[caringmum]

I am struggling with the idea of giving Abilify to my 15 year old daughter and my 19 year old son. At what point does it become necessary to take meds? My 17 year old is taking Latuda but that scares me too, is it wrong to give them meds or is it wrong to keep them med free?

I'm 25 and not a parent, but...

When I was younger, I really WISH my parents had given me medication. I had severe emotional dysregulation starting around 13/14. I repeatedly tried to beat up people and I physically destroyed things (anything... books, computers, phone, remotes, controllers, etc. etc.).

In fact, I was 14 when I shoved my dad against the wall, hit him in the face, then grabbed a book off the kitchen table and used it to smack him upside the head. Then I marched outside because I was pissed, he followed me to the doorstep, and then he cursed at me when I was about 10-15 feet from the door. That's when I took my Motorola Razor and whipped it at his head, but he had slammed the door shut before it could hit him, which resulted in my phone shattering the glass window thingy on the door. Then I ran up to the door and tried to kick it down whilst pounding my fists on it. And when I was finally let in, I smacked my dad upside the head with the book again and threw shoes at his head.

I had quite severe symptoms and I really did need to be medicated, but my parents are anti mental illness, so there was no way it was going to happen. So I actually destroyed my life for a while until I became medicated.

My symptoms got worse as I aged, too, if you can imagine.

So I guess you have to see how bad their symptoms are, but mine were off the charts and I almost killed myself.

What do they want? They are old enough to have input about this. Are their symptoms manageable? Are they able to make these kinds of decisions on their own to some extent? If so, why not let them speak to their doctors, discuss the pros and cons, and make that decision for themselves? It's different if their symptoms are severe, causing them to act out, creating problems in school, putting them or others in danger. At that point they probably need to have some of this decided for them, but as much as possible, give them a voice in this decision.

[Nammu]

Whatever you decide make sure to offer coping skill therapy. Learning to manage emotions is a lifetime skill.

[caringmum]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

What do they want? They are old enough to have input about this. Are their symptoms manageable? Are they able to make these kinds of decisions on their own to some extent? If so, why not let them speak to their doctors, discuss the pros and cons, and make that decision for themselves? It's different if their symptoms are severe, causing them to act out, creating problems in school, putting them or others in danger. At that point they probably need to have some of this decided for them, but as much as possible, give them a voice in this decision.

I do let them decide but I can exert a little influence either way. Older one dropped out of college and is back home, he is ok at home in his safe place. 17 year old is very bright but failing school, has v bad depression and is taking Latuda. Younger one has extreme irritability and annoys friends but is doing well at school. But her panic attacks are debilitating, has ended up in ER before, and says "Mommy, when will this end". I don't want her on antispychotics unless necessary. She does take ativan when needed which works very well. She has said she sometimes, but not often, thinks of ways to die but she is not suicidal. I think she is better not taking them yet.

[Flutterby11]

have you tried or should i say have they tried therapy? maybe if you are worried about meds you could try therapy first and see if it helps.

[*Laurie*]

If medication had been available when I was a teen my adult life probably would have been much easier. When my daughter developed an anxiety disorder when she was a teen I didn't hesitate to give her medication and get her into therapy. Neither she nor I regret the decision.

First I would determine if there is anything going on in their life which could be contributing to their issues. It's not fair to medicate a person for having legitimate life issues which should be sorted first. If you determine these symptoms are not circumstantial, medication can be discussed with them and their doctors. If they have the kind of problems Blue is describing, getting meds right away would be my suggestion but I realize most cases are a bit more complicated. At age 15, the doctors told my mom I should be hospitalized and medicated. She declined. For a few years, I felt she made the wrong choice and I would have been better off if she had. After my experiences with mental health doctors, I now know she made the right choice. She cried to me recently and said "maybe I should have let them and you'd be better now". I cried back and explained to her that I would surely be worse and thanked her profusely for supporting me in other ways. I had been bullied, attacked and criminally assaulted at school and they wanted to medicate me instead of taking the time to give proper therapy. My son has Bipolar but refuses medications. He's committed to therapy and learning coping skills and says he will consider medication if things don't improve or get worse. My son has an alcohol problem that contributes to him moods and so we need to see how he improves while staying away from it. He's had bipolar type issues since they put him on high dose steroids at age 9. Caused him to get violent and suicidal but improved once he was taken off, only to come back each time he needed them and finally, at age 15, he had a psychotic break from reality and was hospitalized. I'm in the same boat as you but with less kids to manage. It must be so hard having 3 children who have mental health issues. Good luck and I'm so sorry for all you are going through.

[BipolarMama31]

To give another view, I am 25 AND a mom...

I have had symptoms and self harm during my teen years. I would agree with a previous post, my life would have been SO much easier if I had the meds.

But when I consider the situation you are in, I also would be hesitant to put any of these brain altering drugs in to their bodies.

My children are much younger than yours, but I already do mindfulness and coping skills I learn in my DBT group, as does their schools I put them in. So they are working on this as toddlers as opposed to teenagers. I would suggest therapy and coping skills before medicine in your case. If thats already been exhausted I would then recommend letting them each speak with their doctors for pros and cons list alone. Then come to you with their choice as to why yes or no, and you can take it from there with your opinions as there mom as to what you believe is best.

But, with mental illness, sometimes the person choosing isn't in the best mind to do so, so we need a family member to help.

You know them the best, you understand their moods and life to life, if meds help from debilitating symptoms then it has to be considered.

Best of luck!

[Jenna120]

My parents ignored my symptoms. I didn't get a diagnosis and medication until I was 21, yet the doctor believed that my symptoms emerged around or just prior to age 10.

I needed years of therapy because having an ill brain that wasn't being treated affected my ability to think and I had to relearn how to think. Of course therapy can only do so much, I will have badly altered thinking and emotional control for the rest of my life.

If I could ever have a do-over for my life, it would be to get aggressive mental health care when the symptoms started emerging. Those mind altering drugs as people refer them can alter the growing brain in such a way that it helps the synapses fix themselves, leading to less severe problems in adulthood. If you've got something, anything, that is making things right, the neurons are going to go right along that pathway, making it more stable. If your mind is having problems, those neurons are going to reinforce the problems by going right along with the bad areas.

[shortandcute]

[caringmum]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

First I would determine if there is anything going on in their life which could be contributing to their issues. It's not fair to medicate a person for having legitimate life issues which should be sorted first. If you determine these symptoms are not circumstantial, medication can be discussed with them and their doctors. If they have the kind of problems Blue is describing, getting meds right away would be my suggestion but I realize most cases are a bit more complicated. At age 15, the doctors told my mom I should be hospitalized and medicated. She declined. For a few years, I felt she made the wrong choice and I would have been better off if she had. After my experiences with mental health doctors, I now know she made the right choice. She cried to me recently and said "maybe I should have let them and you'd be better now". I cried back and explained to her that I would surely be worse and thanked her profusely for supporting me in other ways. I had been bullied, attacked and criminally assaulted at school and they wanted to medicate me instead of taking the time to give proper therapy. My son has Bipolar but refuses medications. He's committed to therapy and learning coping skills and says he will consider medication if things don't improve or get worse. My son has an alcohol problem that contributes to him moods and so we need to see how he improves while staying away from it. He's had bipolar type issues since they put him on high dose steroids at age 9. Caused him to get violent and suicidal but improved once he was taken off, only to come back each time he needed them and finally, at age 15, he had a psychotic break from reality and was hospitalized. I'm in the same boat as you but with less kids to manage. It must be so hard having 3 children who have mental health issues. Good luck and I'm so sorry for all you are going through.

Thank you for your concern. These are not new issues and the first two were tipped off to bipolar disorder a year ago. Sadly, it is not circumstantial but is the real deal. They have been in and out of therapy for two or three years, but not for Bipolar disorder. The 15 year old is in therapy for panic disorder and OCD. The first one is very disciplined with lifestyle. The second one will go back into therapy but he is picky as to who and when he sees one. He has no self control and needs meds, we have been holding off for a year when the psychiatrist wanted to hospitalize him. I guess we shall wait and see with the other two regarding meds! (they tried SSRIs and ADHD meds, but antipsychotics are a different class)

[Nammu]

From my own personal opinion antipsychotics are far safer than antidepressants or benzos.

[Victoria'smom]

My son's been on ADHD meds, Antipsychotics, mood stabilizers off and on since around 8. Currently he's on an antidepressant. We saught help after he made an attempt on his life. He's always had major control over the meds he takes and recently went back to the dr. to try again after almost a year off all meds. I know the risks of meds but have they tried mood stabilizers?

As a kid I begged to be on meds and told nothing was wrong with me except I'm a brat. I really feel it should be up to them but if they do take meds they have to do it for at least a year to get the right combo. That's the deal I have with my son.

Therapy and flexible schooling is a must for my son. Do your kids have IEP's? Are they in traditional school?

I personally think my son needs benzos but with addiction issues, this will need to be monitored. He wouldn't need them all the time, just sometimes. I think they are safer (minus the abuse potential which needs to be monitored) than long term use of antipsychotic. My view is very controversial however as many people on this board report having extreme issues from Benzo use, regret taking them and don't even believe in them being prescribed at all in several cases. Each persons mileage may vary when it comes to meds. I've taken benzos on and off for about 5 years or so.....only when needed and never developed a problem. It depends on the unique symptoms your children are having. Research thoroughly and be as educated as you possibly can before making your decision.....they should have a say, unless the symptoms are so extreme they can't make educated decisions. I've had symptoms despite being on AP medication and side effects were horrible, even life threatening so please really think about all options.

[caringmum]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

My son's been on ADHD meds, Antipsychotics, mood stabilizers off and on since around 8. Currently he's on an antidepressant. We saught help after he made an attempt on his life. He's always had major control over the meds he takes and recently went back to the dr. to try again after almost a year off all meds. I know the risks of meds but have they tried mood stabilizers?

As a kid I begged to be on meds and told nothing was wrong with me except I'm a brat. I really feel it should be up to them but if they do take meds they have to do it for at least a year to get the right combo. That's the deal I have with my son.

Therapy and flexible schooling is a must for my son. Do your kids have IEP's? Are they in traditional school?

One is in a regular private school, one is home thinking about college closer to home, the middle one is in a special private day school with one on one teaching and Fridays off. My youngest does want to get better but she had a bad experience with the SSRIs as you can imagine and she is now very wary of medication, apart from the occasional ativan during the onset of panic!!

[caringmum]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I personally think my son needs benzos but with addiction issues, this will need to be monitored. He wouldn't need them all the time, just sometimes. I think they are safer (minus the abuse potential which needs to be monitored) than long term use of antipsychotic. My view is very controversial however as many people on this board report having extreme issues from Benzo use, regret taking them and don't even believe in them being prescribed at all in several cases. Each persons mileage may vary when it comes to meds. I've taken benzos on and off for about 5 years or so.....only when needed and never developed a problem. It depends on the unique symptoms your children are having. Research thoroughly and be as educated as you possibly can before making your decision.....they should have a say, unless the symptoms are so extreme they can't make educated decisions. I've had symptoms despite being on AP medication and side effects were horrible, even life threatening so please really think about all options.

I wouldn't give benzos to my middle as he has an addictive personality, but my eldest and youngest take them in moderation. My mother has been addicted to them for 57 years and is still trying to get off them (yes, she took them through two pregnancies). The AP medication scares me, it would definitely have to be her choice.