Starting over.

Been feeling anxious all day and never got a call back from my pdoc. I think how the evening progressed I got slightly depressed.
I looked back and wonder where did I go wrong, where did I mess up, why did I go through it. I wish I could have those five years back. It was years of deep depression, spending weeks in my bed, feeling sorry for myself, being lonely, and not not wanting to exist, eating like crap, not maintaining myself, losing friends, feeling numb day to day.

But what if I could start all over again. Maybe a different city or state. What if I could lose this weight and get my old body back. What if I can get another degree and a job I would enjoy. I wouldn't want to lose my close friends though. But what if I can get another chance, be something I'm proud of. Maybe be happy. It's been a long time since that.

I seem to recall reading somewhere...in every American life, there's a second act.

Something like that, anyway.

I was surfing the internet and Facebook and saw this logans perspective, made me think of starting anew.

I like the idea of starting over, but I also feel that if you don't address the issues that got you where you are, they will just follow you to wherever you go. If by starting over you also mean really working on yourself mentally as well as physically, then I'm all for it. But I don't think moving to a new place necessarily makes it easier to "start over" as you still have to live with yourself. But it's definitely never too late to start taking a new perspective on life and trying to work on yourself for the better. That can include things like going back to school or switching careers for sure.

Wild nailed it

If I could start over, I would push myself and not quit easily. I'd find a way to smile at the end of everyday. I'd feel. I would feel and not cry, self pity myself or be down. I'd make an effort to have a core. To be the best that I can be and never take the easy way out.

Just took my last klonopin as I felt a panic attack was imminent and started having breathing problems. I don't know what I'm saying or to get at.

I just wished I never got to the point that I'd want to start a new.

That song is definetly a trigger.

How are you today Boogie?

Better. Klonopin knocked me out or maybe it was just bed time. Don't feel anxious today and I'm off work. Chili making time.