Deeply depressed...why am I even trying?

I fight my depression hard. I'm so tired of waking up each morning and wondering which 'me' I'll be today. I tried to do something to move me towards recovery today and I view it as a failure. It's always one step forward and two steps back and I am very tired. I feel like giving up and that I'm alone in this h***. Does anybody relate? Again, I am very tired of this fight and the ups and downs.

I can really relate. Bipolar is ******* hard. I know it is. But you know it passes. I know that won't add solace or comfort for how you are feeling, just know you're not alone.

We are all here, and know what it's like. Your fight is not alone

Sure, I can relate, too.

It becomes exhausting and, sometimes, there's just nothing left with which to fight. I've been going through very severe depression for months now.

I've just started stimulant use again. I have been against using them in the past. I really think the amphetamine salts (Adderall) is helping some.
I was lower than low -- totally depleted. Adding in the Adderall has helped some with mood and some with energy. It doesn't give me massive energy, nor has it made me manic / hypomanic. (So far anyway.)

For depression, I have been taking: citalopram, Wellbutrin, Latuda AND Adderall. Four drugs all aimed at the depression.
The Adderall seems to help the most... and very quickly.

With the Adderall, I can at least push myself to do something (some of the time-- and am still pushing, but can do more than I was doing) so I have some distraction from the severe (and otherwise paralyzing and "I just wanna die") depression. The jury is still out; yet, it feels like Adderall is giving me some relief. Enough relief? Only time will tell.

I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. Depression is so painful and can feel so very hopeless. Severe depression is torture. Perceptions get so distorted. It can be scary at times.

You are in my thoughts.
May you feel Love surround you.


WC

Thank you for helping me feel like I'm not alone. I ended up going to sleep very early and that seems to have 'reset' my mind. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time too. Hugs coming your way.

I struggle so much with feeling frozen and unmotivated. The fight is hard and I give most of my energy to just my job. But my job is demanding emotionally, so I come home and collapse. I can only really accomplish one or two things a day. When I work, nothing else gets done and when I'm off, I am completely depleted. Don't underestimate how much energy bipolar takes to manage. Feeling stuck passes for me with a mix of aderall and clonopin. I feel like I can get over the hurdle at hand and feel calm enough to at least begin the task. But it is hard. Life with bipolar never feels easy to me. It complicates everything. But this forum is a great support and the destructive feelings pass with effort. Take time for yourself and renew your energy levels.

Not alone. Tired tired tired.
It's a hard business. It feels like I'm forever just trying to keep up with the most ordinary things. But I can't keep up. Very frustrating.

That's why we're here -- to have that haven amongst others who really get it.

Was behind a lady in line today who said, "Most days, I'm just muddling through." I laughed the laugh of recognition and nodded. Truer words were never spoken...

The medicine finally kicked in. Thank you for your kindness and support.

Yep. Just adding my voice to the chorus of the deeply depressed. It is hard business. I'm impressed that some of you can get through a work day. REALLY impressed. Kudos!

Jennifer, if your mood goes up and down--that two steps forward thing you were talking about--don't be surprised or hard on yourself. It's just the nature of the beast. I know you already know that...

There is no depression like a bipolar depression and it IS very frustrating. Hugs all around.

Somewhere along the way I had forgotten the nature of the beast. Thanks for reminding me. That really helps.

You are so welcome. My T reminds me of that all the time. I wish I could see him more than once a week. It does help to be reminded. Our brains are not functioning in so many ways when we are manic or depressed.

So true!

I've been there too. It's a bear. Months of painful waiting to get out of it. I've been doing better since I'm on Latuda, but that's just my experience.