[IntentOnHealing]

I'm ticked and don't know quite how to respond.

I just got a lovely and well-meaning private message from a Facebook friend I generally adore. He's a university instructor, writes well, and is intelligent, family oriented, and sweet. But he just told me he "senses" I could pull myself out of this.

Did he forget everything we've ever discussed about bipolar? Does he not remember his own promise to trust me when I tell him "I can recognize the difference between, 'Hmm, my attitude needs adjustment' and 'I am genuinely and severely ill'?" Does he think I chose this or something?

To be fair, he probably has no idea what it feels like to be swept out of control by mania so high you are let go from your job. And he probably has no idea what it feels like to crash down from that mania, falling so low you have to apply for disability. But that is exactly why I think he has no business saying things like this.

I suppose I could tell him that today was a milestone: that I showered and then--hold on; here comes the big part--actually left the house. I could point out that I have been slowly crawling back to Facebook over the last several months of absence, a point a fairly amazing percentage of my 793 "friends" pointed out with surprising kindness.

I suppose, I could ask him forthrightly, "Do you know what it's like to suffer moodswings so intense you've been hospitalized three times in the last six months?" or "Do you know what it's like to wake up one morning with no memory of the previous three weeks? Or "Do go through meds changes? Do you wring your hands as you watch your adolescent son for symptoms, or cry with gratitude with your husband says, "I meant it when I said 'in sickness and in health, babe'"?

Perhaps worse than being annoyed in itself--because who wouldn't be?--I'm recognizing a trait in myself that isn't even LIKE myself: "Who is this angry woman?" I wonder.

I used to be kind, patient, unflappable. Bringing someone into the tent of understanding was my go-to response in the past. After all, it reduces stigma and makes it better for us all. Doesn't it? Now, after what I've been going through for four.teen.months, I don't even know what my go-to response is!

I feel like I have no idea who I am anymore and I certainly have no idea how to respond to his idiotic remark or even if I should! Does anyone have any thoughts, experiences, or comments to share? I'm not sure this is about him as much as it is about me. I'm so ANGRY

[Moose72]

Thank you for your post. He may not understand but I do.

[Wild Coyote]

It's very difficult for people to understand, unless they have been there themselves.

Sometimes we have the extra patience and energy to kindly, patiently try to educate others into an understanding.

Other times we need to give our emotions an outlet, a voice.
There's nothing wrong with anger. Anger has now surfaced. The fact that you can feel it, recognize it, and write about it -- is likely symptomatic of some personal growth!
Celebrate your anger!


WC

[IntentOnHealing]

Yes. I think you are right. It takes extra energy to be patient and kind. And energy is not something I have for this type of thing right now. I don't even have the energy to recognize that it takes extra energy. I keep looking at his pm. He says, "what are we going to do with you?" I think that's the part that sets me off most. Treating me like a child, I think. Is that how you would read that when coupled with "I think you can pull yourself up"?

[IntentOnHealing]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Thank you for your post. He may not understand but I do.

Thanks. Just so frustrated with him. Feel sarcasm boiling in the pot alongside all that rage...and it has cooked into rage.

Grrr

[bizi]

Originally Posted by IntentOnHealing

Yes. I think you are right. It takes extra energy to be patient and kind. And energy is not something I have for this type of thing right now. I don't even have the energy to recognize that it takes extra energy. I keep looking at his pm. He says, "what are we going to do with you?" I think that's the part that sets me off most. Treating me like a child, I think. Is that how you would read that when coupled with "I think you can pull yourself up"?

nope, I think you could tell him exactly succinctly what you told us summerizing what you have been going thru the past 6 months.
I think you said it very well.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi
(I am sorry you have been struggling so much)

[BipolaRNurse]

I've heard that line too and it's BS. Insulting too. If it were as easy as "pull yourself out of it" sounds, none of us would need meds or therapy. I don't blame you one bit for being angry.

[IntentOnHealing]

Thank you. I really needed to hear that.

[Daonnachd]

HIM: "What are we going to do with you?"
ME: Well, my friend, I can tell you what you can do with yourself!

[IntentOnHealing]

Originally Posted by vertigo

HIM: "What are we going to do with you?"
ME: Well, my friend, I can tell you what you can do with yourself!

HA!

Thanks. I have had a crappy day. That you made me literally laugh out loud is quite the accomplishment.

Touche!

[Altarian]

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad to know i'm not the only one who has someone like that in their lives.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

HIM: "What are we going to do with you?"
ME: Well, my friend, I can tell you what you can do with yourself!

Tehehe. Thanks for this.

[Sunflower123]

Doesn't that just stick in your craw? He 'senses' you can pull out of it. My sister has the same opinion and it is not helpful and sometimes downright harmful. Please ignore what this man is saying about this subject. He clearly has no clue.

[IntentOnHealing]

Jenn, I know. IknowIknowIknowIknowIknow! He is clearly completely uninformed and I shouldn't give it the time of day but that's my head. My head isn't in charge right now though. So THANKS for reminding me.

When I'm feeling better, I'm going to construct a response that is polite and which reduces stigma.

Can't do that right now, but I will. Someday.