I just don't know

I feel just awful this morning. My 11yo just told me he thought I was having SI yesterday. He doesn't deserve to see me like this and to have to worry. I don't know what to do. I feel so stuck and alone.

Do you need more help?
I am sorry, I have forgotten if you see a T or a pdoc.
Make a call if you need more help.

Have you ever tried family therapy?
Is it an option?

Do you have a NAMI chapter near you?
They might offer some family support.

Sounds like maybe both you and your son could use some support.


WC

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I've gone through this with my daughter who is 17 now but realized when she was much younger that I often had SI although I tried to hide it from her. I made her a promise that I would never leave her in that way and whenever she is worried now we verify that promise. I also typed up a safety plan that I went over with my therapist and showed my daughter.

Sometimes she still worries and I hate that. You're not alone. If you need to talk I'm here.

Take a deep breath and go outside for a little bit to clear your head, maybe. Then seek out more support. You are not alone.

(((((((((scatterbrained)))))))))

Take a deep breath. Parenting is hard.

Find a good therapist for your son who specializes in working with children. Early intervention can make all the difference. All of my sons have had some sort of issue along the way, but they have all gotten beyond those problems because we got them the support they needed right away. I know the fear that they are in for a lifetime of problems like we went through ourselves, but I learned that is not necessarily the case. My sons come from a loving home, they have not endured the abuse and trauma that my husband and I did in our childhoods. That right there put them in a better place for healing.

Hang in there.

I have a pdoc but not a T. I see pdoc next Friday. He wants me to see a T, but I just don't know. I feel like I can't because I can't miss work. And for after hours it's hard to get someone to watch my son. Pdoc doesn't take insurance, so I feel like I can't go more often because I can't afford it. My insurance would cover a T though.

I got my son a T about 2 months ago to help deal with stuff.

I feel so stuck. I have no help. I'm struggling to function at work and at home. My house is a disaster. Bills aren't being paid. Grocery shopping is barely happening. I freak out half the time I go.

Part of me keeps wanting to not do what I need to in order to get better. I want to give up. It's a constant back and forth. I guess my son's comment was a wake up call.

You have a lot on your plate.
Be kind to yourself.


WC

Oh, Scatter, that's so much to try and deal with. It doesn't sound like it's just today that you feel bad. Am I right? And your son mentioning his concern about the possibility of you having SI might not be "just" something you have to think about the perspective of a parent. I totally hear you on that--our boys having to deal with our bipolar is a huge heart-breaker. I get it!

But it's also something we need to think about from the perspective of a person with a significant, life-long, chronic illness. Your boy's noticing signs and symptoms you need to consider. When I read your description of the house, bills, how you feel like you don't want to do what it takes to get better, etc., I felt like you were providing us with the clearest possible picture. It takes time for those things to fall into their current state, right? So this didn't happen over night? And it's getting worse? Is that what you're saying?

You've gotten a lot of good advice and support here, but I am wondering if you might need medical support than you're getting with your pdoc. I am so sad for how much of a struggle you are going through. I wish I could bring you dinner and do your laundry ( wish I could do my own too, but that's beside the point. )

Are you thinking you might need IP? Is that what you are saying, "I just don't know" about? If not, I know you mentioned that even going to therapy would be a huge challenge with your work schedule, but sometimes even just seeing our pdoc and getting therapy once a week is bare-bones treatment. Still, many places/providers have evening hours to accommodate folks in your shoes. Please ask your pdoc if he has a recommendation.

And let us know what else we can do to support you. We are here. You are not alone. We are here.

Love and hugs--

I've been there with my daughter. It's hard to choose whether to get help out of work and struggle for child care or do it during work and missing that money. I ended up doing it during work but I lost my job due to anxiety and it didn't matter anyway.