[Naynay99]

If everybody stopped asking "how are you?" instead of just saying hello when they greeted me, then I could stop lying.

Sorry. I am Not having a very good day, week, decade.
I know it's not true but I am starting to feel like this depressed version of me is the only version that exists. Have I never not felt like this? How did it suck me in so quickly and unnoticeably?
And Why does my the memory of better days seem like I made it up? Like a dream that starts to fade as soon as I wake up and try to remember it.
I suppose even my memory doesn't want to be around me when I get like this. Ugh.

This seemed apropos.

IMG_1399.JPG

It's okay. I know all will look less ****** tomorrow or next week or whatever. I'm just tired of waiting forever for my turn.
Have a good week all.l be safe in the snow storm.
I will be fxckng fantastic, shoveling 12 inches of snow with my crappy plastic shovel and hoping to freeze to death.

Sorry this got too dark. Ignore me, just having a $&@# day.

(((NayNay))). I'm sorry you are so down. I've been very physically ill and I go to bed nightly thinking I will miraculously feel better tomorrow, but tomorrow seems to never come. History indicates that I do have good days, weeks, months and even years but it's been so long, it seems it was all a fluke or dream. Try to hold onto a sliver of hope as things do tend to get better in time. Hang in there, you are strong and can fight this.

[raspberrytorte]

I have that problem when I'm depressed too, like I've never felt good. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs

[Naynay99]

Hey. Thanks for the hugs. I probably should've saved the Im not okay for a worse time than this. I think Im just sick and tired of trying to convince the world I am fine.

I guess the Depression just sort of snuck up on me. I mean i had been living in a blah state of low grade winter misery for a while. And i was making it thru. I was getting by.
But then I had that small burst of feeling great in January. And now going back to this shat. I probably would have been better off without the temporary mood lift, I would have not remembered what I was missing.
When I stopped caring about anything a few weeks ago and was questioning if that was normal or depression, I guess it was depression. I hate this.
And since I didn't really eat anything today but took my meds, my stomach now feels like it is digesting itself from the inside....bleh. I suppose I should make some meal.

Thank you for making me feel a little bit less alone.
-naynay

Sometimes I just wish people could read your mind and see that your really not okay.

[xRavenx]

I can relate completely and hope you will find relief soon. Please keep posting, if it helps.

[Naynay99]

well. i ate something so feel less physically sick at least which is a plus.
and i am figuring i will probably only have to work tomorrow and then get a snow day, so if that is the case i can handle 1 day of work, right?

it sucks though- i actually shared with a coworker friend last week how i was having a rough day. and he was kind and understanding and all. but of course the next day he was like- so, feeling better?
its only ok to feel like this when there is a clear end date in sight.
having a bad day the world can empathize with. having a bad week, month, year. not so much...

so to put a positive spin on my threads title:
I'm not okay.
But i WILL BE...

have a good night.