons before I ever had my diagnosis. I don't think it would have changed my decision since I've always been pretty high functioning, able to work, able to manage except in the most severe points of episodes which fortunately weren't really an issue most of the time. There also isn't a huge history of mental illness in my family, so odds were somewhat better that my children would be less affected. I've been able to be a good, stable presence in their lives, and they are very healthy, responsible, stable men now.

Always remember: parenthood is for life. It isn't over when they're adults even. Parenthood is completely life-changing; your life is never, ever completely your own again. Some people aren't willing or able to accept that responsibility, and it is much better to know, admit, and plan life that way than to discover it later and have the children bear the brunt of that regret.

[PolkaDotStars]

Sorry. Yeah, that was more of what I meant. I heard that if you take medications it can cause more birth defects. The BP meds are notorious for doing so, apparently. I read an old article on CNN where many BP women stopped their meds so they could get pregnant. Unfortunately, it backfired. They became super manic even while pregnant anyway.

I know that in many committed relationships, they would want you to have at least one kid. I don't know if I could handle that.

Studies show that childless couples are happier in general but those with children have higher peaks of happiness. You win either way.

I've raised 2 boys and while it hasn't been easy, we were able to protect them from the brunt of my illness and provided a safe, loving environment with lots of happiness, love and gateways towards success. I couldn't have done it so well alone but fortunately I have a close family and my husband to take over when I've needed to be away. Having a support system is vital, whether you have bipolar or not.

My husband and I have always planned to have another child but I've been too sick and now I'm 42 so it's likely not going to happen. I would go med free, start taking prenatal with folic acids before trying and then stay in steady contact with all my doctors.

You could always "freeze some eggs" so you have more time to decide. A bipolar parent can be the best parent in the world. Know yourself and how bipolar plays for you to determine if you feel you're up to the job. I've known people with mental health issues who should not have had kids and ended up having 5. I've known people who felt they were going to be a failure as a parent who did a wonderful job.

There is no guarantee your child will be healthy no matter what. That is something to consider too. What if your child is sick or disabled? If a big question for sure. In my first marriage I couldn't wait for a baby and didn't think too much or I might have talked myself out of it. People always wait for the "right time" and the right now often never arrives. Only have a baby if you REALLY want one. Take some time to figure out what you REALLY WANT.

(((Hugs)))

[raspberrytorte]

I have a five year old daughter. I never wanted kids, but surprises happen. Parenting is really hard. You worry about your kids. I've really destabilized. It's not all bad. You just can't do all the things you want to do. It's just hard.

[Raindropvampire]

My mother is unmedicated bipolar and because of her and how she raised me I decided to never have children. Plus my baseline is soul crushing depression and I can barely take care of me let alone another person. My family has given me some flack for it because they wanted me to have kids but it was my choice not to.

[pirilin]

I had or the wives had three. Three too many. Unless you will stay married to the same person FOR LIFE, don't have 'em.
Having kids is not for everybody.

[Nammu]

I'm conflicted on how to answer. I wasn't diagnosed until my daughter was 3 and she was diagnosed BP at age 24 but I wouldn't change it. She has one son and a daughter on the way. She wouldn't change it either, she loves being a mum.

[PolkaDotStars]

Do they let her keep taking meds even while BP and pregnant?

For some time in MS, my plan was actually to adopt. Everyone I spoke to was all, nah, not an adopting type of person. So that was that. I had better get hitched fast though, or else I'd find myself a single parent. HA!

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm not sure I would have had kids if I'd known I was bipolar then. My husband was really the one who wanted kids, and he turned out to be a fantastic dad who made up for a lot of the stuff I was unable to handle. They have their problems, but luckily it's only one son who is almost certainly an undiagnosed bipolar (he is not ready to get help). Whatever issues we had while they were growing up, they are all very loving and forgiving and we are on excellent terms.

Am I glad I had children? YES!! I would have missed out on so much if I hadn't. I guess God knew what He was doing when it came to bipolar disorder and childbearing in my case.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by PolkaDotStars

Do they let her keep taking meds even while BP and pregnant?

For some time in MS, my plan was actually to adopt. Everyone I spoke to was all, nah, not an adopting type of person. So that was that. I had better get hitched fast though, or else I'd find myself a single parent. HA!

For her first she was off meds and got severe depression after but for this one she has stained on the Latuda.

Anyone with doubts about having kids should follow their intuition. "Regretting" it as an older person is bad advice. As a 75 year old, I do NOT regret being child free. I knew when I was a teenager that if I had an inherited disability I would NEVER have kids. I see the kids of people whose marriages were not good, and/or who had mental illness, and see troubled adults who are hostile to their parents. I didn't know I had bipolar until I was in my 50s, but I did know I was severely depressed, and needed privacy and a lot of sleep. I knew this was no way to raise -- or try to raise -- kids. I was raised by parents who hit me (they called it "spanking" a practice now illegal in many countries) , and I knew no other way to train kids. I had no intention of follow my parents' "discipline" methods, but had no other role models. With a mental illness, it can be very bad for kids. This is not a popular stance for a lot of people with mental illness, who claim they have a "right" to have kids. One of my local bipolar friends had kids because her mother wanted her to. Now the kids are in their 40s and the mother loves them, but wishes she had never had kids. My friend, the mother, was in and out of the hospital all through their childhood. This harmed her kids. They felt abandoned. Both the kids are bipolar. One is an addict -- alcohol and drugs -- and burglary -- and in and out of jail. He's handsome, charming, and has short relationships with women every few months. The other had a very good, years long, high paying job as accountant, but finally decided she could absolutely not handle it, and went to a job for a research company she had picketed in the past for animal cruelty. For months at a time, her son or daughter will not speak to their mother, which crushes my friend. There's a lot of resentment about their childhood. What about my own upbringing and family? On my dad's side: I didn't find out till I was in my 60s that my grandmother was hospitalized for "nervous exhaustion" (depression), and took meds (called Miltown, a controversial drug popular that the time). My dad, aunt, and uncle had depression. My uncle said to my dad when the uncle was dying, "I've never had a happy day in my life." My first cousin was hospitalized as a teenager. She was taken away physically from school My dad was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. All three of us kids are messed up in some way. My brother has major depression, and has had since he was at least 10 years old. I have bipolar, since I was 3 or 4. My sister has no dx, but is struggling with emotional pain, disordered kids (whose father had mental disorder). Not a good idea to impose one's own pain on having kids, whether born to you or adopted.

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I'm not sure I would have had kids if I'd known I was bipolar then. My husband was really the one who wanted kids, and he turned out to be a fantastic dad who made up for a lot of the stuff I was unable to handle. They have their problems, but luckily it's only one son who is almost certainly an undiagnosed bipolar (he is not ready to get help). Whatever issues we had while they were growing up, they are all very loving and forgiving and we are on excellent terms.

Am I glad I had children? YES!! I would have missed out on so much if I hadn't. I guess God knew what He was doing when it came to bipolar disorder and childbearing in my case.

Stepdaughter hits 40 and prince charming didn't show up. She decided artificial insemination, and has a most beatiful baby girl. Now she makes enough money for being a mom and a dad at the same time And then some.

[pirilin]

Where the hell I found that thread???^^^. I may be going crazy.

[Unrigged64072835]

i had my daughter while I was still misdiagnosed with depression. It was rough, but we made it and still love each other. It can be done, but you need self-care to manage it.

[bioChE]

I have four kids, and by all accounts they're normal, well-adjusted individuals. As others have said, parenting is a trip and a lifetime commitment. It's a one-way street, and you can never go back. Think long and hard about it.

It can be done. You're young and have plenty of time to decide. I do second the suggestion to be in a lifelong marriage to one person if you decide to procreate.

[PolkaDotStars]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. It's a surprisingly heavy topic. I have heard the same, that it's irreversible. Thankfully, I still have time to think about it.

[~Christina]

I wasn't diagnosed until age 43, my daughter was 19 years old and diagnosed 3 months later.

I really can't answer the would I / should I have had a child as I can not imagine not having her.

I felt very guilty about passing this on to my child, there was no family history on either side for me or for my daughter. I thought everyone had a nonstop thought process or days when I could not leave my bed , I didn't have the internet at my fingertips like nowadays. My daughter finally got me to stop the guilt , she loves her life.

My Daughter is a musician, writer and artist. She is in college to become a T. She has minimal issues with Bipolar she is very self aware and is proactive. But as we all know Bipolar cycles.

No marriage is guaranteed to last forever , mine wasn't.

Having a child is a personal choice whether a mental or physical illness is part of a persons life

I'm from a dysfunctional family and i decided at a young age not to have kids. I'm 50 now and i don't regret it. I don't think my genes are good enough to pass onto another person. I'm glad that the suffering stops with me.