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#1
Apr 21, 2017, 12:46 PM
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Really. I am just sitting on my *** while my parents pay for my rent, and im 25. I got a bachelors in business two years ago and am still jobless, after going through 5 different jobs. I'm in credit card debt because of my online porn addiction. I am sniffing wellbutrin, benedryl and sometimes caffeine. My porn addiction cost me $25,000 since 2012. I've been hospitalized 6 times in 3 years. I lost all my friends. I am always alone. I have no drive anymore. Nothing to live for. There are so many steps to take in order to merely get on solid ground, and i'm still having trouble with the basics of living.
Not to mention, i am wanted by the police for something i did before hospitalization. I'm in too deep, and i did it on purpose. I wanted to self destruct, as i have sexualized my own downfall through female domination porn. Welp. Last edited by hahayeahtotallylol; Apr 21, 2017 at 01:18 PM. |
 Fuzzybear, jacky8807, Nammu, Wild Coyote
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#2
Apr 21, 2017, 12:51 PM
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Wow. Have you talked with a doctor and/or a therapist about your present state? Honestly?
__________________
Meds: Latuda, Lamictal XR, Vyvanse, Seroquel, Klonopin Supplements: Monster Energy replacement.  Also DLPA, tyrosine, glutamine, and tryptophan
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 hahayeahtotallylol
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#3
Apr 21, 2017, 01:07 PM
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We talked about SI in the ward last week and the prior weeks, but they heavily focused on HI instead. They don't know much about my depression at all.
I don't really have SI right now, like i did 3 weeks ago, more like suicide over time instead of in an instant. Prolonged self destruction |
| jacky8807, Wild Coyote
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#4
Apr 21, 2017, 01:29 PM
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Your situation sounds very difficult - but your life is far from irreparable!! You're only 25 - that's so young! Seriously. You may have an uphill battle ahead of you, but you have time...and a support system...
Of course, this probably means absolutely nothing to you if you're feeling depressed, which you obviously are. Is it because you're bipolar or is it because of your situation (that you are in because of your illness)? Doesn't matter. No way to change your situation if you don't have the hope and motivation to do so. That has to be your first step - don't worry about the job and debt right now. The fact that your parents want to help you means that you have the chance to focus on getting better. Take advantage of that and be grateful and don't feel guilty. You're not in too deep (Look at Kay Jamison or Marya Hornbacher... ). One step at a time. |
| Wild Coyote
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| BipolaRNurse, hahayeahtotallylol, Wild Coyote
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#5
Apr 21, 2017, 01:30 PM
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I would also just like to point out that you are here. you are posting on the forum. so there must be some little part of you that doesn't want to self-destruct. don't let go of that part, however small it may be.
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| BipolaRNurse, hahayeahtotallylol, jacky8807, Nammu
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#6
Apr 21, 2017, 01:40 PM
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I have a therapy appointment next week which i hope goes well. If the guys is bad, i'm going to blow up. I over heard him on the otherside of the phone when the program admin called, and he was laughing his *** off. Dude better show up when i tell him how much sht i am in and can be sympathetic when i say i am having trouble getting out, or else he will remind me of my dad and i will absolutely lose it.
I think the depression is situational. |
| Wild Coyote
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#7
Apr 21, 2017, 02:42 PM
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__________________
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| Wild Coyote
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| hahayeahtotallylol, Wild Coyote
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#8
Apr 21, 2017, 04:46 PM
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I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation. Your life is not over and you are worthy. Hold on to that. Take small steps and be gentle with yourself as you navigate getting out of the pit. Best wishes.
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| Wild Coyote
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| hahayeahtotallylol
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#9
Apr 21, 2017, 05:58 PM
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I need to be gentle with myself for sure. And take small steps.
I wish i could better explain what i feel right now. It's sort of like, i feel nothing, but i know there is something, i just don't know if it's good or bad. |
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#10
Apr 21, 2017, 06:26 PM
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Hang in there. I have had to start my life over four times from complete meltdowns from manic episodes. This too shall pass and it does get better.
__________________
Guiness187055 Moderator Community support team |
| hahayeahtotallylol
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#11
Apr 21, 2017, 07:23 PM
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are you doing the dual diagnosis IOP still? is it helping at all?
just know your life is not over although it seems that way at times. you can find your path out of everything hanging over your head I promise you that.
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| hahayeahtotallylol
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#12
Apr 21, 2017, 07:26 PM
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I sat in group for 5 minutes then left. It isn't my type of people, and i hate group therapy. So instead, i scheduled an appointment with a therapist who works at the clinic in the same building. After i meet with him, i can get an appointment with a psychiatrist.
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| jacky8807, Wild Coyote
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| jacky8807
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#13
Apr 22, 2017, 01:45 PM
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well we are all here for you! how are you doing today?
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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