[LacunaCoiler]

I know over spending or the need to spend is a part of the bipolar mania but it still sucks. I've been in a manic state for a few months now and all I want to do is spend, spend, spend. Which is totally find for me but not for my finances or my wife.

I've already spent money on tickets to different events in different towns on 4 different occasions in the near future. They're no refundable and rather expensive and we both don't see the need to waste them. We need the vacation and it will make us both happy because it's things we like to do together... plus 2 of them are going to be anniversary trips for or 1 year anniversary. The wife said she'd do the travel arrangements so I don't over pay and she can find the deals. She seems happy with the trips, so I dunno how to feel about them and my spur of the moment purchases.

I want instant gratification and because my wife can't seem to say no to me it's making our finances worse and thus making the wife depressed. I love spending money on me but more important I want to make the wife happy so I want to spend money on her and whatever will make her happy, though I know not spending money and paying off cc debt is what makes her happy. I just can't seem to get the need/want under control enough to help her save money and pay off debt... it's so boring and not gratifying in the least bit.

Because of this stress, my mania, her depression there is a strain on our marriage and its manifesting in lots of arguing and a lot of crying on her part. I guess my question is how do you all deal with the need to spend? Is there anyway you can satisfy that instant gratification from spending and appease the wife and the budget? Any advise would greatly be appreciated.

[bioChE]

Do you actually use a budget for your finances? My wife and I started using one a year ago and it's transformed our relationship with money and with each other.

Here is what I did; your results may vary.

For years I went unchecked and had full control over the budget. Everything went into one account and my wife just assumed I paid the bills. I spent the money instead.

Part of owning my bipolar meant giving my wife full control of the budget. I get paid bi-weekly and withdraw my paycheck once direct deposit hits. Together we don't have a bank account, mainly because I took out payday loans and got us on Chexsystems. I don't have a traditional bank account, instead I have an American Express Serve card. There is a max withdraw amount of $700 at a time, so I take my paycheck out over multiple withdraws. My wife has access to the Serve account, so she can see what I was paid, what I withdrew, and what I spent money on.

There are some benefits to having a Serve card - one it's free of fees if you deposit enough into it every month. Another is that it's American Express, and not as widely accepted as Visa and MasterCard. It means I cannot waste my money on the vending machine at work. But it also means that if I have to spend money and don't have cash that accepted retailers will take my card. I have the Walmart version, called Bluebird, so I get the added benefit of free deposits at registers and the ability to write pre-drafted checks. And if you use their network of ATMs there is no withdraw fee, so generally I pay no fees for use of my card and I have managed to keep a small portion of my allowance going into the next pay period.

For an allowance I am given $50 per pay period, or $100 each month. I can either keep that out as cash or what I usually do is leave it on the card. Do I spend money still? Yes, I do. I went through a spree where I bought cell phone cases for my iPhone and returned them the next day or the day after. Sometimes up to two weeks after they were purchased. I'm sure my spree will get me banned from returning items at Best Buy. I haven't told my wife about the incidents, but the resulting charges and credits didn't result in a net loss of income.

But my problems are contained within a $50 cap. I can't overdraw the Serve account. Every pay period I pay my wife first.

If you trust your wife, and she is agreeable, let her control the budget. Give yourself a reasonable allowance. Get a prepaid card with low fees, just like a Serve card, should you ever need to purchase something online or for convenience sake like getting gas at a gas station.

All that being said, I still make mistakes. I spend money on things I shouldn't. I have been very manic lately, but the safeguards in place keep the impact minimal. If there is a way to get banned from stores voluntarily, I would do it. For me, $50 over two weeks is more than enough.

[Victoria'smom]

We only carry a pre-pay card. Whenever we want something we have extra steps to take to get it. As for the gratification could you order a gamer's subscription box or something then you get a surprise every month. It's not the same as instant gratification but it's similar.

[LacunaCoiler]

We do have a budget... or I should say my wife has a budget. She takes care of all the finances and I hold my check long enough to make it to the bank to deposit it. She already pays all the bills and knows how much we have in the bank... she's a nazi when it comes to our money and what's getting paid and where it's getting spent.

However, I have several cc in my name and I'm not afraid to use them as they say. That's where the arguing begins, I've either already spent the money and letting her know after the fact or I give her a "heads up" that I'm buying x and again that's were the arguing is because she can't talk me out of this "amazing" purchase.

We've talked about an allowance before but it never seems to hold out longer then a pay check or two. She gets tired of giving me money or I "freely" give it to her to spend on bills because I know she needs it. But then I go and spend money again... I dunno what else to do.

Freeze the credit cards - physically freeze them, in a freezer - and make sure you don't already have the numbers written down somewhere or have them memorized. Can't use what you honestly do not have access to. Have the number memorized? Well, that could be a problem. If you could get a new card with a new number and NOT memorize that it would be ideal.

I'm sorry, but someone who isn't going to help you put safeguards into effect and help maintain them is an enabler in my book. If your wife gets "tired" of giving you an allowance every pay period...sorry I won't say anything mean. But really, is it that hard? Here, have $50 - try not to spend it all in one place?

[19J82]

I feel your pain, spending has been a massive issue for me over the last few years. I've spent over £40k in the last 5 years on rubbish. In one week I managed £5k on a car and £2k on a Caribbean holiday.
Having got a diagnosis I decided that enough is enough and I've gone into my bank and given them my diagnosis so I'm now on their systems as a 'vulnerable customer.' In essence they will stop any purchases over £500 and I cannot take out any loans or credit cards with them without a sit down interview.
It's worked so far, but I know that if I get that urge again I'll probably find a way around it. The best tip I've found so far is to wait 24 hours before buying something, as by then the desire has moved on.
Hope you have some success in managing it.

[Nammu]

My instant gratification needs was books. I love books. I quit all book clubs( the S&H was ridiculous). What bookstores are left I stay out of them. I made friends with my library and when the impulse hits me I can order books though the reservation lists although it takes longer than Amazon to get notice I can go pick up the books.

Maybe you need to pick up an actual physical hobby that keeps you off the web where you find these amazing deals? Take up woodwork or leather making or something?

[bioChE]

The thing that has totally eliminated my impulse spending is YNAB. The budgeting is an allocation system, where you allocate every dollar under your control to categories you set up. Every time I get paid, my wife and I sit down and allocate funds to mortgage, gas, clothing, gifts, insurance, and whatever else we choose. That is as good as spending the actual dollars. We each have discretionary categories from which we can spend without consulting the other. The way it's set up, if you overspend in one category you have to move money from another category, so you see exactly what you're robbing if you blow cash. The critical part of the equation is tracking every time you spend and taking it out of a category. Doing our finances this way has saved us an incredible amount of money over the past year, and we are totally out of credit card debt. Our bank balances and net worth are rising, and I can't say enough good things about it.

The best thing it has done is to totally stop my impulse spending. It wasn't hard at all, the desire to impulse spend just evaporated. I went from blowing thousands to spending practically nothing on impulse. It was like magic.

TBH, my fun these days comes from "spending" my paycheck (or any other funds coming into our lives) the minute it hits my bank account. I "spend" it into the categories of my choosing, and when I need to buy a pair of shoes the money is there waiting for me. I never have extra money, because in reality there is no such thing as "extra" money. When you have a plan for your spending, a dollar spent on something means that dollar is not available to spend on something else. When it's right in front of you in black and white, you begin to make spending decisions based on your priorities instead of your fleeting feelings at the moment. We have categories for fun money, vacations, dining out, and everything else we spend money on. I can't tell you how good it feels.

In a year we've sold a house, bought a house, moved across the country, paid off over $40,000 in debt and saved over $20,000 all while maintaining pretty much the same lifestyle we had before. Like I said, it's almost magic. Instead of having a pile of bills waiting for the money to arrive, we have a pile of money waiting for the bills to arrive.

You can control your impulse spending. You just have to realize it's ruining your future and make concrete steps to stop it. There are a lot of good ideas on this thread, but if you don't make the decision to implement the change there's nobody else who will do it for you. And you will pay, sooner or later.