[dshantel]

It's been a while since I've posted anything here. I just don't have anyone to talk to. I can feel myself getting down again. I don't have insurance for medical right now and I've moved to a new state recently so I don't know anyone here at all. This whole being aware of everything or mindfulness stuff sucks because I feel like I may be becoming mixed, which I seem to go into more often than just one side, but I don't know what's real and what's not. I can't tell what I really feel from what the bipolar wants me to feel and I have the tendency to be paranoid delusional at times. For instance lately I've been feeling like an inconvenience to everyone or that no one cares. My husband thinks overreacting but I truly feel that I have no real friends. I have a few friends that come see me but only when they need their hair done, I'm a stylist. Other than that they don't come. I've just been feeling so alone since moving and my husbands new job and me not working. The only adult I conversate with is my husband when he's home other than that it's 4 kids under 7. All I think about all day are possible small businesses or things I could make just to do something. Starting to do that thing again we I online shop and fill my cart up with a bunch of stuff but don't buy it. I know that's bad because it eventually leads to buying. I just can't tell which stuff is real and what's just delusional thinking. Sometimes I feel like I was better off not knowing I was bipolar, at least I didn't have to think about whether or not my feelings are reality.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you go to a clinic run by your county? Go to the library for story hour?

[dshantel]

I honestly don't know that much about what's her where I live now. Also there is no way I'm going to try to take these kids to a library by myself. I have a 2 month old, 2 year old, 5 year old and 6 year old. The oldest is in school for most the day.

[Wander]

That sounds like a really tough situation to be in. I am not from the US so I don't know where you can get support without insurance. Being a Mum of four young children must be all-consuming. Do you geTt any time to yourself to recharge? Mixed states are awful. Do you think you are in urgent need of medical support right now? Are you safe? Keep posting here, everyone is really supportive. That may help a little. Glad you dropped back in.

[Musician1980]

Originally Posted by dshantel

Sometimes I feel like I was better off not knowing I was bipolar, at least I didn't have to think about whether or not my feelings are reality.

This. Echoed for truth. When a good day was a good day, not a harbinger of doom. When positive thoughts about one's self were pleasant, not tinged with the specter of "uh oh this might be grandiosity."

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Wander

That sounds like a really tough situation to be in. I am not from the US so I don't know where you can get support without insurance. Being a Mum of four young children must be all-consuming. Do you geTt any time to yourself to recharge? Mixed states are awful. Do you think you are in urgent need of medical support right now? Are you safe? Keep posting here, everyone is really supportive. That may help a little. Glad you dropped back in.

No I'm not in immediate need of medical assistance. Since moving here I've become a stay home mom so no I don't really get time to myself. My husband works most days 6 to 6 some days he goes back in at 8 to close out a shift.
I would try to go back to work but child care is way too expensive.