[raspberrytorte]

When did you tell your kids about your bipolar?

I just spent nine days inpatient.

My daughter told her teachers at school that I was in the hospital because I smoke (cigarettes) too much, which obviously was not the case. She's five.

I was thinking about having the talk with her tomorrow and explaining things in a kid friendly way. She's very mature for her age, but obviously doesn't understand what's wrong with me.

[bizi]

This is very difficult to figure out how to best approach this.
I would suggest that you were sad. very sad. and that you needed help figuring out how to be the best mom possible. How to best take care of her.
Just my two cents.
good luck
bizi

[BeyondtheRainbow]

With my niece I've used the Disney movie Inside Out to help explain at her level. I'm not a parent but this did work for her at the age of 5-6. I'm sure we'll be watching it again sometime and having more difficult discussions.

I'm sorry you've been in the hospital. Are you ok?

[Daonnachd]

I didn't tell my boys until they reached high school. ...and then my older son decided he was going to do a research paper on bipolar. He used me as one of the sources he cited.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

With my niece I've used the Disney movie Inside Out to help explain at her level. I'm not a parent but this did work for her at the age of 5-6. I'm sure we'll be watching it again sometime and having more difficult discussions.

I'm sorry you've been in the hospital. Are you ok?

Thanks, rainbow.

When I had that nasty episode over the summer I told her my brain hurt and we massaged each other's heads and I showed her a picture of a brain, so I was thinking about going that route, but explaining it further.

I really liked Inside Out. I think it made me cry.

I'm fine now. He put me on a low dose of zoloft for my anxiety and prescribed remeron for sleep. Both are working well. I feel much better.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm glad. Are you ok with the additional meds?

Remeron was pretty amazing for me before I was diagnosed. It seemed to act as a mood stabilizer for long enough to get through grad school and never had me flying like most ADs did. I know it's not supposed to be a mood stabilizer but it was for me, especially at higher doses. I was on and off it during that time so it was pretty clear that it was doing a lot when I was off it.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I'm glad. Are you ok with the additional meds?

Remeron was pretty amazing for me before I was diagnosed. It seemed to act as a mood stabilizer for long enough to get through grad school and never had me flying like most ADs did. I know it's not supposed to be a mood stabilizer but it was for me, especially at higher doses. I was on and off it during that time so it was pretty clear that it was doing a lot when I was off it.

Yeah. I really like the remeron. It really helps me sleep, and I don't wake up with a med hangover. I went off trileptal, so I pretty much replaced that with Zoloft. I don't like being on so many meds, but my anxiety was intolerable. I couldn't handle it anymore! I was seeing people around me and kept seeing shadow figures out the corner of my eye. I felt weird, like I was going to go psychotic again. I never want to experience that again. I felt like I was going crazy!

So I'm okay with additional meds!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I am so happy that you're finding meds you like. I know it's been a huge struggle. Anxiety sucks. I just increased my gabapentin which helps but I still feel anxious a lot and I can't go up on the gabapentin because at the higher dose I sometimes don't fall asleep but spend the night feeling drunk. Hopefully it will all pass soon.

[Victoria'smom]

My son accepted when he was younger that we had head boo-boo that we had to take meds for.

Then he wanted to know the real name.

Then he wanted to know what it meant. So I drew a chart. Take a sheet landscape / horizontal fold it in half 2x then open it up. On the top crease draw a line and write happy. On the bottom crease draw a line and write sad. Tell her most people go from happy to sad and draw a wave from one side to the other within the lines. Then take a different marker/ colored pencil/ pen and tell her that you get super happy and sad. Draw a wave line that goes above and below the two lines. Then if you want to/ if she's still interested tell her you take meds to be more like the first line but sometimes drs have to fix them so you have to go to the hospital.

Now I sit down with my son and tell him. "I have to go to the hospital. My meds are messed up and that's the fastest way to fix them."

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

My son accepted when he was younger that we had head boo-boo that we had to take meds for.

Then he wanted to know the real name.

Then he wanted to know what it meant. So I drew a chart. Take a sheet landscape / horizontal fold it in half 2x then open it up. On the top crease draw a line and write happy. On the bottom crease draw a line and write sad. Tell her most people go from happy to sad and draw a wave from one side to the other within the lines. Then take a different marker/ colored pencil/ pen and tell her that you get super happy and sad. Draw a wave line that goes above and below the two lines. Then if you want to/ if she's still interested tell her you take meds to be more like the first line but sometimes drs have to fix them so you have to go to the hospital.

Now I sit down with my son and tell him. "I have to go to the hospital. My meds are messed up and that's the fastest way to fix them."

Thank you. This is very helpful!

[Nova567]

I wish my father told me he was bipolar. I found out years after emotional abuse from him. He never got help and it's sad. I think he's in some kind of program now and I hope he's better.
One day I just asked my mom what was wrong with him, I must have been about 10-12. I hadn't seen him for a few years at the time. I figured his erratic behavior was not normal, seeing that other people around me didn't behave the way he did. She just told me that he was mentally ill and was bipolar. I didn't really understand at the time, but unfortunately now I understand better than ever.

I really think the soonest is the best. In hindsight my mother was mentally ill. She was scary to me as a result because I didn't understand what was going on when she had her 'events'. Likewise, if only I had known I was mentally ill when my own children were growing up I could have been a better parent to them too.

I didn't know I had bp completely until I went through the psychosis. So my son was 16. But I did know I struggled with depression and had that talk when he was about 7. Just told him I struggle with depression and gave him the definition of depression. Told him I take medication for it. That it's ok. We will be ok.

I didn't start needing to go to the hospital until 2011. He was 16.

[raspberrytorte]

Thanks for the responses everyone!

[scatterbrained04]

I think I started to talk to my son about it when he was 6. He has ADHD though and potentially a mood disorder, so I think it helps make him feel less "weird" that mom took meds too. We got our diagnosis the same month. I have always wanted him to understand that just like how he acts in ways he cannot control, so do I. Don't want him to think it's his fault if I suddenly become irritable or withdrawn.

[raspberrytorte]

Well, I chickened out telling her today. I have trouble telling family, and it was reminding me too much of when my mom and dad visited me at the hospital for a family meeting. I couldn't even tell them I have bipolar. I couldn't say it. I'm going to have my husband talk to her about it. And he ordered a kid's book online about bipolar to read to her.

I'm scared she's going to announce "my momma has bipolar" to her entire class!

[bioChE]

If I were you, I wouldn't lay the responsibility of the BP knowledge on a five year old. She can know you were sick and in the hospital without knowing the specifics. My youngest is five, and there's no way she could possibly understand enough about not only the disease but about the stigma and any of the other related issues. If you don't want her to tell her entire class, then don't tell her yet. Because she will. Or she'll tell only her best friend. And next week when her best friend dumps her for another best friend, there it goes.

My kids know I have a condition and take medication so I don't have to go back into the hospital. Someday they'll have a name for the condition and some of the ramifications of that. They'll never know everything I've dealt with and done because of the disorder, but they'll certainly know how it affects the trajectory of their lives. They'll know what signs and symptoms they can be on the lookout for in their lives, even after they're gone from under the care of me and my wife. They'll also know more about the stigma of mental illness, and that they need to approach the subject with an open mind.

But not today. They're not ready to handle that information yet, and they're still developing their skill and ability to use discretion when talking about certain subjects.

If I handed the "Dad's BP" weapon to my five-year-old, it would be both a guaranteed megaphone to the world about my condition, and something that could cause her great harm when kids wanted to pick on her and her family. It's a guaranteed way that others (peers, teachers, and anyone else) could ostracize her and/or treat her differently because of something that is uncontrollable in me. There is exactly the same stigma today about MI that there was about cancer 50 years ago. That cancer stigma has by and large been broken, but it has taken an entire world shift to make that happen.

All that being said, we do teach our kids about mental illness and a lot of what it means. We've taught them to respect others regardless of handicap, disability, diagnosis, looks, lifestyle, gender, political leanings, and pretty much everything else. They're well aware of the world around them and are incredibly caring people.

Good luck with whatever you decide regarding when to disclose to your daughter. If you do it now, let us know how it goes.

[~Christina]

I'm glad your feeling better, helpful IP is amazing.

Personally I don't think telling a 5 year old is wise.

" Mommy doesn't always feel good " would in my mind at age 5 enough.

Glad your feeling better

[Trippin2.0]

My daughter was 6 when I told her, luckily she grasped the idea of privacy and probably didn't feel the need to broadcast what she had learned.

[BipolaRNurse]

In some ways I wish I'd known about my BP when my kids were little, because I could have explained to them why my moods were all over the map. I know they were confused and they were always walking on eggshells around me because they didn't have a clue as to which mother they were dealing with at a given time---the one who threw screaming fits on the front lawn, the one who laughed and played with them, or the one whose depression was such that it put me beyond the reach of their love.

As it turned out, I wasn't diagnosed till they were all grown and gone, and telling them was no big deal. They'd known something was wrong with me all along, and it was good for them to have a name for it.