Do you remember what it was like to be "normal" -- i.e., before your bipolar started up?

I think my BP started around age 12, or at least that's when my first sui attempt was. Before that, I remember having LOTS of friends. We got along well, we understood each other, we hung out a lot...I also actively engaged in sports... played softball, basketball, soccer

At age 12, I became severely depressed. My behavior and mood were all out of whack. I was doing (presumably) crazy things, and I ended up losing all my friends. And at the time, I had NO idea what I did wrong or what was wrong with me. When I lost my friends, I was already so depressed that I couldn't even give a s***

What about you?

[Victoria'smom]

I've always been different at 8 I had an edge. So I had problems all my life .

[seoultous]

I remember being manic in 4th grade. I was put in a special group with kids with behavioral issues. We met over lunch. I am pretty old and I don't think they knew how to handle kids with mental illness back then. Those with severe impairment were locked up in institutions. I was violent in 5th and 6th grade - nothing horrible but I did punch out a couple of boys who teased me relentlessly. A girl beating up a boy was not good form so I spent some time in the principal's office.

I think I was depressed after that, and being in junior high did not help! I became manic again in college but stabilized in my early 20s through my early 30s. Those were great years. I had friends and goals and no problems. Then everything fell apart. I was diagnosed bpII in my mid 30s but I know now that I have been bp all my life.

I remember fondly that window where I felt normal and appreciate the few months I get here and there where I am asymptomatic. I am there now and it feels great. Only difference is, I know that it likely won't last so I enjoy it while I can.

[Unrigged64072835]

I've been different since age 5. Being exposed to school and different environments did that for me.

[Shamrockkid88]

I can remember it kicking off for me in high school I honestly having questions with my psydoc and soul searching I came to the realization that's when it started but I looked back at it at just hormones and being a typical teenager. But I'm happy this monster has a face and a name now so I can deal with it correctly after all these years

[Sad Mermaid]

Yes, I do, because I had a late onset.

[bizi]

I was in 1994, I was 31 when I had my first manic breakdown after a deprovera birth control shot.
sigh
bizi
I am 54 now.

[xRavenx]

I've always had some anxiety. My mom described me as an "anxious baby." I did go through phases where I took a lot of risks and was hyperactive though as a child. I was very imaginative.

I've always been a little different, but the difference became significant around age 9 or 10 (Grade 4). I became more withdrawn and did not socialize as easily that particular year. I also had what seemed to experience what might have been my first depressive episode at that time.

My first true manic episode was at age fifteen. It was a very scary experience where I had no clue what was going on with me. I thought I was completely insane, fell into mixed mania after feeling euphoric, then crashed into a deep depression where I thought I'd never get any better.

[Wander]

No. I have been unwell since I was around 8 years old. First it was PTSD stuff due to childhood abuse then in my teens severe depression kicked in and the Bipolar hypomania/mania seemed to kick in late teens but especially when I was 22. I do have a few good memories of being happy as a child when I was really young but the rest is shadowed by darkness.

[BipolaRNurse]

I don't think I've ever been totally right in the head, even though I wasn't officially diagnosed until my early 50s. I had night terrors from the time I was five or six years old, had my first major depression at age 10 and my second at 13. I think I had a few minor manic episodes thrown in there, but it got really bad in middle age and I finally got sent to a psychiatrist because my primary care doctor said I had something too serious for him to handle. I've been diagnosed for five years on the 7th of this month.

[usehername]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I've always been different at 8 I had an edge. So I had problems all my life .

Me too. I always fell under the category of "not normal" for some reason or another. First suicide attempt was age 8 (my mom didn't know that until eight before she passed over 20 years later), and before that I was subjected to a battery of tests other kids didn't have to do at school. They said I was "gifted" in some ways, but clearly I struggled in others (like focus, behavior and attention), or they wouldn't have been testing me in the first place. I ended up spending all of grade school as a freakin TA, mostly for ESL classes. It had its perks, but got boring fast. I spent half of 7th & 8th grade heading upper level English papers before getting expelled for things they could never actually prove I did.

[usehername]

Also, this thread has somehow given me some hope for my kid, who has also never been "normal". When she was in 3rd grade, I had to go to Becca court and explain that her tardies consisted of this scenario: I spend two plus hours trying to wake her. I am unsuccessful. Then, I get her clean & dressed, including brushing her teeth and hair, get her meds in her (she took baths at night), put her shoes on, carry her out the door, down the stairs and into the car, then out of the car and into the school cafeteria, set her up with breakfast, notify the office that she was there, and then leave because there was nothing else I could do. She was still asleep, and would be late to class as a result. Who woke her? I have no idea. My guess is probably nobody. She continued like this until very recently when she was put on depakote. Now I can finally wake her up (under 5 minutes, even). But sure... it's all my fault, because I'm just a terrible mom (sarcasm). Even the judge then understood.

[Cdnstargazer]

Looking back, I've had signo of possible bipolar when I was a child. I've been a moody kid. And I used to work really hard at school, then get "sick" and stay at home almost a week where I would feel run down and burned out. I had periods of frantic energy and lethargy.

As I grew into a teen, I experienced my first big depression. Then came the hypersexuality, substance exploration, blowing large amounts of money, impulsive behaviour etc end of highschool/university.

So I guess it's always been there... it just was just more manageable when I was younger because I worked so hard to hide it / and I suppose I looked like any young college kid.

My childhood passed in a joyous blur of giggles. I was indifferent to food, ate very little. My little sister, two years younger than me, was my constant companion and playmate. I didn't think of myself as "I" until i was older. I was so attached to my sister i always spoke of "we." I got a really good start in life. You do so much learning when you're young, a massive amount, especially language.

Things started unravelling when i was eight and my family had become completely dysfunctional by the time i was 14 when my oldest and favorite brother committed suicide. I got anorexia and depression. When i was 18 i had my first hypomanic episode which i mistook for falling in love.

I love to think of my wondrous childhood and how natural i felt and how carefree and untroubled i was. I have an excellent memory and i can remember my mom bringing my newborn sister back from the hospital. That's my first memory and i'll treasure it always!

[Wild Coyote]

A lot of trauma. Childhood PTSD.
I was suicidal as a child.
I hid it all, was very popular -- always class president and an outstanding athlete.

Trauma continued into teens years. Eventually, I could no longer hide the PTSD and depression/anxiety.

Some hypomania, depression and severe PTSD/dissociation in my 20's.

Increasingly worse, along with chronic pain/autoimmune illness, in my 40's and 50's.


WC

[Nova567]

I was always very anxious as a kid, and depression hit me at a young age, when my older brother and sister got sent to group homes and my father lost visitation rights. It's weird - I don't have many memories of that time period but I have loads of memories before and after. This was 4th and 5th grade for me.

I've known since my earliest memories that I wasn't like others. I can remember the first day of school and recognising I was different than every other child there.

[Ripose]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I've known since my earliest memories that I wasn't like others. I can remember the first day of school and recognizing I was different than every other child there.

Throw in PTSD and this describes me to a tee.

[sensen]

for me think first hypomanic episode was around age 15/16... then depressions...mania...more depression...hypomania...ptsd diagnosis and finally very heavy and evident bipolar by age 31

[Sad Mermaid]

Originally Posted by apfei

My childhood passed in a joyous blur of giggles. I was indifferent to food, ate very little. My little sister, two years younger than me, was my constant companion and playmate. I didn't think of myself as "I" until i was older. I was so attached to my sister i always spoke of "we." I got a really good start in life. You do so much learning when you're young, a massive amount, especially language.

Things started unravelling when i was eight and my family had become completely dysfunctional by the time i was 14 when my oldest and favorite brother committed suicide. I got anorexia and depression. When i was 18 i had my first hypomanic episode which i mistook for falling in love.

I love to think of my wondrous childhood and how natural i felt and how carefree and untroubled i was. I have an excellent memory and i can remember my mom bringing my newborn sister back from the hospital. That's my first memory and i'll treasure it always!

What a lovely story!

[rwwff]

I've never known normal, and to be blunt enough about it, no one in my family has ever considered me even vaguely normal. Tested "gifted" very early, and I guess they just figured since I'd always perform well enough to support myself one way or another, that it was best to just leave my eccentricities alone. Great plan /s, though from an outside observers point of view, you'd have to acknowledge that it looks like it worked.

Still, I'll sometimes dwell on a "what if", where I would wonder what would have been, had I talked to a psychiatrist in my teens or early twenties.

an unhappy life where I felt unloved and uncared for

a short life too

but I remember actually thinking my life was going to be really good. like the best life their was

of course, who am I kidding

I do remember a short time where suicide/ death never even crossed my mind