[MatBell]

It's so hard for me right now - it hurts physically the way I feel completely alone and nobody knows or really cares about me. I look at people I live close to my city and see all the things I will never have and never have had. It makes me feel completely worthless. Especially now when the weather is better, everyone is out and enjoying themselves. I just want it to end.

[bioChE]

Matbell, I'm sorry you're in the depths of such despair. Thanks for reaching out here, that's not always easy to do.

Are you current with your psychiatrist and/or therapist? There's a possibility that a med change or some cognitive help would be in order.

We're here to support you.

[MatBell]

Thank you. Yes, I'm seeing my therapist monday and I'm on medication too. I just don't know how long I can keep feeling like this, it's too hard for me. I don't want to live like this for years and years with so few bright spots in my life. And it hurts so much when you compare yourself with others and what could have been.
When it goes on for years and years, I just can't see any way out.

[EmilyTheStrange]

Sorry you're feeling this way MatBell
I know it's easy to say that it will pass and you will feel better again, but i know what it is that you're feeling and a) it never feels that way and b) even if you know that yourself the crushing feeling that it will just come back and be there forever is overwhelmingly depressing.
However, i know all that and have been there, and right now I don't feel that way at all and haven't for a while. So it really will pass, and hopefully in time you will be able to find ways to help stop this from coming back so bad.
Take lots of care, and i hope you start to feel better very soon
X

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by EmilyTheStrange

Sorry you're feeling this way MatBell
I know it's easy to say that it will pass and you will feel better again, but i know what it is that you're feeling and a) it never feels that way and b) even if you know that yourself the crushing feeling that it will just come back and be there forever is overwhelmingly depressing.
However, i know all that and have been there, and right now I don't feel that way at all and haven't for a while. So it really will pass, and hopefully in time you will be able to find ways to help stop this from coming back so bad.
Take lots of care, and i hope you start to feel better very soon
X

Thanks a lot. I've crawled into bed now. It usually helps in the short run.

Sorry you're struggling so much. Hugs. I think it's best to not compare ourselves to others. We don't really know what their life is like. I hope you improve soon.

Yeah, the comparison thing is best left alone. Good does not come of it. (I struggle with it too, and the more I do it, the worse I feel. Fortunately it works in reverse -- avoiding comparisons with others really can help.)

How are you doing today?

[Moose72]

I've felt stuck. Permanently stuck, before. But miracles do happen if your persevere. That doesn't mean you don't need help. Do you have a case manager where you see your T and Pdoc? I'd start there. Have a meeting with him or her. Get the ball rolling.

[IntentOnHealing]

I just wanted to add my voice to those who are reaching out and encouraging you.

I understand that feeling you're experiencing. The comparing. The aching. The struggling. The knowing that it really isn't fair.

Ugh, do I get that feeling of unfair, so cripplingly unfair. I hear you. You aren't alone. Is there something you can busy yourself with until you can get in to see one of your providers? I think that was some good advice.

When I'm really feeling bad--like it sounds you are--I have a coloring book I do with colored pencils. Just to help pass the time. Or I binge-watch a series on Netflix. The 100 is addictive--it was good for me even when I couldn't get dressed for weeks. When I literally could not string sentences together to form a paragraph.

One other thing...do you know you can exchange text messages with a live person who has been trained to help when we're down, and that the response is in real time and practically immediate? Yup. Just text "Hope" to 741741.

I will be thinking of you today. I know you can get through this. Just try one minute at a time.

Hugs!

[Sunflower123]

MatBell: I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. You're not alone. Just last night I was texting the Crisis Hot Line. I really understand and get what you're saying. I put myself to sleep early sometimes to as it often helps.

I hope you start feeling better soon and that your appointment is productive. Best Wishes

[MatBell]

Thank you all for writing. Right now it's not much better. Mostly because if my neighbor out on her balcony with friends - they are all in my age group. It both gets me down and angers me. I know it all comes from envy, I've never really had what they're having, and I resent that. I know it's silly but it just really affects my mood so much. It's why summer gets me down - seeing people about in a good mood when I'm not only makes me feel more alone. How are you all doing today?

[Unrigged64072835]

It's hard to be around people when you're depressed and alone. But you're still alive so you have something going for you.

Are you afraid of meeting new people? Maybe that would be a start. Look up support groups and Meetup.com.

Comparing yourself to other people will only bring you down. You are a good person so there is something to work with.